Her Peeps

[PEP Guy]

Originally Posted by katydidKD

OH MY GOD. Again.

Ps...mothers universally dislike you because you take the word "tool" to a whole new level

You need to come correct with the terminology. I don't know what "tool" is referring to.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by katydidKD

OH MY GOD. Again.

Ps...mothers universally dislike you because you take the word "tool" to a whole new level

lol

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by katydidKD

Hijack: What do you do when a friend comes to you really upset and wants to trash the SO? I feel like this happens a lot. They are upset, you comfort them and talk about how dumb he is and blah blah blah. Then this person comes back, and you are supposed to forget all the things they confided to you about how terrible he treated her and what not.

You can listen to them, comfort them without joining in the bashing.

BFF: He's such a jerk! He's so selfish! I can't believe I wasted my time dating him.

You: I'm sorry you're hurting so much but you need to realize that no relationship is a waste of time if you learn something from it. What did you learn from this?

Kinda like that. YOU are not actually bashing him.

I can't stand my dad's wife. While they were dating, my dad broke things off at one point because her kids are so screwed up and he was afraid he'd end up having to deal with that forever. He said to me "I don't think you ever really liked her anyway, did you?" I said "Dad, what's important to me is that you are happy." Completely evaded the question. Good thing since they've been married for 18 years now.

[preciousjeni]

I no longer believe the OP. I call troll.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I no longer believe the OP. I call troll.

5 threads and dozens of ridiculous posts later? Lol

[rhoyaltempest]

Originally Posted by PEP Guy

Seems like every sistah I've ever dated, her mom was in our mix like a bad deejay. Everything we did, everything I said, anything I wore, she had an opinion on. There were times when I was madd broke, trying to gift my girl, but her peeps always had something smart to say, always scrutinizing and devaluing me and my tokens of affection. I bought one of my girls a stuffed animal with an earring in its ear, and her moms was like, "What are you, in grade school?" When I bought one girlfriend some candy, her peeps said, "Why the fuck he buy you some Lemonheads?" Didn't matter that it was her favorite candy -my thoughtfulness didn't count. When I bought another girl Godiva chocolate, her moms convinced her it was too exotic and put it in the freezer, where she would fetch it a year later during an emotional case of the "lonelies." I asked one dad if we could have a man-to-man talk and he said "You'd better speak to my wife." I asked another father the same thing, and he looked around confused.

I expect her parents to be critical, but I don't expect them to be combative, interfering, or destructive. It's not that I'm sensitive but it's hard to pitch woo when someone is standing on the sidelines rating your efforts. The truth is, you can probably dodge and dismiss the friends. But you have to deal with her family -there's no way around it. I'd know it if there was.

Does anybody else have this problem?

OMG!!! I didn't even read all of this but you don't date sistahs anymore so your problems are solved. Have a happy relationship now....ugh.

[agzg]

What is "covering?"

[SydneyK]

Hmmm... but he is showing up as banned. And has been for at least a couple hours. ??
No worries - he'll just create another account and bless us with a reincarnated presence later.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

Hmmm... but he is showing up as banned. And has been for at least a couple hours. ??
No worries - he'll just create another account and bless us with a reincarnated presence later.

lol - I'm seeing him as banned now as well.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

Hmmm... but he is showing up as banned. And has been for at least a couple hours. ??
No worries - he'll just create another account and bless us with a reincarnated presence later.

Perhaps POOPGuy1!

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

I agree w/ most of what PB said in the post you're referencing, but stopped short of co-signing his definitive wall between intimacy (however an individual defines it) and friendship that he seemed to draw.

Completely setting aside the OP's oddness on the issue, I think most relationships start somewhere closer to "boy-sees-girl, boy-likes-girl, they date and in the process the strength of their friendship leads to the cementing of a relationship." Put another way, I don't think I've ever dated anybody who was "strictly" a friend first. My romantic, or potential romantic interest in anyone that comes to mind, was the trigger to my active pursuit/engagement. The resultling rewardinga and satisfying friendship was/is something a wise person sees along the way.

CG, I understood what you were saying about "good parents" and the covering thing, but I think even your own subsequent posts on the matter (the professional advice vs. your parents' advice on the best route through vet school) confirmed that you know there is a point at which even "good parents" advice has to be set aside in favor of better advice from elsewhere.

But, in the main, I feel what you're saying.

I agree with you, and this is an awesome, post. It’s just that I also agree with PB, because I don’t believe dating exist for mating (and intimacy doesn’t define that in all cases), as he said earlier, it exist for getting information. Kind of like a “go see.” It’s just that friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively if it comes to that. I don’t think it’s wrong if people choose to date, skipping friendship, because I’ve seen couples have a successful marriage after knowing each other for just a few months, but for most, it doesn’t always work that way. I mean, if you do date, I just think it’s important to use the time wisely to gather facts.

I see what your saying and I know friendship with an attractive woman can be difficult for a lot of men because no matter what a great guy he is, or how spiritual he is, the outside package will still be an important issue. It’s just that a significant part of a man’s makeup centers around the fact that he is moved but what he sees. So, I totally agree with you about “guy sees girl, guy likes girl,” and so on. I understand that men are moved by what they see, but I also believe a guy falls in love with a woman based on how he feels when he is with her, so friendship is very potent. It’s just that for me, I think it’s important to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. It’s like being of “like” kind. It just means that you’re compatible in many ways. You have a similar spiritual walk, you enjoy a lot of similar things. It’s just that it’s important to have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. I mean, there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, it’s just that like-minded people fare better together. After all, why do you have the friends you have? Because you share like interests and views, and when/if it comes to marriage, it’s one of the longest and most important friendships you will ever have. I agree with PB, because through a friendship, I can look at his decision making. I can also decide if he is unselfish, sensitive to the needs of others, and wise about the choices he makes, I can see what kind of friends he has, I can see what kind of relationship he has with his family, etc. and this all takes time, and time will always reveal whether or not a guy is compatible with me. Relationships, whether it’s romantic or not, are not about what any one party can get. It’s about what both parties have to give. I look for that same belief in a mate.

