Settling v. Compromising

[CrimsonTide4]

What are other issues that are important to discuss in a relationship? What are issues that would be hard for you to compromise on?

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
What are other issues that are important to discuss in a relationship? What are issues that would be hard for you to compromise on?

Issues to be discussed:

~Future plans/expectations of the relationship
~ Finances (not just good credit vs. bad credit, but just in general. It can sometime be hard if one person is a "spend hog" and the other one is cheap! )
~Family atomshpere/childhood
~Future plans, goals

I'm sure more will hit me later

Issues I would NOT compromise on:

~Children (I want them)
~Religion (Christian)

Oh course things like physical/mental/verbal abuse are NEVER up for discussion. If it happens once, I'M OUT!

[candygirl]

I think religion is of extreme importance. Not only what donominaton you are but what do you practice. For instance, do you go to church regularly,do you believe in praying together as a family, and do you read the bible. I think that is a fundamental conversation that should take place. I know for me, I do not wish to be unequally yoked with a potential mate so that conversation would have to take place pretty early on.


Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years? I know this sounds like something you would hear in a job interview but its important nonetheess. What if has no substantial goals, what if he doesn't expect to be married and you do, the list could go on and on.

The discussion of fundamental morals and values should also occur. Without some sort of cohesion in this aspect the relationship can't possibly last long.

I couldn't possibly see myself compromising on these issues. They are too important for me to do without. I do however feel that compromising is indicative of a healthy loving relationship. I think we should compromise on things like how many kids to have, where we should live, mini van or corvette. Fundamental issues are simply off limits

[ClassyLady]

I think the difference between compromising and settling can be found in the individual's motivation for conceding on certain points. If you concede on an issue because it's something that isn't very important to you, that's a compromise. If you concede because you'd rather give up what you want than lose him, that's settling. Compromising is dating a man shorter or heavier than what you thought you wanted (i.e. Charlotte and Hairy Harry from SATC). Settling is giving up a career you love because your man who is dead set against you working.

Women start to lose ground when they give up the things that they really want because they so desperately want to be married or because they don't think a man as good as this one will ever come around again. When you give up so much that you are giving up who you really are, you are settling. That is how relationships last for fifteen years that really shouldn't have become relationships to begin with.

The best way to avoid settling is to decide which issues are deal-breakers for you. Kids or family structure or something like that.