A Retro Recruitment - 'Game of Thrones' Style

[AGDAlum]

I'm going to be sneaking back to this thread all day! *
Your memory for every detail is remarkable.



*actually, at this time of year I spend a lot of time on GC!

[KDCat]

The whole armpit thing is hilarious! So is the pity party!

More, please!

[Hindsight]

Thank you all for the kind words - I'm so glad I kept a little diary in my calendar and saved it all these years. It's really helped with the details.

So - I got ready and headed down to meet with our groups for 4 party day. I waited until the last minute because I was afraid someone would ask me which 4 houses I was going to - and I only had 3. When I got downstairs, however, there were a lot of red eyes, a lot of sniffling, and some missing faces. There were also some jubilant smiling girls, but it seemed like the majority of the girls I'd gotten to know or that I'd seen every day looked a bit shellshocked.

From the whispered comments, I learned that grade cuts had been pretty severe and that many girls had dropped out. Ahh, now I could understand what had happened to me a little better. I'd only managed a 2.75 my senior year during the divorce, after a lifetime of As and Bs. No wonder I'd been cut so heavily. I also learned that "Amy" from my doorm floor had been cut from Cersei and she had decided to drop out of rush and that the girl who kept stalking Sansa during Open House had been dropped from all the houses and was not asked back to any for 4 party day. I felt a little better, but still wondered if there was any point in going through the rest of the charade. I hadn't been wanted at Jaime Lannister, where all my good friends were. That fact played over and over in my mind, like a hot little blister, and hurt each time. I tried to make my internal voice shut up by thinking of how much I liked Catelyn and Arya. But I still felt like a loser.

After a brief pep talk, our Rho Chis released us to head to our parties. I had chosen what I thought was a gorgeous turquoise dress. It looked like a raw silk but had some shine to it. I had borrowed some matching turquoise heels from a friend, but they were a bit too big, so I'd had to stuff the toes with tissue. In hindsight, I'm cringing looking at the pics. The dress was too tight, too short and made of some shiny man-made material that just wasn't really 1980's prep wear. All I knew was it made my eyes look very green and I thought I looked like a million bucks.

I saw "Tamara" and "Jennifer" from my dorm floor walking in the same direction. "Tamara" was also heading to Ygritte first, and "Jennifer" was walking to Jon Snow. We talked as we walked, and I gathered that they had also been cut from several of their favorite houses. "Tamara" and I said goodbye to "Jennifer" as we arrived at our first party:

Ygritte I was feeling pretty sober as I walked in, and knew I had to really reach out and get to know these girls. They offered us delicious cupcakes and we broke off into groups of 3 or 4 and just talked. Unlike the last visit, I had a very vivacious brunette girl who was great at keeping the conversation going. "Tamara" and I stuck close by each other and the more I got to know her, the more I liked her and thought she would be a great pledge sister. Ygritte had not been high on either of our lists, but we were both trying to look at them with fresh eyes. We got to tour the whole house this time, and it was really cute and well-decorated. Our hostess took us to meet the president and some of the officers, and they asked a lot of great questions and really seemed to want to get to know us better. Although this was the best party I'd had at Ygritte so far, I remember clearly looking out the window during a transition period and feeling almost detached from the process. It hurt so badly that I'd been cut from Jaime Lannister and Daenerys, that what I thought were my close friends hadn't wanted me. It all seemed very surreal at that point, and I started to wonder if I was really cut out to be in a sorority. I enjoyed the party at Ygritte, though, and could see there were many girls there who I could enjoy being around. I also saw a girl that I really liked who I'd gone to high school with. "Shelley" was my age and I hadn't known she was going through recruitment since our last names were far apart in the alphabet. She confessed to me that she loved Ygritte and was hoping to end up there, and that made me think it might be a good place for me, too.

Arya was next, and it turned out 'Tamara' from my dorm floor was heading there, too. This made me happy - I wasn't alone in my journey. It was a short walk, but my feet in their ill-fitting turquoise heels were already hurting. When we got to Arya, I was greeted by the same senior that I'd adored at the last party. Her name was "Debbie" and she hugged my shoulder warmly and told me she was so glad I'd come back. At this party, we alternated between milling around to talk and members standing up to share why they'd chosen Arya. It was very relaxed, very comfortable, and I could feel my spirits start to rise. I looked over at 'Tamara' and she had a huge smile on her face for the first time that day. 'Debbie' kept introducing me to new girls, and spoke so well of me to them that I could feel my bruised ego start to recover. Each girl I met was funny, smart, and easy to talk to. There was just something about the energy at Arya - the girls were sincerely happy and cared about each other, but had great sense of humor, too. I think there were cookies but I was having too much fun talking to the members to want to take time to eat them. It seemed everyone could be themselves there and be accepted. I felt happy for the first time that day, and I really felt that Arya would be one of my top two.

