Nice guys finish last.... - Page 2

KillarneyRose · #16 11-13-2001, 01:15 PM

From bits and pieces I've heard, my dear hubby was a bigtime "player" before I met him. Guess girls love the proverbial man in uniform. Anyhoo, fate turned around and bit him on the butt because here he is stuck with ME as his mate for life! Oh, cruel, cruel fate!

BTW, he is going to be the daddy from hell when our daughters start dating. He is very, very protective. I was joking around with him recently and said "well, you know, all those girls you dated in college; they had daddies too!" He turned white. Haha, payback's a bitch!

PKTSU01 · #17 11-13-2001, 01:21 PM

Take Ferris Buller's point on this. Which is , oddly enough, true. The reason the nice guys get walked on and the pricks get the girls is that no girl will ever respect someone who is nice to a fault. How can you respect someone who kisses your ass? It's simple, you don't. I had fun time dealing with this in high school, then realized when i got to college that women who go after the a$$holes are either a) blantantly dumb (and there are quite a few) or b) need a little drama in their life so that they have something to talk about with sisters at 3 a.m. after he embarrasses her by kissing someone else at a bar. Women who have figured out how to eliminate dumbasses while maintaining self dignity get much props from me. The go for the jerk syndrome is in effect in real life as well, which is why I don't buy the whole"nice guys finish first" thing. How many nice guys do you think make it to be a corporate CEO or something like that. The answer is most likely zero, cause the nice guys are the ones who are diligent in their work so that people will be happy with them, not the guys who are ballsy and a$$hole enough to risk everything so that they can have everything. Just some food for thought for ya.

lifesaver · #18 11-13-2001, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by alphachiohmy
I am just curious as to if your "guest" is the "filly" you are trying to nab? Do you still talk to your guest? Is she friends with the filly?

BUSTED. Yep the Guest is the filly. One in the same. The only time I hear she is interested in me is through her friends. When she sees me its like, "oh hey." Thats whats got me thinking I need to be a jerk or something. I know shes interested but being a freshman shes trying to play "the game" Being a Senior I am not really interested in it. But being a jerk seems to work for my brothers so I was thinking.... (I dont want yall to think I am head over heels, just interested and it got me thinking about the issue as a whole, and how chicks seem to dig jerks.)

ZTAngel · #19 11-13-2001, 02:58 PM

She might actually be very interested. I use to do the "oh hey" thing also. I did it because I would watch my friends and sisters practically throw themselves at a guy or be all flirty. In the end, it never worked out in their favor. So, I tried a different approach that seemed to work, I didn't want to look too eager so I would just act cool and calm when I saw a guy I was interested in. Next time you see her, if it's close to lunch time and you're on campus, be like, "Hey, you wanna grap something to eat at the student union." That way, it's not a date but you guys can talk and see what happens. I hope it works out! Keep us posted! And, please please please, do not turn into a jerk. We already have enough of the player guys in the world. We need more nice guys like you.

James · #20 11-14-2001, 02:17 AM

My first reaction was to answer toungue in cheeck, seriously but satirically. It would have started something like: You need to stop acting like a whipped little bitch . .

But I realized that many of the viewers here can't filter satire for its underlying reality. They can't get past the invective to the words of truth. Which is ok, cause it means I'll make more money in the real world

.

So here is a more serious reply

.

Girls don't like assholes per se. They like excitement.

They like strong personalities, or intensity. We all do. Moths to flame right?

Assholes the way I believe we are using the term means: Someone with a strong personality that will just walk up to a girl and ask her out. They are usually flirty and agressive, and will walk right up to someone when many nice guys won't. And then will say the right things to keep the girl interested even if they don't always mean it. And a lot of times we also seem to mean that they don't do the little nice things we all learned from old movies as a kid.

A secondary definition of asshole is: People that don't do what we want them to do.

That is actually the definition a lot of girls are applying to their boys, and of course when they are relating a problem they make the guy seem like the biggest dick . . .

Well continuing . . .

There are also two basic kinds of nice guys:

1. "That guy" the nice guy cause he is secretly afraid of not being nice. ITs his strategy for being liked. This is the most common type of nice guy, and the one that gets dumped on, and the one the girls described as annoying.

