Getting your last choice

[pearlalum]

Preach it DubaiSis!

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

One of the great things about RFM is it allows virtually every girl to find a home and with enough girls brave enough to take the risk on "that" chapter, "that" chapter will over the course of just a few years become one of the chapters right in the mix. There are plenty of schools where there really isn't a clearly delineated bottom chapter, and yours can absolutely do the same thing because of girls like you who sucked it up about being disappointed and made the best of it. If your chapter isn't filled with entitled hos, then you have a good start.

You can improve your chapter standing by being visible in the best possible sense. Wear your letters with pride and always look your best. Be involved, and bring sisters along. Have fun in public. If you are in a situation where you will be doing ongoing COB (pledging new members outside of fall formal rush), go out of your way to make friends with all kinds of women on campus, and that means Greek-affiliated and independent. That girl in the "it" chapter may have a friend who didn't pledge. She knows her chapter doesn't have room for her, but "that" chapter has some really nice girls (you), and she might feel comfortable recommending you as an alternative. Because hell to the no about recommending her to those byatches at the "it #2" chapter.

Would it be easier to be in the chapter who has no issues with their social status or rush outside of formal? Yes. But they have their own issues to deal with, so don't spend too much time thinking how much greener the grass is.

[barbino]

Every one of us on this board can tell you stories about being "that girl' in "that chapter." I remember a girl who took a bid to a particular chapter and was loved all over campus for being Panhellenic president. I got to know her well; she was a great example of the type of girl who would have added much to any chapter that she was in. She chose the chapter no one else wanted, and improved it much. Importantly, not just her own sisters but girls in other chapters got to see that it was OK to see things differently.

I remember a girl who supposedly cried all through her pledge night because she got her second choice. She stayed in her chapter though, and was one of "those girls" -- the ones that somehow manage to do it all always.

My own best friend did not get her first choice. She was the type of girl that most chapters would want; but she stayed and enjoyed the full sorority experience. Congrats on your bid! You went there for preference night and ranked them, so you must have seen some potential for fitting in there. Enjoy your new chapter with girls that will love you for the person that you are.

[ChioLu]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

One of the great things about RFM is it allows virtually every girl to find a home and with enough girls brave enough to take the risk on "that" chapter, "that" chapter will over the course of just a few years become one of the chapters right in the mix. There are plenty of schools where there really isn't a clearly delineated bottom chapter, and yours can absolutely do the same thing because of girls like you who sucked it up about being disappointed and made the best of it. If your chapter isn't filled with entitled hos, then you have a good start.

You can improve your chapter standing by being visible in the best possible sense. Wear your letters with pride and always look your best. Be involved, and bring sisters along. Have fun in public. If you are in a situation where you will be doing ongoing COB (pledging new members outside of fall formal rush), go out of your way to make friends with all kinds of women on campus, and that means Greek-affiliated and independent. That girl in the "it" chapter may have a friend who didn't pledge. She knows her chapter doesn't have room for her, but "that" chapter has some really nice girls (you), and she might feel comfortable recommending you as an alternative. Because hell to the no about recommending her to those byatches at the "it #2" chapter.

Would it be easier to be in the chapter who has no issues with their social status or rush outside of formal? Yes. But they have their own issues to deal with, so don't spend too much time thinking how much greener the grass is.

AMEN!

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by hithere112

What IS keeping me there is how nice all the girls are and that they really wanted me to be there, and sometimes girls do not get any houses back.

This is what you need to focus on. They're nice. They want you. If you were trying to make a decision about wearing letters with a bunch of "entitled hos" (to quote DubaiSis) or not being in a sorority, then it would be completely different. These women are nice. That's at least half of the battle in finding your sorority home.

There are some wise words in this thread. Don't beat yourself up about your feelings. FWIW, I don't think you sound entitled or bratty. Recruitment is a trying and tough thing to go through. For the most part you can trust the system, but it's not a perfect one. Getting cut hurts. It really does, and anyone who says otherwise is just not being realistic... but these women are nice....and they DO want you.

Best of luck to you. Hang in there!