Catelyn was just a short walk from Arya, and I was glad because my feet hurt so badly. 'Tamara' split off to head to Jon Snow, and then she had Bran for her last party. I was glad to be alone so I could walk really, really slow. I thought about taking off my shoes but didn't want to run my hose. When I got to Catelyn, my friend 'Suzanne's older sister again took me by the hand and introduced me to more girls. I also saw many PNM girls that I knew from school, cheer, church, and other friends I'd made during recruitment. I relaxed immediately and really liked all the girls I met. After some tea and little sandwiches, we all sat down on an Oriental rug in the big room and listened to many members talk about what Catelyn meant to them. In between speakers, 'Suzanne's sister whispered to me that she really hoped I was having fun, that I would be an awesome sister, that all the girls really liked me and were hoping I would come back to preference. Since I'd known her so long, it didn't feel like a violation but rather a welcomed return to normal conversation. I knew I would feel at home here and that 'Suzanne' and her 2 older sisters would envelop me in their fun group, just as they had in high school. However, compared to Arya, the party just felt a little flat. While some of the girls speaking were great speakers and had interesting stories, some of them were not and spoke too long. Finally, when it was time to stand up, my leg collapsed under me and I almost fell into their big glass coffee table. My foot had fallen asleep from sitting too long! I was SO embarrassed! But the girls around me all reassured me and laughed it off. I felt like they handled it so well, and it made me feel that Catelyn would be there for me through thick and thin and that I didn't have to be 'perfect' to find a home there.

Now my parties were over and I could slink back to my dorm room before anyone noticed that I didn't have a 4th party scheduled. I quickly got out of those hurty heels and that tight shiny dress and thought about my choices. I knew that Catelyn and Arya were my top two choices from what I still had left, so that part was easy. I'm not proud of how 'glass half empty" I was feeling, but have to be honest. While I had liked Ygritte more this time than ever before, it still didn't quite feel as comfortable to me.

But what to do about ranking Catelyn and Arya? Catelyn's house was much nicer, and I already had a built-in support system with Suzanne and her two older sisters. I felt like I could be myself there, that I wouldn't have to hide being a brainiac for fear of being labeled a nerd. I had great experiences each time I went there, and had always had great conversations. I could really see myself being a Catelyn, and being happy.

I had enjoyed every Arya party from the beginning. Now, with Jaime Lannister and Daenerys removed from my options, I could finally see that I'd been ranking Arya much lower than what my true feelings indicated. I absolutely loved "Debbie" - a complete stranger that I'd just met, but felt immediately close to her. Most of the girls I'd met there had been great to talk to, and I could see they were a very close sisterhood. The only drawback was that I really didn't know anyone well there, and their house. It was very lovely on the inside with classic decorations that were quite tasteful. But the outside was very dated and just not that impressive. While I knew in my head I was judging a book by its cover, my emotions feared that others would judge me by the appearance of the house. I knew it was shallow, but that was my main concern about Arya.

When it came time to rank, I wrote down:

1. Catelyn
2. Arya
3. Ygritte

[Hindsight]

The next morning, we got our invites to 2 Party Day, or Preference. I wasn't surprised at all to see

1. Arya
2. Catelyn

I fleetingly felt a little badly about Ygritte - after all, I had really liked them, they had a lovely house, and my friend "Shelley" would probably be there. I just liked Catelyn and Arya more. I was also thrilled to learn that my new friend "Tamara" from the dorms was also going back to Arya for Preference. She was totally laid back and fun to hang out with, and it would be reassuring to have a built-in PNM friend at Preference.

I have no recollection of what I wore to Preference, and I didn't take good notes that day. I can only assume it wasn't anything that caused sweat or limb maiming issues, or I'm sure I'd have written that down!

