Ordering high end on the first date. Is it rude or is it just me?

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

What do you think is reasonably acceptable (for spending) on a first date? I posted something about this in the dating and relationships thread, but I wanted to see other folks points of view on this, because I'm thinking it's just me thinking like this. Like I was saying, I'll pay for the first date, but do you think it's rude for a girl to order a lot of high end food/drinks from the menu if the dude is paying for the date? On your first date what did you spend/order? Would you date her again if she ordered high end on you? I'm just trying to see if I'm looking into this too hard.

I already replied to what you posted in D&R. That's a lot. I'm sure she'll be calling you when she's hungry, though lol. (I'm kidding)

I dunno, it was different for me. My first "date" (if that's what you want to call it) with Mr. was weird, I guess. We never really "dated" per se. We were actually dating other people, while we were hanging out as good friends and complaining to each other about our dates lol. We didn't start "dating, dating"...until we started courting. Weird, I know. We date each other now, and money is never really an issue.

I guess for me, I never was really impressed with my previous dates because they thought wining and dining me would impress me. I was always happy going to a bagel or coffee shop on a first date, talking, and then maybe going to the movies or something. I dunno, I always would offer to pay for the movie if they paid for dinner, but they usually insisted on paying. I've always ordered what I wanted, and it never was expensive. I mean, I don't drink, so I don't think the bill was incredibly high or anything. I mean, I never looked at it to know, but I had an idea. I know it wasn't "$100.00 bucks" for the entire date, though.

Why don't you just take her to have coffee or something and see where the conversation goes? I'm not sure if you have a cider mill in your area, but those are always fun, and they don't cost a ton of money. It's just that I don't think you have to spend a lot of money to get to know someone. I mean, it's just a date, right?

[psusue]

On first dates I agree with everyone else that posted. I try to stay low to mid range price wise, but I also tend to like to eat cheaper thing (i.e. I don't really like shrimp or shellfish, therefore I wouldn't ever order it). I do try to order something that I really want though, so it doesn't seem like I'm trying to imply that he is poor (although all the guys I've dated have been college students, so they were poor haha).

I have only ordered alcohol at dinner when I was with my ex, so we were very candid about how much money we had/knew who was paying beforehand, but if I were to order some on a date I'd probably stick with a domestic beer or whatever was on special. I also never drink more than 1-2. So. I also tend to prefer cheaper restaurants so overall I'm pretty much a cheap date. I feel bad having people pay for me, ever. I also follow these rules when I'm out with family or friends who are paying. I only really ever order something expensive if I'm footing the bill. Personal preference, I guess I'll get over it if/when I get married.

[DrPhil]

Yes, this is all personally. And people have different ideas of what it means to be safe than sorry when it comes to such things.

For those who truly care about this type of thing, there are ways to politely set the tone for how much you expect to spend on a date. If the OP has yet to figure that out, now is a good time. LOL.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

If you don't want to spend that much money, don't go to a "high end" restaurant. I don't mind paying, but if I'm not trying to spend that much, we'll skip the 5-star Steakhouse and go to Pappadeaux or something.

Exactly.

Originally Posted by psusue

On first dates I agree with everyone else that posted. I try to stay low to mid range price wise, but I also tend to like to eat cheaper thing (i.e. I don't really like shrimp or shellfish, therefore I wouldn't ever order it). I do try to order something that I really want though...

I'm the same way.. I'm not "into" food like other people are, and I actually spend most of my time sitting at bars if I go out to eat with friends, parents, or guys I've been dating for a while. My dates don't spend a lot on me because a) I prefer salad/chicken/pasta to steak/shrimp/lobster any day, and b) I don't eat that much in one sitting. And the way entrees are today, I usually end up ordering soup and a salad, or an appetizer with a side dish.

And while I LOVE my Jack and Cokes, if I'm out at a nice dinner, I'll order the house Chardonnay.. Not because it's cheap, but because I tend to love cheap wine

However... If you see lobster on the menu, and that's what you want, I say order it! And if a guy thinks you're snobby and high maintenance because of that, F him. He's judgmental and he's missing out. If he didn't want you to order the lobster, he shouldn't have taken you to a place that offers it.

I will say, my one food addiction is swordfish. I can rarely even find it on a menu anymore, even at places where they used to serve it. So if I see it on a menu, I don't care.. I'm ordering it. You've been warned, guys

But personally, on a date, I'd be perfectly happy just going out and eating a bunch of caramels

[psusue]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

But personally, on a date, I'd be perfectly happy just going out and eating a bunch of caramels

Love the Good Will Hunting reference. And I agree with it. Much of what we do while dating is arbitrary, we are just trying to get to know the person better and discern their character, so in fact it doesn't completely matter what we actually do.