2. The "ethically nice" guy. This is the most rare. He does The Right Thing because its the right thing. Not because he is afraid you won't like him or he is overly worried what you think. He'll treat you like a princess and at the same time will not put up with your shit.

OH there is more but have to run . . . . To be continued . . .

valkyrie · #21 11-14-2001, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James

There are also two basic kinds of nice guys:

1. "That guy" the nice guy cause he is secretly afraid of not being nice. ITs his strategy for being liked. This is the most common type of nice guy, and the one that gets dumped on, and the one the girls described as annoying.

2. The "ethically nice" guy. This is the most rare. He does The Right Thing because its the right thing. Not because he is afraid you won't like him or he is overly worried what you think. He'll treat you like a princess and at the same time will not put up with your shit.

James, that is brilliant! The "ethically nice" guy is the one we want, and boy are we lucky when we find him!

ErikaXO · #22 11-14-2001, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
From bits and pieces I've heard, my dear hubby was a bigtime "player" before I met him. Guess girls love the proverbial man in uniform. Anyhoo, fate turned around and bit him on the butt because here he is stuck with ME as his mate for life! Oh, cruel, cruel fate!

BTW, he is going to be the daddy from hell when our daughters start dating. He is very, very protective. I was joking around with him recently and said "well, you know, all those girls you dated in college; they had daddies too!" He turned white. Haha, payback's a bitch!

That is TOTALLY my brother in law. He finally settled down with Ms. Right (and he made an excellent choice, I might add) but he still needs a little more payback. He has just become the father of a new son (oh no another one like him!!!) but I say he desperately needs to have a daughter.....a really great looking daughter, who is sexually precocious and has really big ta-tas!!!!!

My husband wasn't a player but he hung out with a lot of them. He thinks that all the typical male things like one-night-stands, tagging those younger girls, strip bars and thongs are really great. Or at least he did until he had a little girl. Unfortunately Paige's future dating life is already completely nuked by the fact that her dad teaches at what will be her high school. There is no boy in the entire school system who will have the nuts to ask her out. She's going to have to turn to her player cousin to hook her up with some of his boys!!!!!!!! On the flip side, as a reformed tigress myself, I am already extremely protective of my sweet little boy, who is going to be such a little stud. I can just see it the first time some horny little twelve year old girl calls him up!!!!!!

alphachiohmy · #23 11-14-2001, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lifesaver

BUSTED. Yep the Guest is the filly. One in the same. The only time I hear she is interested in me is through her friends. When she sees me its like, "oh hey." Thats whats got me thinking I need to be a jerk or something. I know shes interested but being a freshman shes trying to play "the game" Being a Senior I am not really interested in it. But being a jerk seems to work for my brothers so I was thinking.... (I dont want yall to think I am head over heels, just interested and it got me thinking about the issue as a whole, and how chicks seem to dig jerks.)

Just another thought: as a freshman as a houseguest, maybe she doesn't want to come across as a lovesick, starry eyed girl after what you two have been through - so maybe shes playing it cool not wanting to scare you off. I guess when I was a freshmen I learned real quickly the difference between dating and a one-night thing, so maybe shes just being cautious and doesn't want to get her hopes up.

My freshman year, I didn't want to play the game but got into some bad habits. On the other side, I met two guys that I dated and dating them was much more rewarding than one-night game playing.

I really don't know the whole situation, but just wanted to bring up something else to think about.

greeklawgirl · #24 11-14-2001, 01:51 PM

James,

After reading your post, I called my ethically-nice husband to tell him again how much I love him and how lucky I am to have someone like him as a soulmate.

Thank you for reminding me of that, although that was probably not your intention!

M.

James · #25 11-14-2001, 03:10 PM

Ok to folow up:

If you are the weaker nice guy, and most guys that are in this category don't know it, stop being an unconditional pleaser.

There all kinds of books and web sites dedicated to the art of flirting. Which is definitely an art. If you can flirt and make a girl laugh that you barely know, you are ten miles ahead of the game. LEarn to flirt well.

You don't have to be an asshole, you just have to come across as a dating prospect. As ZTAngel said, maintain a certain aura of . . . something. It can be a positive aura

People are the way they are, bemoaning fate doesn't change it. Personality is very changeable, its a method of comminication we develop at the earliest ages to get the world to like us. However, it is still just a method of cumminication, so if it isn't always getting you what you think you need, then work on it and change it a bit.