Arya was my first Preference party, and I wasn't sure what to expect. I was greeted by one of 'Debbie's good friends who was also a senior. After a few minutes of talking in a large group, we were led into a smaller room with the lights dimmed and candles lit. Each senior spoke about how being an Arya had changed her for the better during her college journey, and it was very emotional. Then several girls who had experienced difficulties in college spoke about how her Arya sisters were there for them, and how the sisterhood had banded together to support them beyond their expectations. I thought how comforting that would have been when I went through all the bad stuff with my family in the previous couple of years. The girls were very open, very honest and real, yet still managed to have a wry sense of humor. Finally, candles were handed around the circle and all the members lit their candles from one another. The each PNM was handed a candle and was asked to light her candle from a member's candle. They talked about how easily our lights can be blown out by life's circumstances, and that the Arya sisterhood was always there to relight our flame. I was very touched, and had tears in my eyes. Several girls were outright crying and were being hugged by members. I saw 'Tamara' was also touched. Then we all blew out our candles and the party ended with more small talk as the members walked us to the door, singing a very pretty and emotional song. It was the first time I'd seen the more serious and emotional side of Arya, and I felt like they were the total package. If I'd been asked to choose right then, I would have happily pledged Arya.

Next I walked to Catelyn. I saw my good friend "Suzanne" for the first time right at the door, so we walked in together and stuck together for the whole party. It was so good to see her and catch up, as I hadn't seen her at all during Rush. We were met by her sisters and all their friends, and a few other PNM friends from high school joined our group. We were just one big happy family, and we all were giddy with the joy of catching up and being together! The Catelyn preference was less subdued than Arya had been, and more upbeat. We all formed a big circle, and each girl was asked to say how she hoped sorority life would change her life for the better. I felt very nervous about saying the 'right' thing and can't remember what I said, but I guess I did ok because I didn't write down what I said. All the members shared what they thought it would be like to be in a sorority when they pledged, and then how their perceptions had changed over the years. It was so honest and refreshing to hear these older girls share some of the same fears and hesitations I'd felt about going through rush! They then sang a few songs and the president talked about both the tangible and intangible benefits of being in a sisterhood. They didn't seem to be selling Catelyn hard at all, but rather showing the PNMs that sisters really care and are your support system no matter what. I felt really happy and was having so much fun with old friends and new. I knew without a doubt that I would not only fit in at Catelyn, but that I would have tons of fun and be glad I joined!

Too soon the party was over, and we headed back to the dorms. 'Suzanne' asked me on the way back what I thought, and said that her sisters said they were all really hoping I would become a Catelyn. She verified that, of course, she herself was going to choose Catelyn and squeezed my hand. She told me to follow my heart, but that she couldn't lie - she was hoping I would be her sister, too.

Now I had a really hard decision to make. Catelyn or Arya? I didn't have much time to decide, and I was going to have to really search my soul. The parties had been very different in tone, but each very good in its own way. I felt very comfortable in both houses. I had adored my time at Arya until I got to Catelyn, where I felt almost giddy with happiness and belonging. This was a very hard choice to make, and I had no idea what the 'right' choice would be.

[KDCat]

Aaaaaand?

Don't leave us hanging!

[etadrisophila]

Hindsight:

You have a gift of story-telling; I can't wait to "hear" the rest!

[tigerivy]

GREAT story... don't leave us hanging!!!

[Hindsight]

After all the girls got back from their parties, we had plenty of time before dinner to talk on our dorm floor. We all piled into one room and shared our thoughts:

Patsy: was choosing between Daenerys and Jon Snow
Sharon: was choosing between Sansa and Jaime Lannister
Amy: had dropped out and had gone home until school officially started because she didn't get asked back to Cersei
Tamara: was choosing between Arya and Ygritte
Lori: was choosing between Cersei and Sansa, but was a Cersei legacy so duh.
Jennifer: was choosing between Jon Snow and Jaime Lannister

I still felt a little awkward. For the most part, these girls were getting to choose between the houses that I'd really wanted, except 'Tamara.' I didn't talk much during the conversations and comparisons, because I was still so sad that my closest friends had all cut me from Jaime Lannister and Daenerys. Didn't these girls realize how LUCKY they were? I spoke with 'Tamara' privately later, and she confessed that she was going Arya, all the way. I thought what a great pledge sister she would be, and how nice it would be to become better friends with her. But the ready-made friend group I had waiting at Catelyn - how could I let them all down by choosing another house where I really knew no one very well?

I excused myself to go think alone. I knew Catelyn would be great, based on my friends being there, by how comfortable I felt each time I was there, by how I felt I could be myself and brainy or flighty as the mood struck and I would still be welcomed. Their house was really pretty, too. Everything seemed to be pointing toward Catelyn as a no-brainer, except...

