Daughter is a legacy and was cut

[gee_ess]

I'll just add that I think it would be helpful to have given some clear and honest thought to why your daughter did not do well in formal. Was she from out of state? Did she not have recs? Was the general scoop on her that she ONLY wanted to be an XYZ? How was her GPA? Has she made friends with girls in the various houses who might be pulling for her next year?

As mentioned in earlier posts, if she has vastly improved whatever contributed to her results last time, this can make a difference. But only you and your daughter can truly know that.

I agree with 33girl. If she has friends in a specific group and they are asking her to look at their group, then that is a positive sign.

In the end, you have to ask her if her goal is to be Greek - to have a sisterhood, to make memories, to benefit from a lifetime of associations with her sisters. OR does she only want to be an XYZ because that might not be possible.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I'll just add that I think it would be helpful to have given some clear and honest thought to why your daughter did not do well in formal.

A full schedule of pref invites is a far cry from "did not do well". Your advice is better-geared, I think, towards someone who legitimately had no options. The OP's daughter clearly had options, she just chose not to pursue them.

[drgnlady]

Three houses for pref at UNC is a successful recruitment. Also, while the sophomore quota does seem to place more sophomores in each pledge class, your daughter will not be a "clean slate" pnm. All freshman at UNC come in with fabulous grade points. This is not true of sophomores. And the girls do remember who they cut year to year. If this were my daughter, I would strongly recommend that she become very active on campus and keep her grade point way up if she wanted to attempt a second formal recruitment.

[UNCalum]

I'll fill you in a little on my daughter, as it might help -
She only knew one current sister. Also, she's pretty quiet and tends to be shy in new situations - until she becomes comfortable, and then she is hilarious and fun.
It will work out for the best in the long run, I hope, and she'll find the house that she truly fits in.

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by UNCalum

I'll fill you in a little on my daughter, as it might help - and your questions gee_ess are very pertinent as to why this might have happened last Fall.
She graduated first in a senior class of 26 people (SMALL private school) and her GPA was 4.6. She was Varsity Tennis and Soccer captain, active in student government, active in our church, etc. But all of this happened in a smallish town in a very small school where she's known the same people since Kindergarten. There simply weren't girls that knew her well that could stand up in those crazy bid sessions and fight for her. She only knew one current sister. Also, she's pretty quiet and tends to be shy in new situations - until she becomes comfortable, and then she is hilarious and fun. It was probably unrealistic to think she could stand out at one of the most desirable chapters at Carolina - even being a legacy. But she's grown up going to Chapel Hill for football games and has been to this house with me for Homecoming brunches since she was small. I don't blame her for picturing herself there.
It will work out for the best in the long run, I hope, and she'll find the house that she truly fits in.

For what is worth. PNM's like your daughter tend to do extremely well in spring recruitment. Formal recruitment can be difficult for shy and quiet girls. Some Chapter at UNC will be thrilled to have your daughter as a member and I have a feeling she will find her home IF she can keep an open mind. At this point she has nothing to loose. She should go to the Greek event and see what her options are and have fun!

Good luck to your daughter.

[UNCalum]

Thanks for all of the invaluable advice! You've definitely given me some tools to help guide her, and have really opened my eyes about the importance of being open-minded. I'll post again after the Monday night kickoff!

[coffeegal3]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

For what is worth. PNM's like your daughter tend to do extremely well in spring recruitment. Formal recruitment can be difficult for shy and quiet girls. Some Chapter at UNC will be thrilled to have your daughter as a member and I have a feeling she will find her home IF she can keep an open mind. At this point she has nothing to loose. She should go to the Greek event and see what her options are and have fun!

Good luck to your daughter.

Agreed. Many of my sisters who would consider themselves shy have said that informal recruitment can be a good time to show what will make you a wonderful sister (and, in your daughter's case, it looks like there are many ways she could add to the chapter) in a less overwhelming setting. And, like it has been said above, what does she have to lose?

Good luck to your daughter!

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by UNCalum

I'll fill you in a little on my daughter, as it might help -

Does your daughter know that you've put up a lot of really specific information about her? Collegiate members do come here, and there is a good chance that there are people who are at UNC. I would really suggest you edit such easily-indentifiable information about her here, especially if she doesn't know that you're doing so.

[UNCalum]

Done. Thanks!

[BlueOwl]

Sometimes I think that it hurts mom more than the daughter. Even though I NEVER pressured my daughter to join my sorority, when she was cut by my sorority about midway through recruitment week I felt so betrayed and so hurt. Of course my daughter continued on to have a wonderful recruitment and found her "home" in another sorority!! I also completely acknowledge that most chapters simply can't offer bids to all legacies as there are just too many now. However, don't most sororities invite legacies back at least to the second party?

[aj12291]

I was told by our outgoing VPM that we are generally encouraged to cut legacies as early as possible, if she is to be cut, because it gives the legacy the best opportunity to not get false hope and that she doesn't ignore all the other chapters on campus. We are a school, however, where our recruitment kickoff includes no-cut house tours. So each legacy always does come back for a second day.

[greekdee]

I am sorry for your daughter's disappointment, as well as yours. It's painful and there is no getting around that. Most of the PNMs I do recommendations for go through recruitment at the super-competitive SEC schools. We see this happen a good bit and I think it's related to record numbers of PNMs going through recruitment these days -- I really think there was a Baby Boom in the '90's! A couple of years ago, word on the street was that there were enough legacies to one Ole Miss chapter to actually fill a pledge class at least two times over.

You mentioned that your daughter can present as quiet and shy. That can make for a rockier recruitment, which I have seen happen to more than a few really stellar girls trying to navigate through big, busy and loud recruitments. They do, however, often connect and shine better at COB events.

That said, I would encourage that your daughter take part in UNC's (great school, by the way!) spring recruitment. It may be just the atmosphere for her to get to know the participating chapters better. She may just find that a chapter she "liked" ends up being one she loves. That is not unusual at all! Best wishes to her!

[AZTheta]

Without divulging membership selection information, I would say with confidence that each chapter/sorority has its own policy re: releasing or carrying legacies.

An "automatic invite" to second round may depend on many things. For example, if the legacy does not have the minimum GPA, she may be automatically released after Open House. Hypothetically speaking, of course, because as we all know, politics kicks in and if Laura Legacy's relatives have contributed thousands to the Sorority or have other "connections", pressure may be brought to bear... you guys know where I'm going with this.

Bottom line: every sorority has its own policies. NO universals in recruitment. This has been talked about/debated in other threads ad infinitum.

[ElvisLover]

There is no such thing as a "clean slate" for a rush-over, as Old Row and thetalady stated upthread. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

[FSUZeta]

Best wishes to you daughter!