Daughter is a legacy and was cut

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by Cane94G8r97

Very true words... almost every organization has a chapter at a school where they are doing extrememly well, and a chapter at a differnet school where they might be struggling. "Tiers" mean nothing once you graduate, and you are an alumna SIGNIFICANTLY longer than you are a collegian.

THIS.

Amen.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I'll just add that I think it would be helpful to have given some clear and honest thought to why your daughter did not do well in formal.

A full schedule of pref invites is a far cry from "did not do well". Your advice is better-geared, I think, towards someone who legitimately had no options. The OP's daughter clearly had options, she just chose not to pursue them.

[UNCalum]

I'll fill you in a little on my daughter, as it might help -
She only knew one current sister. Also, she's pretty quiet and tends to be shy in new situations - until she becomes comfortable, and then she is hilarious and fun.
It will work out for the best in the long run, I hope, and she'll find the house that she truly fits in.

[drgnlady]

Three houses for pref at UNC is a successful recruitment. Also, while the sophomore quota does seem to place more sophomores in each pledge class, your daughter will not be a "clean slate" pnm. All freshman at UNC come in with fabulous grade points. This is not true of sophomores. And the girls do remember who they cut year to year. If this were my daughter, I would strongly recommend that she become very active on campus and keep her grade point way up if she wanted to attempt a second formal recruitment.

[BlueOwl]

Sometimes I think that it hurts mom more than the daughter. Even though I NEVER pressured my daughter to join my sorority, when she was cut by my sorority about midway through recruitment week I felt so betrayed and so hurt. Of course my daughter continued on to have a wonderful recruitment and found her "home" in another sorority!! I also completely acknowledge that most chapters simply can't offer bids to all legacies as there are just too many now. However, don't most sororities invite legacies back at least to the second party?

[aj12291]

I was told by our outgoing VPM that we are generally encouraged to cut legacies as early as possible, if she is to be cut, because it gives the legacy the best opportunity to not get false hope and that she doesn't ignore all the other chapters on campus. We are a school, however, where our recruitment kickoff includes no-cut house tours. So each legacy always does come back for a second day.

[greekdee]

I am sorry for your daughter's disappointment, as well as yours. It's painful and there is no getting around that. Most of the PNMs I do recommendations for go through recruitment at the super-competitive SEC schools. We see this happen a good bit and I think it's related to record numbers of PNMs going through recruitment these days -- I really think there was a Baby Boom in the '90's! A couple of years ago, word on the street was that there were enough legacies to one Ole Miss chapter to actually fill a pledge class at least two times over.

You mentioned that your daughter can present as quiet and shy. That can make for a rockier recruitment, which I have seen happen to more than a few really stellar girls trying to navigate through big, busy and loud recruitments. They do, however, often connect and shine better at COB events.

That said, I would encourage that your daughter take part in UNC's (great school, by the way!) spring recruitment. It may be just the atmosphere for her to get to know the participating chapters better. She may just find that a chapter she "liked" ends up being one she loves. That is not unusual at all! Best wishes to her!

[AZTheta]

Without divulging membership selection information, I would say with confidence that each chapter/sorority has its own policy re: releasing or carrying legacies.

An "automatic invite" to second round may depend on many things. For example, if the legacy does not have the minimum GPA, she may be automatically released after Open House. Hypothetically speaking, of course, because as we all know, politics kicks in and if Laura Legacy's relatives have contributed thousands to the Sorority or have other "connections", pressure may be brought to bear... you guys know where I'm going with this.

Bottom line: every sorority has its own policies. NO universals in recruitment. This has been talked about/debated in other threads ad infinitum.

[ElvisLover]

There is no such thing as a "clean slate" for a rush-over, as Old Row and thetalady stated upthread. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by thetalady

Please, please, please STOP this "top tier" thinking. It does nothing but hurt in many ways. Every group has things to offer, every sorority has a sisterhood that they treasure. That is what matters.

It will especially hurt her daughter's recruitment if she's using "top tier" when talking about chapters with her. It's bad enough that the PNMs all gossip about such silly/irrelevant things, but when parents do the same, the PNM will most likely put an even larger emphasis on them, when it really doesn't matter.

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by UNCalum

I'll fill you in a little on my daughter, as it might help - and your questions gee_ess are very pertinent as to why this might have happened last Fall.
She graduated first in a senior class of 26 people (SMALL private school) and her GPA was 4.6. She was Varsity Tennis and Soccer captain, active in student government, active in our church, etc. But all of this happened in a smallish town in a very small school where she's known the same people since Kindergarten. There simply weren't girls that knew her well that could stand up in those crazy bid sessions and fight for her. She only knew one current sister. Also, she's pretty quiet and tends to be shy in new situations - until she becomes comfortable, and then she is hilarious and fun. It was probably unrealistic to think she could stand out at one of the most desirable chapters at Carolina - even being a legacy. But she's grown up going to Chapel Hill for football games and has been to this house with me for Homecoming brunches since she was small. I don't blame her for picturing herself there.
It will work out for the best in the long run, I hope, and she'll find the house that she truly fits in.

For what is worth. PNM's like your daughter tend to do extremely well in spring recruitment. Formal recruitment can be difficult for shy and quiet girls. Some Chapter at UNC will be thrilled to have your daughter as a member and I have a feeling she will find her home IF she can keep an open mind. At this point she has nothing to loose. She should go to the Greek event and see what her options are and have fun!

Good luck to your daughter.

[UNCalum]

Thanks for all of the invaluable advice! You've definitely given me some tools to help guide her, and have really opened my eyes about the importance of being open-minded. I'll post again after the Monday night kickoff!

[FSUZeta]

Best wishes to you daughter!

[thetalady]

You have a great atrtitude, UNCAlum! I was impressed that you came here without bitterness toward your own GLO. I really hope that your daughter will enjoy informal rush. Sounds like she will do better in a less hectic situation. And tell her that "running to the house" can be highly overrated!

[pinapple]

Just to stress what the others have said, your daughter will not have a clean slate for Fall Recruitment. This does not mean she will not be successful, but it is important that you weigh that against Spring Recruitment before the decision is made. Without getting into any membership selection, chapters know exactly who has walked into their doors in the past and this is especially true of legacy candidates. Earlier posters are 100% correct that legacies are released as soon as possible so that they can put their best foot forward at other houses. For most houses this occurs after round 2.

If your daughter has grown as a person and has become significantly more outgoing since arriving at UNC, then maybe Fall recruitment would be a good option for her, but being known on campus can work equally against you too. She needs to take a hard long look at the relationships that she has formed and find out if she has made deep rooted connections with girls in the houses she was always interested in.

I have to agree that when you state she has friends in houses that she "likes" but doesn't "love" that reputation and tiers have to be in play here. I think it is natural, but I find that reputations at some of the major SEC and Southern Schools are just that...reputations. Some of the best sisterhoods around are found where people think they don't want to look. When a chapter faces any type of adversity because they are labeled from the 60s-70's-80's, they form strong bonds of solidarity that are far stronger and more loving than those found in houses, that from the outside seem like the beat all, end all of Sorority Row.

EVERY single GLO has something to offer. Some stress academics, some stress being social butterflies, the list goes on. What this will all boil down to is if your daughter wants to be Greek or not. If she does, she has nothing to lose by going through Spring Recruitment, trying each chapter on for size and then making a decision. Right now it is simply speculation that she does not "love" any of the recruiting chapters. If she leaves Spring Recruitment without a home then she can try Fall.

I have said this before and I will say it again here because it is fitting. Reputations are tricky things. A good one can hide a flawed sisterhood, and bad one can hide a good one.