I just kept feeling this heart tug toward Arya. I had a huge rush crush on 'Debbie' the senior who I'd spent so much time with. I felt they were so sincere and real, and I had a total blast at each and every one of their parties. Plus they all seemed to have great senses of humor, which is crucial to me. By comparison, while the girls at Catelyn were all fun and friendly and great to talk to, I didn't get the same 'click' feeling when it came to sense of humor. Hard to explain, but in that area Arya felt like a better fit. But their house...was just so average. And I already felt like a loser for getting cut from my top houses. How could I pledge at a sorority whose physical house I also felt apologetic about?

Time soon ran out, and I hadn't yet made my decision. I kept wavering back and forth between Catelyn and Arya, and even made a Ben Franklin list - wrote down each house on a piece of paper and listed all the pros and cons of each. Still couldn't make up my mind.

I was looking at the blank pref form in despair when the Rho Chi knocked on my door and told me it was time to turn prefs in. Taking a deep breath, I quickly wrote a name, folded the paper and said a quick prayer that I'd made the right choice before I turned it in.

[Hindsight]

The next morning, we were all up bright and early. We were told to wait in our rooms until we heard the knock on our door to announce that bids were ready.

I finally heard the knock, saw the bid being slid under the door and grabbed it quickly. It read:




























ARYA









which was the name I'd written down as my first choice, otherwise known as:






















GAMMA PHI BETA!!!

[KKGCaroline]

Congratulations on Gamma Phi Beta! Awesome Recruitment Story!

[Hindsight]

In the end, I followed my heart tug and have always been grateful and felt I did the right thing. It truly was the right choice for me! Debbie is still a lifelong friend, as is Tamara. Yes, I felt regret at not choosing Catelyn, but was so grateful that I had two really good and meaningful houses to choose from.I also think it was the first time I made a choice based on things that matter, not whose house was fanciest. I also took a risk in upsetting my friends at Catelyn, but luckily they were true friends. We stayed friends, still went out together, and are in touch to this day. It was hard to walk away from 'ready made' friends, but I made so many new and true friends at Arya. They loved me through thick and thin and it has been so great as an alum to write recs for my friend's daughters and watch as they fell in love with Arya, too.

Here's what the other girls chose:

Patsy went Daenerys.
Sharon went Sansa and we are still in touch to this day.
Tamara went Arya, was my pledge sister, and to this day is a dear friend
Lori went Cersei. Duh. We still stay in touch.
Jennifer went Jon Snow. We are still in touch to this day.
Suzanne went Catelyn, of course.












Now, every time I read a recruitment story, I'm dying for a key so I know the names of all the houses. I figure since 30+ years have gone by, it's likely safe to share their real names with you.

Jaime Lannister = Chi Omega

Daenerys = Pi Beta Phi

Catelyn = Alpha Chi Omega

Sansa = Kappa Kappa Gamma

Jon Snow = Tri Delt

Arya = Gamma Phi Beta

Ygritte = Zeta Tau Alpha

Tyrion = Alpha Gamma Delta

Cersei = Kappa Alpha Theta

Bran = Delta Gamma

Shae = Alpha Phi

And finally, ironically enough, Gamma Phi remodeled their house a few years after I graduated - and it's now one of the most beautiful sorority houses on OU campus. To think what I would have missed out on if I had only let superficial appearances be my guide!

[Lovethesand]

As a woman I just laughed out loud at the armpit, sweating thing. Just so wrong and so funny.

As a mom I just wanted to reach out to 30 year younger you and give you a hug. What an honest recruitment story filled with ups and downs and a happy ending. I wish other PNMs could take from your story that it's not just about today (recruitment week or the first year) but about a lifetime. Thanks for sharing.

[Sciencewoman]

Yay!!! I did not see this one coming, because the house description threw me off.

I know a couple alumnae from your chapter!

[barbino]

This is a really good story because it shows the importance of going with your heart, no matter what your mind tells you. Some girls will have a difficult decision between 2 chapters. You did, and I did, too -- in exactly the same time frame, 30+ years ago. Like you, I still remember. I was one of the last girls in the room, trying to decide. One was my heart; the other felt like it was my soul. It's OK to go with what your soul tells you, too.

Actually, this is the best position to be in during recruitment - to find yourself deciding between 2 houses that you know you would be happy at, no matter which bid you receive.

[SWTXBelle]

Yay for a Gamma Phi ending! Terrific story!