Ordering high end on the first date. Is it rude or is it just me?

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by 33girl

And girls, learn to drink drinks that aren't pussy drinks that they WAY overcharge for. I think a guy would much rather hang with a girl that drinks whiskey and water than one who orders round upon round of girly girl cocktails that cost twice as much.

"Girly girl cocktails" often have more alcohol than straight up.
Just sayin.'

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

"Girly girl cocktails" often have more alcohol than straight up.
Just sayin.'

I am a certified mixologist. No they don't.

And this isn't about "if you can't afford a place, don't take a date there." It's about not looking like a greedy gold digger on the first date. I never doubt that the guy can afford a place if he takes me there - it's about his perception of me. It's in the same category as not getting shitfaced on the first date, IMO.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

And this isn't about "if you can't afford a place, don't take a date there." It's about not looking like a greedy gold digger on the first date.

This is subjective. It depends on the people involved and the context. What you consider looking like a greedy gold digger is interpreted another way by someone else. That is why adults learn to gauge their environments rather than being stuck with hardfast rules that do not always apply.

Just like there are people who have sex on the first date. Some of those people end up one night stands and some of them end up married for 100 years. Whatever works for them. What they eat doesn't make me shit, and vice versa.

[33girl]

Well then, I'll put it this way. I PERSONALLY would not feel comfy, even if I was out w/ Donald Trump, ordering the most expensive thing on the menu on the first date. Maybe there are some men out there who are fine with it (just as there are some one nighters that turn into lifetimes) but I honestly think it's better to be safe than sorry.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Well then, I'll put it this way. I PERSONALLY would not feel comfy, even if I was out w/ Donald Trump, ordering the most expensive thing on the menu on the first date. Maybe there are some men out there who are fine with it (just as there are some one nighters that turn into lifetimes) but I honestly think it's better to be safe than sorry.

Agreed.

Much the same way, if a guy asks me for a suggestion on where to go (and I think that's a fair question if he is coming up to my 'hood), I usually try to suggest two or three restaurants in different price ranges beforehand, so he can go online, see what they are, and pick which one makes him comfortable.

Now, if he picks the inexpensive Thai place, and then gets bent out of shape because I ordered the $12 duck entree when most of the other entrees are $10, we're gonna have problems.

(of course, this is all in past tense. sigh. dating.)

[Cen1aur 1963]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This is subjective. It depends on the people involved and the context. What you consider looking like a greedy gold digger is interpreted another way by someone else. That is why adults learn to gauge their environments rather than being stuck with hardfast rules that do not always apply.

Just like there are people who have sex on the first date. Some of those people end up one night stands and some of them end up married for 100 years. Whatever works for them. What they eat doesn't make me shit, and vice versa.

LOL at 'what they eat doesn't make me shit'. If that isn't the truth, then I don't know what is.

I read everybody elses posts, and I agreed. I think I'm going to ask her out again, but on a less expensive outing, that way I can see where her mind is. I did tell her to order whatever it is she wants off the menu, but I was just now reading something Dr. Phil said in her post about being straight up with folks. I was straight up with her, but at the same time I wasn't going to tell her 'order anything you want, but be selective with what you order. Don't order too many drinks or expensive items'. Telling her to order what she wanted, I would think that she would have some manners and be kind of moderate about it.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

I did tell her to order whatever it is she wants off the menu, but I was just now reading something Dr. Phil said in her post about being straight up with folks. I was straight up with her, but at the same time I wasn't going to tell her 'order anything you want, but be selective with what you order. Don't order too many drinks or expensive items'. Telling her to order what she wanted, I would think that she would have some manners and be kind of moderate about it.

Lesson learned: Stop talking just to talk and make yourself clear. Manners and moderate are subjective and cultural.

[I have been at gatherings where ordering less expensive or smaller amounts of food was interpreted as the person not having a good time and being ready to leave.]

If this is such an issue for you, find a way to respectfully convey (or politely say) "order whichever entree (singular), 2 drinks, and dessert (singular) that you want." If the "whichever entree" part scares you because some entrees are expensive, take your date to a less expensive restaurant. Look, adults need to stop acting so cautious and scary over things that may be silly in the longrun. You have more exciting things to spend your brain and time on than contemplating and reflecting on a dinner date. Get it said, get it done, and move on to more exciting things.

A smart person who has an issue with what their date is ordering would find a way to respectfully take the lead. Afterall, I would never want to date a man who could not respectfully tell me when to STOP ORDERING if he is the one paying for it. Even a "having to wash the dishes to pay for this" joke can work depending on the context.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

I did tell her to order whatever it is she wants off the menu, but I was just now reading something Dr. Phil said in her post about being straight up with folks. I was straight up with her, but at the same time I wasn't going to tell her 'order anything you want, but be selective with what you order. Don't order too many drinks or expensive items'. Telling her to order what she wanted, I would think that she would have some manners and be kind of moderate about it.

No, this is exactly where you went wrong. "Order whatever you want" - that translates as "hmmm, this dude is trying to be Mr. Big Spender and impress me. Ok baby, it's on. 42 lobsters please!!"

When you take a girl to a restaurant...it's obvious that she'll order whatever she wants. The days of a man choosing the meal with zero input from the woman are long gone. If you feel the need to state the obvious, it will get twisted.

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

I read everybody elses posts, and I agreed. I think I'm going to ask her out again, but on a less expensive outing, that way I can see where her mind is. I did tell her to order whatever it is she wants off the menu, but I was just now reading something Dr. Phil said in her post about being straight up with folks. I was straight up with her, but at the same time I wasn't going to tell her 'order anything you want, but be selective with what you order. Don't order too many drinks or expensive items'. Telling her to order what she wanted, I would think that she would have some manners and be kind of moderate about it.

What precipitated you saying "order whatever you want?" Had she asked your opinion on any of the menu items? Had she asked if you'd dined there before?

Her menu selection is one of the many unstated markers that you pay attention to, particuarly on a first date. People will usually, through their actions, show you far more than they will tell you.

Even saying "order whatever you want" should not have been taken as an invite for her to go buckwild on the menu.

[AlphaFrog]

So, if "order whatever you want" isn't an invitation to go buckwild on the menu....what is? If you were out with a girl and you were really into her and really did want her to order the lobster and $65/shot sake (ahem...Morimotos) whether it be to impress her or get her schnockered up, or because you really, truly want her to have WHATEVER SHE WANTS...what would you say?

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

So, if "order whatever you want" isn't an invitation to go buckwild on the menu....what is? If you were out with a girl and you were really into her and really did want her to order the lobster and $65/shot sake (ahem...Morimotos) whether it be to impress her or get her schnockered up, or because you really, truly want her to have WHATEVER SHE WANTS...what would you say?

This was a first date.

If I'm on a first date, nobody's invitation that I "order whatever I want" is going to supercede my own expectation that they are watching, and judging my choices and actions, just like I'm watching theirs.

As others in this thread have said, a sense of propriety, especially on a first date, might have given him a better impression of her in his mind.

How much I agree/disagree with his overall take is an open question (we only know about what he posted) but I can see why her menu action may have put some level of unsureness about her in his mind.