[scgoldengirl]

Just my 2 cents 35 years after being initiated into a chapter that I just love. If I were given the same scenario in 2013, when it came time to sign off on that pref sheet, I would have put the smallest chapter as my #1 choice instead of the 2 larger ones that I actually listed. Why? Because these smaller chapters are so much easier to leave an imprint, to make a difference, etc. I know myself a lot better now and know that I function much better in smaller groups. Bigger sororities might be the desired chapters but the smaller ones aren't necessarily desperate or willing to take anyone. And it doesn't really matter how small or big the group is anyway. It's what you make of it. Trust me-some of the most miserable greek experiences were in top tier chapters. You have to be happy-no matter which house you choose. At the time, I was in the best sorority for me but everybody has different needs and goals.

[DGTess]

I'm going to promise you one thing. Those women who join together to a cohesive team, who do things because they are friends and not because it makes them look better than the Prissy Pis or the Rambunctious Rhos, will honestly believe they're in the best possible chapter.

No matter what others say, no matter what others think, what's in your heart and that of your sisters is what carries the day.

[ElvisLover]

Congratulations on your bid! Sounds like you're giving your new home a chance, and I bet you'll feel even better about it as more time passes and the rawness of Recruitment wears off. Your description looks like they have a tight sisterhood, which is what being in a soroity should be about. I've known pnms who got their first choice and were disappointed to find out later they didn't have true friends.

[ADPiEE]

There's only one thing I know for sure about sorority life: Regardless of how popular your chapter is, you only get as much out of it as you put into it.

If you put your heart and soul into having fun with your sisters and improving your chapter--no matter how popular it is--, you will have an amazing time (along with some hard times of course), make some of the best memories of your life, learn life lessons you couldn't learn anywhere else and have friends for life.

[hithere112]

Hey everyone, thanks for all your support and advice. My chapter has not had as many events as other chapters for new members, and I heard that people have dropped. We will be having our first new member meeting soon so I am excited! However today I received an email that 3 chapters will be participating in COB, and one I really liked during formal. I am trying not to think about it, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a teeny bit disappointed. I have been by the house voluntarily, but am still finding it a little difficult to connect. I suppose that will just come in time.

[AOII Angel]

It doesn't matter if those chapters COB... You aren't eligible. It's water under the bridge. Keep focusing on what you have and not what could have been.

[hithere112]

You're right. And I know. Hopefully as we start having chapter and I get to MEET my pledge class it will become easier.

[AXiDTrish]

Different sororities have different events and timeframes for new members. Just because one is having more events now, doesn't mean yours will/won't have more later. Take one day at a time and enjoy it!

Also, I'm not familiar with your campus, but I assume there are more than two sororities on the campus correct? If so, are you really getting your last choice? Did you "cut" anyone during recruitment or feel like you didn't fit in one of those other chapter? You did not get your last choice. Those would have been your last choice.

Sororities are cyclical. They might be good for 5 years or 10, but one or two years of new member classes that aren't as strong/lack leaders, etc will flip the "tiers." A few years of strong recruiting for a weaker chapter will also cause the flip. Be part of the flip! I was in that "bottom tier" chapter (15 years ago) and it's been amazing to see them transform over the years. I KNOW I contributed to their continuing success even now. Have FUN! Love it!

[hithere112]

I thought I would post a little update for anyone who wanted to know and for future pnms that might be where I was during recruitment. I am IN LOVE WITH MY SORORITY. 150%. I love our philantropy. I love what we stand for. I love my sisters. And..today my chapter made our greek sing for what is the first time in 20 years. Greek life is truly what you put into it. I can't wait to make this chapter the best it can be so more girls can find their home during formal recruitment next year!

[Katmandu]

I am so glad to hear that you are loving your chapter and your sisters, and so glad you let us know how you are doing! Your story can be helpful to future PNMs who may be cut from their favorite chapters during recruitment, but go on to find a happy home.

Your enthusiasm and positive attitude will be an asset to your chapter. Have a blast! Let us know how recruitment feels on "the other side" next summer.

[etadrisophila]

Great news and thank you for coming back to share your wisdom.