PKTSU01 is right in his analysis, many women seem to want a relationship to fulfill them on multiple levels. One of those levels is drama or excitement. If you know this you can create little things for good drama and spare yourself fights for the sake of excitement(conflict) and make-up sex (redemption). If they aren't already stuck in that pattern.

As far as the little filly you mentioned, well did you ever think she might feel a little rejected? I mean its a pretty positive indicator of like to have a girl on your couch in various states of being disrobed ask you "want to try sex?". If you need a sign clearer than that you need to be hit in the face with a bat.

That also assumes she didn't come out of the blue with the comment and that you had gotten her thinking about that moment. Meaning you went pretty far with her sexually, like say third base. For those of you that are baseball/sex metaphor handicapped, that means the boy went south of the belly button.

As far as her playing hard to get now, or playing it cool, most people I know that are doing that are really having self esteem/self image issues.

Hasn't there ever been a time of day that you weren't feeling good about yourself, the way you look or feel? You don't really want to have a prolonged encounter with someone you are crushing on at those times. Most of the time people blow by us it has nothing to do with us, its something going wierd in their head.

And as for her, well she made an adult decision as an adult, and you sent her packing naked from your couch like a school girl you suddenly realized was under age. And you didn't have some committed relationship going where you could give her the "I want to definitely wait for something corny before we do it" line. She's not a mind reader and will likely read more into your words than you intended.

It sounds you are thinking more than you are acting. A simple way to find out if she is still interesting is to pick up the phone, dial 7-digits, and ask her to go get some dinner with you. Boyfriend girlfriend stuff.

I'm rambling because I am hungry so that is enough from me

.

lifesaver · #26 11-14-2001, 07:43 PM

Damn James! Gave me the stern talkin to like I needed. Geez. But I am glad you said what you did. Gave me fodder to ponder. I like what you had to say. Good stuff. The best info in a while and I like the simplicity of It sounds you are thinking more than you are acting. A simple way to find out if she is still interesting is to pick up the phone, dial 7-digits, and ask her to go get some dinner with you. Boyfriend girlfriend stuff. True dat.

If you need a sign clearer than that you need to be hit in the face with a bat. HAHAHAH. OK I got it. I got it.

I just havnet dated a lot because I was always so focused on school, house stuff and work, now that I am about to graduate, I am finding I have time for myself andthe things I never had time for before. I know what I want and go for it, I just am not used to playing the games thats all. I am learning, so ya gotta cut me some slack. But seriously, thanks for the info. I am meditating on it.

We hung out on Sunday night and have made plans for dinner tomorrow night. I'll keep everyone advised. Again, please keep up with the suggestions and comments.

KABillyMac · #27 11-15-2001, 12:13 AM

Life, man, you know as well as I do why us gentleman wind up bringing up the rear. Its the damn asthetic qualities of some of these pansy ass boys that women drool over, loose their sense of whats right and wrong, and go for the short term pleasure of these guys.

But when they are 22, graduating, and not hanging out with their sisters anymore and pretty boys and football players arent trying to get in their pants 24-7, that when its our turn to play.........

Take comfort in this brother. You and I drive 4 wheel drive trucks. Most of those other guys drive pansy ass cars. Nuff said right there. We can drive through mudholes while our ex's and their new asthetically pleasing 1 night boyfriends are stuck up to the axles and trying to find a towtruck. It snows here, so oh how i delight in driving around in a foot of snow looking for my ex's new men just to see em stuck in the house drinking cafe lattes.

Its the simple things in life that i derive such pleasure from.

SigmaChiCard · #28 11-15-2001, 08:35 AM

Quote:

It snows here, so oh how i delight in driving around in a foot of snow looking for my ex's new men just to see em stuck in the house drinking cafe lattes.

You actually do that? LOL j/k

KABillyMac · #29 11-15-2001, 02:39 PM

No, but if I ever saw either of my ex's stuck in a snow bank with their new men i would probably stop and help em like the moron that I am.

shadokat · #30 11-15-2001, 03:18 PM

Hey lifesaver---

Quit thinking and act! Call the girl, take her out, try out the filly. Damn, if you all stop thinking so much, you might find she actually likes ya! And for the love of pete...don't do the "her friend said she likes me!"

But seriously, go for it and just date her. You'll know if she likes you or not after a couple dates