Tony, I see your point, and you are so right, it’s just that for me, the secret to getting the mate that I truly look for is hidden in his relationship with Christ. For me, my decisions for a mate are made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one. I know it doesn’t work that way for others, but it works that way for me.

I agree with you about good parents, it’s just that when it came to my friends/romantic relationships my parents advice has always worked in my favor. My mom doesn’t know anything about vet medicine, so I look to advice from someone who does. My mom and dad had a successful marriage, and I’ve always wanted a healthy marriage like that, which is why I looked to their advice. And through the advice that they have given me, I’m able to make wise decisions myself. Like I was saying earlier, it's smart to get advice from someone who is or has been where I'm trying to go.

For the most part, I agree with you, I mean, I agree with most if not, all of your posts.

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

lol - I'm seeing him as banned now as well.

YAY Woohoo!

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

It’s just that a significant part of a man’s makeup centers around the fact that he is moved but what he sees. So, I totally agree with you about “guy sees girl, guy likes girl,” and so on.

But the outer wrapping should only cover even more magnificent contents.

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I agree with you, and this is an awesome, post. It’s just that I also agree with PB, because I don’t believe dating exist for mating (and intimacy doesn’t define that in all cases), as he said earlier, it exist for getting information. Kind of like a “go see.” It’s just that friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively if it comes to that. I don’t think it’s wrong if people choose to date, skipping friendship, because I’ve seen couples have a successful marriage after knowing each other for just a few months, but for most, it doesn’t always work that way. I mean, if you do date, I just think it’s important to use the time wisely to gather facts.

I see what your saying and I know friendship with an attractive woman can be difficult for a lot of men because no matter what a great guy he is, or how spiritual he is, the outside package will still be an important issue. It’s just that a significant part of a man’s makeup centers around the fact that he is moved but what he sees. So, I totally agree with you about “guy sees girl, guy likes girl,” and so on. I understand that men are moved by what they see, but I also believe a guy falls in love with a woman based on how he feels when he is with her, so friendship is very potent. It’s just that for me, I think it’s important to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. It’s like being of “like” kind. It just means that you’re compatible in many ways. You have a similar spiritual walk, you enjoy a lot of similar things. It’s just that it’s important to have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. I mean, there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, it’s just that like-minded people fare better together. After all, why do you have the friends you have? Because you share like interests and views, and when/if it comes to marriage, it’s one of the longest and most important friendships you will ever have. I agree with PB, because through a friendship, I can look at his decision making. I can also decide if he is unselfish, sensitive to the needs of others, and wise about the choices he makes, I can see what kind of friends he has, I can see what kind of relationship he has with his family, etc. and this all takes time, and time will always reveal whether or not a guy is compatible with me. Relationships, whether it’s romantic or not, are not about what any one party can get. It’s about what both parties have to give. I look for that same belief in a mate.

Tony, I see your point, and you are so right, it’s just that for me, the secret to getting the mate that I truly look for is hidden in his relationship with Christ. For me, my decisions for a mate are made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one. I know it doesn’t work that way for others, but it works that way for me.

I agree with you about good parents, it’s just that when it came to my friends/romantic relationships my parents advice has always worked in my favor. My mom doesn’t know anything about vet medicine, so I look to advice from someone who does. My mom and dad had a successful marriage, and I’ve always wanted a healthy marriage like that, which is why I looked to their advice. And through the advice that they have given me, I’m able to make wise decisions myself. Like I was saying earlier, it's smart to get advice from someone who is or has been where I'm trying to go.

For the most part, I agree with you, I mean, I agree with most if not, all of your posts.


YAY Woohoo!

Actually, I think we're fairly similar in our thinking; it's just a matter of degree or maybe some terminology. "courtship" and "go sees" are just terms that are too constricting for me. (...otherwise, you've articulated most of my thoughts better and in more detail that I did.)

Obviously, a physical attraction is the first thing any of us sees (or not sees) about another person, but for me their compatibility factors (faith, personality, emotional depth, ability to have fun) all have to come to the fore pretty quickly (while we're dating/courting/go seeing ) if it would be anything more than a friendship.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Actually, I think we're fairly similar in our thinking; it's just a matter of degree or maybe some terminology. "courtship" and "go sees" are just terms that are too constricting for me. (...otherwise, you've articulated most of my thoughts better and in more detail that I did.)

Obviously, a physical attraction is the first thing any of us sees (or not sees) about another person, but for me their compatibility factors (faith, personality, emotional depth, ability to have fun) all have to come to the fore pretty quickly (while we're dating/courting/go seeing ) if it would be anything more than a friendship.

Yep. I totally agree (he's gotta be a hottie, too.). More importantly, what's important to locate is not the person who "looks" like the person of our dreams, but the person who embodies the things we need in order to have a lasting and fulfilling relationship. The truth of the matter is that love responds to love, and sometimes you will be amazed to discover what love "looks" like.

When I was in school, sometimes some of my friends and I would talk about topics like this one, and everyone would just look at me like... "". I dunno, it's just that I won't select a mate the way a lot (most) people do (which is why I was single for so long ). It's just that my selection process has to be different because my purpose for a relationship is different. I mean, I just think that if you (in general) don't know your purpose, you won't recognize the right partner.

eta: I guess my dating terminology can be kind of weird at times. Sometimes I just can't find the right words.

[Drolefille]

Hey guys, it's good you agree on things and all but it's still weird when you talk to each other and about each other as if you're not together.