A Question for everyone

[UDZETA]

Tom Earp, why should women have to take the man's last name? What are your reasons?

[AKA2D '91]

I was amazed when one of my chapter members told me that she still uses her maiden name. I don't know why I was, but I really was taken aback.

She has been married before and she says she kept her maiden name then and didn't use her married name, even when her only child was born. She shared with me that her current husband can't get with it, but he "accepted" it when they said "I do".

She is very serious when she says that she is not going to change her last name. She has been married to her current husband for 4 years or so, plus she's an attorney and I'm sure he's not going to want to fight about it that much...LOL

[amycat412]

I will absolutely keep my last name. I kept it during my brief first marriage, and I will keep it should I ever get married again.

I've spent 33 years as Amy XXXX and just because I meet someone, fall in love and want to get married, that does not mean that I am suddenly a different person.

I love my last name and have NEVER met anyone whose name I like better, so can't imagine that 1. I will meet that person 2. He will be an avaialble, attractive, intelligent male 3. We will marry.

Part of the tradition of the woman taking her husband's last name, as I understand it, is in olden times it signified the transfer of her as property from the father to the husband. I am nobody's property and will keep my last name.

Lastly, I am a writer and known under MY name. I will keep my last name.

As for children, I have no problem with them having my husband's last name. But I do think that I would make their middle name my last name. Not a hypenated name, just for example, Sarah Brown Gorman.

I did once date someone that liked my name so much he said if we got married he'd become Mark XXXX. I'd have NO problem with that. And I have a friend who was so adamant in her refusal to change her name that she and her husband hyphenated their names together.

I just can't get with the whole change name thing at all. Its fine for a lot of women, just not me. I am Amy XXXX and will be until I die.

[SoTrue1920]

I use my maiden name professionally, and my married name socially. My married name is basically my maiden name with my married name tacked on the end, and I use all three names (like Mary Tyler Moore).

However, my husband changed his name after we were married, so he uses three names too, just for continuity's sake.

[h2oot]

Amy, its a good thing you're Amy XXXX and not Amy XXX...lol.

BTW, we have the same last name. Mine is "XXXX", too. What a conincidence.

When I get married I'll prolly take his last name, though reluctantly. However, if we ever got divorced I'd dump his name faster than old shrimp. Using my maiden name as my children's middle name is not a bad idea.

[FuzzieAlum]

When I get married I'll prolly take his last name, though reluctantly. However, if we ever got divorced I'd dump his name faster than old shrimp.

Ha ha, how long can you keep shrimp for anyway?

Seriously, I think it's odd when people keep their ex's name, unless they were married for a very long time. Like one woman I work with has been married three times. She doesn't go by her maiden name, or her current hubbie's name, but by her second husband's name. Not that she can't use whichever name she wants, but I just don't see the logic in that choice!

[Tom Earp]

Damn, semi tonghee in cheek!

My ex kept my name until she got remarried! OK, she moved in with a Fraternity Brother, OK!

Different guy! Well I really do not care but thought would throw it out! My Mood Time!

Ah Well It All Happens for the Best!

Adam gave a Rib to Make Woman! Losing ever ever since!!

LUV YA All !

[Optimist Prime]

I plan to keep my last name. In my opinion the woman should not TAKE the last name and get rid of her own. First reason...It helps in family research. Most middle names are older family names and helps future generations figure stuff out. Number two...I have a feeling I will get divorced. I don't want some one I'm not married to, to be legally alowed to call her self Mrs. ******. If she hyphanates ******-NNNN or NNNN-****** I wouldn't mind. But...for my children, I'll leave the name up to them. Ideally My children will have a first and middle name, a "confirmation" name (i'm not catholic, but my children should confirm something, not neccesarily religion). Also possibly my wifes middle name (if its a family name), my wifes mother's maiden name, my mother's maiden name, and both last names. All legal documents.

[SoCalGirl]

I never realized there was so many opinions on this topic. I always fiqured I'd go w/ whatever sounded best. Would totally depend on syllables and if his name is atrocious.

As far as children, if you want them to carry your name then you should give it as a middle or first name. I don't think kids should have hyphenated names. IMHO their last name should match their fathers.

My opinons aside, I think I read in Miss Manners once that when a woman gets married, her maiden name is supposed to become her middle name. I'm not sure if you then get two middle or if your supposed to drop you middle name. I would never drop my middle name though.

