A Question for everyone
 

My boyfriend and I one day got talking about when people get married, should the women keep her last name. I said yes because I would like to keep mine because I'm the only child and I would like to keep my last name. But he said no the women should take the last name of the man because having both names is weird. Also he brought up what last name would the children take if the mother had both his and her last names? What are your thoughts on this. -UDZETA :confused:

i guess i'm a good person to answer this one... my mom kept her last name for professional purposes - she's a doctor and she earned her degree under her name, saw patients under her name prior to marrying my dad and just decided that it would be best if she stayed who she's always been known as... as for my sisters and i.. i am technically Nicole *****-###### - so yeah i have two last names (and a middle name and a confirmation name b/c i'm catholic, you should have heard mother growing up - NICOLE MARIE ELIZABETH *****-###### get down here right now!) - but my parents told us we could use both names, pick one to use - whatever. This by the way, has never been a problem in my family, my parents never argued over who would get which name... On all legal documents i have two names, but I usually use my mom's b/c its simple and my dad's is italian and everyone usually pronounces it wrong anyway, lol.

when i get married what am i going to do? definitely not have 3 last names, that would be far too much for me ;-) I might take my mom's name as my middle name and hyphenate my dad's last name and my husbands... haven't decided yet - but i'll definitely keep my names.

I know that when I do get married I want to keep my last name. I am very proud of who I am and do not know why I should have to lose my last name just because I am getting married. I will take his last name also, hyphenating my last name.

As for our children, I never have thought about that. I am not sure what approach we would take as to decide on that issue; however, right now, I think that I would like or my children to take my hyphenated last name. It represents who they are, both a part of me and my husband. In elementary school, many of my classmates had hyphenated last names and at the time, I had no idea why. But I do like the idea of them taking both of our last names.

Well when I got married, I kept my last name. I'm the youngest and there are only sisters, so I wanted to keep my name alive atleast for my generation.

My son has only my husband's last name. His friends have called me Mrs. "husband's last name" but I keep looking for my mother-in-law until I realize its me they want.

In some cases its been weird having different last names. Taxes are weird, church has been the worst about recognizing the two last names.

Its really funny when we get junk mail addressed with my husband's first name and my last name.

The bottom line is ... if it is important to you to keep your last name than do it. If the guy can't compromise on something that's really important to you, you need to re-think the relationship (in my opinion)

AZ-AlphaXi , My boyfriend and I were just talking about it. It wasn't like it was an arguement or anything. But I know when I get married I kinda would like to keep my last name but I'm not sure yet. (that is still aways a way) And I had always wonder about what the last names of the children would be. Thanks for clearing that up for me. -UDZETA :D

I don't think there is any kind of universal "should" that fits everyone here. It's a matter of, what do you think, and what does he think?

1) You take his name, and lose the name you've had all your life. How is this fair? He won't take your name, I bet. Tradition? I'm not a big believer in tradition merely for its own sake.

2) Hypenation. How many generations can do this before our last names are like Smith-Jatla-Jones-Grayson-Mustafa? Talk about a nightmare for the kids to spell!

3) Keep your own name. He feels miffed, and what DO you name your kids? Do you hyphenate them, and lead to the same problem as mentioned in #2?

4) Merge your two last names into something funky, like Green and Jones become Grones. That's a little cutesy for my taste, and it'll give future genealogists nightmares.

without a doubt i will take my husband's name. besides the tradition factor, i don't want my kids to have a different last name than me. also, it wouldn't be fair to my husband.

Well, I had a happy compromise built in for myself when I got married. When I was born, my parents couldn't decide on a middle name. My mother wanted to give me my great-grandmother's name. My father wanted to give me his name (the Greek tradition of the patronym). Neither one wanted to give in...so I got stuck with no middle name at all.

So when I got married, I took my husband's name and kept my maiden name as a middle. I use my full name on everything...driver's license, credit cards, bank account. It has worked very well for me. I still get to use my maiden name, which is very important to me, because I accomplished a lot of things as a single woman. But using my married name also gives me the opportunity to publicly affirm that my husband and I are one family unit.

I think that women should do what they feel comfortable with! Either option is totally legitimate.

I am taking my fiance's name, well half of it. He, himself, has a hyphenated last name, and I am just going to take the traditonal father;s side last name, and we decided thats what we would do for our kids. Plus, i am not hyphenating my extremely hard to spell and very long last name with two others!

I think this is a totally personally question. It really depends on what the woman wants. A lot of men find it insulting if their gf doesn't decide to take his last name when they get married, but some women feel very strongly about it. Me, I don't have a strong issue with it and I like my bf's last name better than mine so when we get married, I will probably take on his last name. But he has already expressed that he'd be bothered if I chose not to. Not that that would sway me....

My brother's wife didn't take our last name. It was a big issue when she first informed him that she didn't want to take it. Her situation was a bit different tho. She and my mother have the same first name. She thought it would be weird to be married to my brother and have the exact same name as his mother. He tried to explain to her that she's mom to him, and not her first name. She was adament tho, and at the end of the day she's kept her last name and he's had to deal. I honestly think that in this day and age, it's wrong to tell the woman that she HAS to take on a last name if she doesn't want to.

My cousin got married and as a nice twist, he and his wife decided to hyphenate their names together and now they both go by the hyphenated version. I think if a man is ademant that you give up the name you've grown up with, ask if he'd be willing to do the same....

Women should always take the Mans Name!

If it wasnt for Eve, Dumb Ass Adam would not have taken the Apple!

Have never like Apples, did not know why until today!!!!!!!!!;)

I guess for me, I think I would take my husband's name, unless it was something really horrible like "Poopkowsky" or something. :D
I suppose in someways, my maiden name is not really mine, it's my father's. The only name that is "mine" is my first name.

One thing I should mention. I worked for this guy and his wife kept her name. The kids had his surname. So for the longest time, I wrongly assumed that their mother was actually Wife #2 and their stepmother. I finally asked someone in the office quietly if he'd been married before, and had kids with Wife #1 and was told that no, he was only married to one person thus far in his life, but she'd kept her name and the kids took his name.
So, you see, dumb people like me can make mistakes of assumption and think that your kids are your stepkids because the surname is different. Just thought I would mention that.
Thank God I didn't say anything to my boss as he might have been majorly insulted.

From a practical standpoint, one thing to consider is that if you travel, if your kids have different surnames than you, (Assume that just Mom is travelling with the kids, Dad stayed home) a worst case scenario could be that the Passport Control Officers of the other country could think you are abducting the children because the surnames are different and for that reason, they don't believe that the children are yours. It could potentially happen.....

My old pastor (a man) used to say that the snake approached Eve first because he knew she was smarter and would be harder to convince!

Besides, I don't think they even had last names, so I don't see that it's too relevant.

I tend to think my last names are mine.... i have had them since the day i was born, and since i have two last names i am the exact product of two people creating something of themselves... wow i'm getting too deep ;)

whenever we traveled out of the country when my sisters and i were under the age of 18 my mom always carried our birth certificates with her - it names both of the parents on there so obviously one of those names matches her passport - they couldn't argue with that.

I think its cool if a woman wanted to keep her last name, but I think it shows devotion if she uses both last names. As for kids, I think they should take the fathers last name.