What does it say in your by-laws?

[MaryPoppins]

Originally Posted by Titchou

OK, first class in terminology. Women graduates of sororities are "alumnae" not "alumni."
The singular for the female is alumna and for a male is alumnus. If you are talking about a woman, such as myself, who is a grad of a school which has both genders, then yes, I am an alumnus of the University of Alabama and belong to the Alumni Association, and an alumna of Delta Gamma who belongs to the local Alumnae chapter.

(contented geek girl sigh)

[Old_Row]

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

Thanks for that! My husband and I have heavily discussed and researched over the past year. We have definitely decided it's a perfect fit for me and for our situation. My campus has so many different options!

How do you and your husband know that sorority life is a perfect fit for you? I can't even imagine being married and being in a sorority! It is hard enough to have a serious boyfriend or fiance. Not only are there long required hours spent with your sisters especially when pledging there are also a lot of mandatory activities where your husband will not be welcome or included and some of those will include a lot of other men and parties. I'd feel pretty horrible if my spouse kept going out without me like that. I think when you're married you are in kind of a different place.

Like others have said, even if a sorority technically allows a married lady to join it doesn't mean she won't be immediately cut for that reason. You should be very honest with all the houses when you rush and really think hard about the time and emotional commitments needed especially as a new member because I think you are probably not as well informed about that as you think.

[FSUZeta]

Perhaps at the chapter your friend received a bid from, it is uncommon(or not allowed) that a married PNM would be offered a bid, and perhaps the chapter sought special permission from the chapter's National office to offer her a bid, which was ultimately not allowed by the National officer they contacted. She might not have been able to get back with the chapter until bid day. National officers have a lot on their plates everyday, which is magnified during recruitment.

I ditto what others have said-be very upfront on your registration form and with your rec. writers (if you need them for your college) that you are married. Wear your wedding ring to the parties, be frank in your discussions at the parties, and hopefully that will prevent similar disappointment for you. Better to not be invited back to a chapter during recruitment, than to have your membership revoked because the chapter did not know that you were married, and it is against their policy to pledge a married woman.

[TransferPNM]

Originally Posted by Old_Row

How do you and your husband know that sorority life is a perfect fit for you? I can't even imagine being married and being in a sorority! It is hard enough to have a serious boyfriend or fiance. Not only are there long required hours spent with your sisters especially when pledging there are also a lot of mandatory activities where your husband will not be welcome or included and some of those will include a lot of other men and parties. I'd feel pretty horrible if my spouse kept going out without me like that. I think when you're married you are in kind of a different place.

Like others have said, even if a sorority technically allows a married lady to join it doesn't mean she won't be immediately cut for that reason. You should be very honest with all the houses when you rush and really think hard about the time and emotional commitments needed especially as a new member because I think you are probably not as well informed about that as you think.

My husband and I are very well aware of all the time commitments and activities, courtesy of many friends. It is appreciated that so many people are speaking up to make sure this is a good decision, though. He just graduated and accepted a job with a global rotation program next month and will be working out of the country almost 8 months of the year. He is very easy going about not being invited to things.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

I honestly think I would be more concerned about a member with a new boyfriend than a husband. In those situations, they may refuse to go a day without seeing each other and follow each other around like little dogs - haha.

Um, wow. That kind of condescending attitude will be more detrimental than a wedding ring ever would.

I agree with everyone who said be upfront and definitely wear your ring. Sorority members and PNMs are instructed not to talk about men/relationships during rush, but this is a little different.

[TransferPNM]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Um, wow. That kind of condescending attitude will be more detrimental than a wedding ring ever would.

I agree with everyone who said be upfront and definitely wear your ring. Sorority members and PNMs are instructed not to talk about men/relationships during rush, but this is a little different.

I apologize, it was just a joke. It's a popular way every body from where I am from discusses puppy love. I certainly don't appreciate the condescending attitudes I have received or judgements of my relationship as I have integrated back into college life; I would never purposely do the same to others. It was meant as a joke. My apologies.

and thanks for the feedback. It's definitely a discussion to be had and knowing whether to have it during or after rush was a big question as well!

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

I honestly think I would be more concerned about a member with a new boyfriend than a husband. In those situations, they may refuse to go a day without seeing each other and follow each other around like little dogs - haha.

Um, ok.

[TransferPNM]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Um, ok.