[AchtungBaby80]

I was brought up thinking that when a girl gets married, her maiden name becomes her middle name and then her husband's name is her new one.

Personally, I can't wait to get rid of my last name. It's not bad or anything--just a run-of-the-mill English name--but my mom remarried when I was very young and I've always been the odd one out. Everyone in my family has the same last name except me, and I don't like it. I don't know why I never had it changed...I guess out of respect to my grandparents, but if I get married you're damn right I'll be changing it. My husband, me, and the kids if there are any will all have the same last name, because believe me, it gets *really* old trying to explain exactly why the names are different.

[KillarneyRose]

When I got married, I dropped my maiden name and took my husband's name. I'm very traditional that way and I'll also admit that I never cared for my maiden name (shhh! Don't tell my dad!). Too hard to pronounce and it's waaaaaay down in the alphabet. I still get a kick from being first on most alphabetized lists! lol

[stillwater15]

i made myself a promise many years ago that when i got married, i wouldn't change or hyphenate my last name. as far as the kids, i'd like for him/her/them to have my last name and my husband's. this topic brings back memories, because i actually lost a boyfriend over my desire not to change or hyphenate my last name.

[Kevin]

Call me a wimp or whatever, but I really don't think it's any of my business what whoever I marry chooses to do with her last name. If she doesn't want to, no big deal... if so then great! We get a shorter phone book listing.

[RubberSoul]

Originally posted by greeklawgirl
Well, I had a happy compromise built in for myself when I got married. When I was born, my parents couldn't decide on a middle name. My mother wanted to give me my great-grandmother's name. My father wanted to give me his name (the Greek tradition of the patronym). Neither one wanted to give in...so I got stuck with no middle name at all.

So when I got married, I took my husband's name and kept my maiden name as a middle. I use my full name on everything...driver's license, credit cards, bank account. It has worked very well for me. I still get to use my maiden name, which is very important to me, because I accomplished a lot of things as a single woman. But using my married name also gives me the opportunity to publicly affirm that my husband and I are one family unit.

I think that women should do what they feel comfortable with! Either option is totally legitimate.

I did the exact same thing. I felt a little bit sorry for my dad that his name is going to die out with him, as he was the only son in his family and I am the only child in mine. But then I thought well, it isn't my fault my parents only had one child!!!!!

I guess I am a traditionalist but I am always a bit suspicious of women who won't take their husband's name. How would you want people to address things to you? To the Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones family? Or are you even a Mrs.? Do you go by Ms.? I don't know. I feel like there is a lot more to me than my name and I don't need to hang onto that....I wanted to have his name and have our children have the same name. To each their own I guess but I really don't quite understand it I guess.

[SilverTurtle]

If I ever decide to marry, I have never even though about changing my name. (You know how girls in like jr. high will write out their name with the last name of the boy they like? Not me, never did that). Here are my personal reasons:

• My biggest reason- I've accomplished a lot under that name, not least of which is earning what I hope is the first in a line of degrees. Awards, having things published, etc.... all as Carrie *********. It's both a personal and professional decision.
  
• I'm just a natural born feminist I suppose. And not one to follow tradition because it's how things have been done. Getting married is about joining together equally IMO. Not about becoming property and changing who you are. And I'm Carrie *********, not Carrie ####, etc.
  

As for kids.. well.. I'm not having any (at least not planning them & being very cautious to avoid any little suprises). If I change my mind and decide to have some..I think I would consider adoption first, and older kids whom I would never ask to change their names. But for the sake of argument... I would either give them their father's last name, or hyphenate the two if they sounded really cool together.

My first name is actually my mothers' maiden name, and my middle name is a family name on that side of the family. My last name is from my dad's side. Although, my first name is spelled differently than it should have been. I thought about changing it, but see my first response above.

Something interesting, my boyfriend's last name is actually his adopted name, not his birth name anyways. He has considered changing it back to its original form, but he's had his current name since age 4 or something. And he's accomplished a lot under that name, so he's never changed it.

I think it's definately an individual decision, but I also see it becoming more common, at least professionally, for women to retain their maiden name. Someone asked about mail.. well, most of our mail is individual anyways. If it's something like an invitiation, they can address it to either or both of us. I wouldn't be offended if someone slipped and used his name, particularly someone who didn't really know us.