Teaching formal manners as part of pledging/new membership?

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

The thing is, while technically correct, these are rather antiquated and probably not the most critical stuff to teach your members. The point of etiquette is to not be rude. It's far more important that people know not to chew with their mouth full or to return a napkin to the table than it is to course them in a bunch of arbitrary rules.

I think a good rule of thumb is to consider whether there is a good justification for the rule (e.g. you don't return your napkin to the table because it is dirty) in prioritizing the stuff members need to know.

Amen.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

The point of etiquette is to not be rude.

Agreed, with a slight modification. The point of etiquette, and etiquette rules, is to know what to expect. In other words, the point is to lay a groundwork of basic assumptions about what is rude and what is not (and yes, DrPhil is quite right that quite a discussion can be had about whose assumptions those are) so that people know how to avoid giving offense. Without a doubt, some things are likely to be seen as much more rude than others (talking with one's mouth full vs. eating with the wrong fork), and the ultimate goal is indeed to not be rude.

But even the rules that can seem arbitrary can matter -- where you put the napkin when you get up from the table can be a signal to servers as to whether you're coming back. (In your chair means you're coming back; loosely folded to the left of your plate means you are not.)

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

But even the rules that can seem arbitrary can matter -- where you put the napkin when you get up from the table can be a signal to servers as to whether you're coming back. (In your chair means you're coming back; loosely folded to the left of your plate means you are not.)

Exactly! I know I'd be mad if my plate was cleared when I wasn't yet finished!

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

But even the rules that can seem arbitrary can matter -- where you put the napkin when you get up from the table can be a signal to servers as to whether you're coming back. (In your chair means you're coming back; loosely folded to the left of your plate means you are not.)

This is actually debated among etiquette experts, so the best way to convey something to your server is to speak to them (or more precisely, they should ask you).

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

The thing is, while technically correct, these are rather antiquated and probably not the most critical stuff to teach your members. The point of etiquette is to not be rude. It's far more important that people know not to chew with their mouth full or to return a napkin to the table than it is to course them in a bunch of arbitrary rules.

I think a good rule of thumb is to consider whether there is a good justification for the rule (e.g. you don't return your napkin to the table because it is dirty) in prioritizing the stuff members need to know.

I won't argue with you (and what we learned wasn't restricted to rules like this - I just mentioned these because they were brought up). However, I do also think that certain rules should be followed to some extent. And depending on the setting, yes, they can be important. I've seen people not get jobs because of completely incorrect etiquette.

You don't have to be perfect all the time.. But holding your fork like a neanderthal, scarfing down food, and having not one thought about how you appear to others can lead to unpleasant meals for those around you. Although the rules don't have to be followed to a tee (I know I certainly don't do that), it does cause you to be more aware of how you should act while eating.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I won't argue with you....

Bad etiquette?

[Senusret I]

Etiquette used to be part of the Alpha pledge process. Now, we have no fucks left to give.

[Sciencewoman]

Our university holds an Etiquette Dinner each semester. It's a chance for students to brush up/learn these things before they hit the job market.