Local joke. Apologies. I have deleted it. Sorry for any offense.

[Old_Row]

Originally Posted by TransferPNM

My husband and I are very well aware of all the time commitments and activities, courtesy of many friends. It is appreciated that so many people are speaking up to make sure this is a good decision, though. He just graduated and accepted a job with a global rotation program next month and will be working out of the country almost 8 months of the year. He is very easy going about not being invited to things.

Wait. Your husband will be gone for 8 months out of the year and you're going to be going to fraternity mixers and whatnot? How old are you anyway and how long have you been married?

[pbear19]

I understood exactly what she meant about the boyfriend/husband difference. Honestly, not every married couple spends 24/7 with each other!! My husband and I have our own separate lives, and we are very happily married. The first several years of our marriage he had a job that took him away from home about 90% of every month, and I went out with my work friends quite a bit. Including the men that I worked with. We trusted each other and there was never jealousy about what we were doing when the other wasn't around.

It sounds like the OP has a similar relationship with her husband as I have with mine. If so, her marriage would not in any way be a hindrance from her joining a sorority, provided the members are interested in and able to offer her a bid.

[angels&angles]

I think the OP is seeing a sorority as something to fill her time while her husband isn't home. And in some ways, that's not a bad way to look at it. But on the other hand, after 8 months, when hubby gets back in town, will her sorority membership and duties become an inconvenience?

I do know what you mean about husbands vs new boyfriends. I always hated when my friends would drop me for some dude they started dating.

I do wonder how old the OP is, and if that and the general experience gap between her and other members (who are looking for fratbro dates for formals) may be a bigger hindrance.

OP, these are just musings. We may know (some varieties of) sorority life, but only you know your life, situation, and marriage. I say go through recruitment, but go with an open eye and mind to some of the things we point out as possible stumbling blocks for you (beyond simply getting a bid).

[AZTheta]

OP, no one has been condescending to you. People have expressed their opinions. Here's mine:

Please be aware that during the new member period, your membership can be fairly "easily" terminated; it is very important for you to be totally upfront from the get-go about your marital status. It could be most unpleasant if the chapter found this out after the fact.

Also, understand that sororities are voluntary membership organizations and that they each have established and follow their own constitution/bylaws/policies.

And what your friends tell you, or you research and read, really doesn't matter; it's your own actual recruitment/membership experience that counts.

I wish you good luck!

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Titchou

If you are talking about a woman, such as myself, who is a grad of a school which has both genders, then yes, I am an alumnus of the University of Alabama and belong to the Alumni Association . . . .

Are you sure about that? While you are indeed a member of the Alumni Association, and you and your former male classmates are now alumni, I think you alone are still an alumna of the University because you are female and there is only one of you. The fact that the school is co-ed doesn't affect the fact that as one female you're an alumna. It's only in the plural that mixed groups take the masculine form.

And we could point out that historically, alumni is pronounced a-lum-nee, while alumnae is pronounced a-lum-nie (as in pie). My Pi Phi mother-in-law still pronounces them that way.

#alli'vegot

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Are you sure about that? While you are indeed a member of the Alumni Association, and you and your former male classmates are now alumni, I think you alone are still an alumna of the University because you are female and there is only one of you. The fact that the school is co-ed doesn't affect the fact that as one female you're an alumna. It's only in the plural that mixed groups take the masculine form.

This is what I thought, but I didn't want to correct her without being sure

I would think that by yourself, you (Titchou) would always be an alumna. If in a group - as a member of an association, a graduate of a university, etc. - it would depend on the makeup of the group; all female = alumnae, mix of male and female = alumni.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Are you sure about that? While you are indeed a member of the Alumni Association, and you and your former male classmates are now alumni, I think you alone are still an alumna of the University because you are female and there is only one of you. The fact that the school is co-ed doesn't affect the fact that as one female you're an alumna. It's only in the plural that mixed groups take the masculine form.

And we could point out that historically, alumni is pronounced a-lum-nee, while alumnae is pronounced a-lum-nie (as in pie). My Pi Phi mother-in-law still pronounces them that way.

#alli'vegot

Quite correct.

alumnus = one male
alumna = one female
alumni = a group of males
alumnae = a group of females
alumni = a group of males and females (even if there are 1000 women and 1 man in the group, they are still collectively referred to as alumni)

<----- 7 years of middle school and high school Latin