» GC Stats |
Members: 329,741
Threads: 115,668
Posts: 2,205,113
|
Welcome to our newest member, M0rga010 |
|
 |

08-06-2011, 07:47 PM
|
GreekChat Member
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Home.
Posts: 8,261
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by PEP Guy
Seems like every sistah I've ever dated, her mom was in our mix like a bad deejay. Everything we did, everything I said, anything I wore, she had an opinion on. There were times when I was madd broke, trying to gift my girl, but her peeps always had something smart to say, always scrutinizing and devaluing me and my tokens of affection. I bought one of my girls a stuffed animal with an earring in its ear, and her moms was like, "What are you, in grade school?" When I bought one girlfriend some candy, her peeps said, "Why the fuck he buy you some Lemonheads?" Didn't matter that it was her favorite candy -my thoughtfulness didn't count. When I bought another girl Godiva chocolate, her moms convinced her it was too exotic and put it in the freezer, where she would fetch it a year later during an emotional case of the "lonelies." I asked one dad if we could have a man-to-man talk and he said "You'd better speak to my wife." I asked another father the same thing, and he looked around confused.
I expect her parents to be critical, but I don't expect them to be combative, interfering, or destructive. It's not that I'm sensitive but it's hard to pitch woo when someone is standing on the sidelines rating your efforts. The truth is, you can probably dodge and dismiss the friends. But you have to deal with her family -there's no way around it. I'd know it if there was.
Does anybody else have this problem?
|
Are these women young? They seem very impressionable, and it also sounds like they love the drama and the mess.
My parents have historically stayed out of my relationships--except once when they felt my college sweetheart wasn't going to be a good provider. They said their piece and kept it moving.
My mom, however, gave me some good advice: NEVER talk stink about your friend's significant other. If you suspect abuse or infidelity, you can share your concern, but never criticize the boyfriend/girlfriend. If they break up, you still don't say anything--support your friend, but don't dog out the ex because you never know if he's going to be back! (Other than that one issue, my parents won't say anything bad about my ex-boyfriends.)
I'd say now that I have 4 friends, whom I've had for 12 years or longer, whom I could trust to say something about a boyfriend. The irony of that, however, is that they're such good friends that they probably WOULD NOT criticize. The rest of them don't have that privilege with me. One friend was very critical about my boyfriend at the time; it wasn't about any real issue--he just didn't like that my ex didn't want to go out drinking with our group. I told him that it wasn't his place to say anything about my boyfriend--and cut him off. I didn't speak to him for a while after that because I felt like my relationship came first and I was going to defend my boyfriend. Another friend said some pretty bad things about my ex a few weeks ago--I told this one, again, that it wasn't his place to say anything. Both of these friends were more upset that I wasn't out at the bars with them anymore than they were concerned that my boyfriend was a bad match.
It's important to find a woman whose boundaries are strong enough that she's not bending to every thing her friends or parents say.
Last edited by Munchkin03; 08-06-2011 at 07:58 PM.
|

08-09-2011, 11:17 AM
|
GreekChat Member
|
|
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 487
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkin03
My mom, however, gave me some good advice: NEVER talk stink about your friend's significant other. If you suspect abuse or infidelity, you can share your concern, but never criticize the boyfriend/girlfriend. If they break up, you still don't say anything--support your friend, but don't dog out the ex because you never know if he's going to be back! (Other than that one issue, my parents won't say anything bad about my ex-boyfriends.)
.
|
Hijack: What do you do when a friend comes to you really upset and wants to trash the SO? I feel like this happens a lot. They are upset, you comfort them and talk about how dumb he is and blah blah blah. Then this person comes back, and you are supposed to forget all the things they confided to you about how terrible he treated her and what not.
__________________
ΚΔ
ever loyal
|

08-10-2011, 03:10 AM
|
GreekChat Member
|
|
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,324
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkin03
Are these women young? They seem very impressionable, and it also sounds like they love the drama and the mess.
My parents have historically stayed out of my relationships--except once when they felt my college sweetheart wasn't going to be a good provider. They said their piece and kept it moving.
My mom, however, gave me some good advice: NEVER talk stink about your friend's significant other. If you suspect abuse or infidelity, you can share your concern, but never criticize the boyfriend/girlfriend. If they break up, you still don't say anything--support your friend, but don't dog out the ex because you never know if he's going to be back! (Other than that one issue, my parents won't say anything bad about my ex-boyfriends.)
I'd say now that I have 4 friends, whom I've had for 12 years or longer, whom I could trust to say something about a boyfriend. The irony of that, however, is that they're such good friends that they probably WOULD NOT criticize. The rest of them don't have that privilege with me. One friend was very critical about my boyfriend at the time; it wasn't about any real issue--he just didn't like that my ex didn't want to go out drinking with our group. I told him that it wasn't his place to say anything about my boyfriend--and cut him off. I didn't speak to him for a while after that because I felt like my relationship came first and I was going to defend my boyfriend. Another friend said some pretty bad things about my ex a few weeks ago--I told this one, again, that it wasn't his place to say anything. Both of these friends were more upset that I wasn't out at the bars with them anymore than they were concerned that my boyfriend was a bad match.
It's important to find a woman whose boundaries are strong enough that she's not bending to every thing her friends or parents say.
|
OMG! Why are you seriously answering this dude? You should've stopped at lemonheads. LOL!
__________________
ΣΓΡ
"True Beauties Wear 10 Pearls and 2 Rubies"
|

08-10-2011, 05:05 PM
|
GreekChat Member
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Home.
Posts: 8,261
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhoyaltempest
OMG! Why are you seriously answering this dude? You should've stopped at lemonheads. LOL!
|
To his credit, it was a fair question--and there has been some legitimate discussion about it. Some women let their families and friends say too much about their romantic relationships.
|
 |
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
|