THE "bottom" sorority

[33girl]

Originally Posted by carnation

ASTAlum, it is tantamount to social suicide on that particular campus not to have a house. It's part of the culture.

Originally Posted by pinksequins

Many thoughts, but here are a couple that may help. First, if it is an SE C university, the chapter WILL be getting a house. (Competitive housing is a must, and often the house will be new, large with ample opportunity for events and living in.). For now, she may have more opportunities to bond with other new members due to their weekly meetings and activities. She can reach out to some of them to see if they want to go for pizza afterwards or to a movie or other activity -- something outside of the planned sorority activities and impromptu or informal. The new member classes at SEC schools are huge. They meet regularly and are full of young women looking to make these new friendships. My hunch is that she can find and quickly make good friends with some new members, which in turn can make her feel good about her chapter.

I don't think anyone ever said that she should be happy with the group not having a house or that they should stay unhoused. The point is that there are many other ways to meet and bond with people other than living in a house. You have to do extra work in this situation. It sounds like the daughter is willing to do so.

[MaryPoppins]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

In the end, your sorority doesn't make you top tier or bottom tier. Be a top tier person. Make people say, "she's an XYZ?"

This is what matters now and then every where else in life.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I don't think anyone ever said that she should be happy with the group not having a house or that they should stay unhoused. The point is that there are many other ways to meet and bond with people other than living in a house. You have to do extra work in this situation. It sounds like the daughter is willing to do so.

No, Mom only said that the daughter was starting to enjoy the girls. And regarding your point, there may be some ways to bond but when it comes down to it, they will be rejected by many, many PNMs who want the sorority house experience.

[pinksequins]

33, my point is that getting to know members well may take a bit more effort. One way is to capitalize on the weekly meetings by having a "follow-on" such as asking some of her new sisters to go to dinner with her or get a pizza.

[WCsweet<3]

I would like to draw attention to my signature. Your daughter can make the letters. If she is such a great person, then she is a great representative of that sorority. One great (or horrible for that matter) pledge class can make a dent on reputation.

Also screw what ever others think of you. Who cares if you are a laughing stock of greek life if you like yourself, have great friends, a good sisterhood and a fabulous history/future. There are strong and weak chapters everywhere.

[33girl]

That's what I said. I was quoting you in response to carnation's very dramatic post. And to carnation - nowhere did I see that the daughter is deeply unhappy they don't have a house, feels robbed of the experience etc, she just wishes the sorority was looked upon more favorably.

It kind of slays me that young people will knock each other over to get to the latest technology and such, but when it comes to Greek life, new = bad.

[carnation]

It wasn't dramatic in the least; it was simple and true. 33, many GCers know the SEC Greek culture and we wouldn't dream of commenting on Pennsylvania Greek life. Please don't try to tell us how it should be down here.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by carnation

ASTAlum, it is tantamount to social suicide on that particular campus not to have a house. It's part of the culture.

Again, the OP didn't address the reputation of the chapter in relation to them not having a house. She asked how the sisters were supposed to get to know each other without one. I'm simply speaking to that.

[Titchou]

With all due respect, people who aren't familiar with SEC Greek Life, up close and personal, really need to allow those who are to drive the conversation...

[irishpipes]

The big and beautiful Greek houses aren't just vanity splurges. They are a huge tool, not only for recruiting, but for bonding and sisterhood. Large chapters DO have trouble bonding if they don't have a home base. It isn't the be all and end all of the sorority experience, but it is important to chapter operations. We all can see how it impacts recruiting if everyone else has a house and your chapter doesn't. But, it us much more than that. Chapter members need a place where they will interact in normal situations - not just mixers or planned events. It isn't realistic to go have coffee or dinner with that many members. A house is tremendously helpful.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Again, the OP didn't address the reputation of the chapter in relation to them not having a house. She asked how the sisters were supposed to get to know each other without one. I'm simply speaking to that.

Exactly. No one is saying a chapter that participates in regular rush at such a school will be successful long term without a house. THEY WON'T. But the mother made it sound like it was impossible for any of them to gather - even a fraction of the members - without a house.

What are the chapter's plans? What's the timeline? Is there temporary housing? Perhaps everyone saying "you don't know how it is" should be a little more forthcoming, since apparently everyone and their ferret knows what school this is.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

The big and beautiful Greek houses aren't just vanity splurgenly for recruiting, but for bonding and sisterhood. Large chapters DO have trouble bonding if they don't have a home base. It isn't the be all and end all of the sorority experience, but it is important to chapter operations. We all can see how it impacts recruiting if everyone else has a house and your chapter doesn't.

No one is saying that this isn't the case.

The fact is, the OP's daughter's chapter doesn't have a house, so she has to make the best out of what she's been dealt. I don't see where anyone is out of line in attempting to find solutions to make things easier. Making friendships in this situation will require work. It's a struggle for a new chapter to establish itself on any campus. The people here offering up ways for the daughter to connect with her sisters and suggesting that she try to put her best foot forward and be proud of her chapter don't seem to be out of line. And these things can be carried over to any school.

In the end, the daughter needs to try to get past the reputation, connect with her sisters, wear her letters with pride, and figure out a way to be happy in her new chapter, regardless of what others think. If she doesn't, then her collegiate sorority experience will drag and be terrible.. or she'll drop and be on the outside looking in. I'm willing to bet she wants neither of those situations to come to fruition.

The daughter already sounds like she's getting used to things and seeing past the rumors and gossip. From the mom's post, she made it sound like she was struggling with this more than the daughter. If that's the case, she needs to move past that and support her daughter and her chapter.

ETA: By the way, it wasn't known until the end of page 1 that this was even an SEC/competitive campus (because carnation figured it out), so people were speaking generally, rather than specifically to a post that read, "My daughter attends an SEC school with over 100 girls in her pledge class, and her chapter doesn't have a house and the PNMs don't want to join because of that.. blah blah blah". Instead, people were responding to the OP saying that her daughter was unhappy, she's warming up to the house, and her and her sisters are trying to figure out how to bond.

[carnation]

Let's just say that on an SEC campus with houses, a chapter that is not only unhoused but is unlikely to ever be housed is going to struggle. And it has been noted that on such campuses, some of these chapters (not this one, I hope) try to market themselves as the un-sorority for girls who never would've thought of becoming Greek. Since these girls often decide that attending most sorority functions is beneath them too, it does not end well and I really feel for involved girls who are caught up in this.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

ETA: By the way, it wasn't known until the end of page 1 that this was even an SEC/competitive campus (because carnation figured it out), so people were speaking generally, rather than specifically to a post that read, "My daughter attends an SEC school with over 100 girls in her pledge class, and her chapter doesn't have a house and the PNMs don't want to join because of that.. blah blah blah". Instead, people were responding to the OP saying that her daughter was unhappy, she's warming up to the house, and her and her sisters are trying to figure out how to bond.

Are you OTL? The OP states competitive SEC school in the oriiginal post!

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by carnation

Let's just say that on an SEC campus with houses, a chapter that is not only unhoused but is unlikely to ever be housed is going to struggle. And it has been noted that on such campuses, some of these chapters (not this one, I hope) try to market themselves as the un-sorority for girls who never would've thought of becoming Greek. Since these girls often decide that attending most sorority functions is beneath them too, it does not end well and I really feel for involved girls who are caught up in this.

Definitely. I think that's why people are suggesting that the OP's daughter and her sisters should try to make the best of the situation and work hard to make the chapter the best that they can with who and what they have.