[katydidKD]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

What do you think is reasonably acceptable (for spending) on a first date? I posted something about this in the dating and relationships thread, but I wanted to see other folks points of view on this, because I'm thinking it's just me thinking like this. Like I was saying, I'll pay for the first date, but do you think it's rude for a girl to order a lot of high end food/drinks from the menu if the dude is paying for the date? On your first date what did you spend/order? Would you date her again if she ordered high end on you? I'm just trying to see if I'm looking into this too hard.

yes, its rude. you should be very mindful of what you are ordering when you are on a date and the other person is paying. One time i went out and got what i wanted but not everything haha (cause i was on a date) the next day a friend and i went to lunch to the same place (each paying for ourselves obviously) and i went nuts lol

[KillarneyRose]

Here's a slight twist on the initial question:
Whenever we go out to eat with my inlaws, they always insist on picking up the tab. When I asked my MIL about that once, she said it was important to them that they always pay when taking "the kids" (us) out to eat and that we could make it up to them when they're old and broke. (Note, that ain't gonna happen if I have any say about it).

However, they make it clear when we're ordering that they don't want us to order appetizers or dessert. Don't know the reasoning behind the appetizers but no dessert is because she always has thawed Christmas cookies back at the house so we are supposed to eat them instead (blech).

Now, I know they're well off so it's not a question about them not being able to afford appetizers or dessert. And, hey, sometimes I really want the fried calamari or the artichoke dip. Would it be rude to say, "Well, I want an appetizer so I'll pay for it." or should I just keep my mouth shut?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by KillarneyRose

Would it be rude to say, "Well, I want an appetizer so I'll pay for it." or should I just keep my mouth shut?

Perhaps not rude but just unnecessary. It may even hurt their feelings. You can pay for your own calamari or artichoke dip anyday.

Let them have that evening to pay for you with the expectation of no appetizers and no desserts.

[KillarneyRose]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Perhaps not rude but just unnecessary. It may even hurt their feelings. You can pay for your own calamari or artichoke dip anyday.

Let them have that evening to pay for you with the expectation of no appetizers and no desserts.

Yeah, I always figured I could just pay for my own appetizer but wasn't sure if that'd be rude or not. You're right; I can just not get my calamari some other time.

[DrPhil]

She probably didn't go buckwild on the menu. If I knew what she ordered and the total cost, I'd probably so "oh, is that all?"

Speaking of people showing you more than they tell you, someone who says "whatever you want" (not even saying "whatever you want within reason") but doesn't mean "whatever you want," and then doesn't stop you when you need to be stopped, is showing you that they might be a pushover.

[DrPhil]

This thread is all about going with the flow. Sometimes moderation is the flow and sometimes excess is the flow.

[KSig RC]

Also, OP/thread-starting-dude ... relax. This is all minor-league stuff, as you'll find out - when she calls you to use your car or your credit card, that's gold-digging behavior. When she asks you to bring rubbers to her place but doesn't invite you in, that's baggy behavior.

When she orders a lot of stuff at dinner, well, that is just that. Serenity now, as they say.

[KSUViolet06]

I'm still trying to figure out how someone's order at a restaurant determines whether they're going to be a gold-digger later on in the relationship. lol.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

That still doesn't answer my question...

If you *truly* wanted her to order whatever she wanted, without feeling like she's going to be sized up as a gold digger, what would you say other than "order whatever you want"?

"Order whatever you want. Fo' real, fo' real."?

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Why in the hell would you say ... anything?

Like ... we go to a fancy restaurant, I'm wearing my party tie and best slide-on shoes, we're in the moment. Why would I need to give a verbal cue to order? Isn't that weird as hell?

I guess the operative sports cliche would be "Ball don't lie" - why say anything at all, when all the context clues are already right there? Prompting somebody to get a fucking lobster is way more gauche than actually ordering the lobster.

Exactly! I think it'd be awkward as hell for someone to prompt me to order. Again, don't take me to an expensive restaurant if you don't want me to order an expensive dish.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I'm still trying to figure out how someone's order at a restaurant determines whether they're going to be a gold-digger later on in the relationship. lol.

Thank you!

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

"Order whatever you want. Fo' real, fo' real."?