to drop or not to drop :/

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Only you can decide whether or not to drop, but understand that dropping likely means the end of Greek Life for you.

Yep.

Also be sure that you're not looking at the other sorority that you preffed second and thinking "I would be so much happier there and this feeling of disconnect wouldn't be happening." Might that be true? Yes. Might it be false? Yes. But if you keep thinking "what might have been" you'll always be miserable where you are.

Really good bonds rarely form overnight. Hang in there until next semester when homecoming etc is over and things are a little less insane.

[AOII Angel]

Just remember that it will take more than a month to develop a relationship with these women. You say they are wonderful people, so are they worth your time to get to know them? When there are 50 new women to meet, sometimes a few fall through the cracks. Keep up the effort, and eventually, you'll get to know them. Not everyone bonds immediately with their chapter. I didn't immediately, but I was lucky to have my bio sister in the chapter. Lean on your Big Sis...meet her friends and get to know some of the older sisters. They may be the people that you are meant to bond with. I can honestly say that I didn't really bond with anyone strongly until the classes behind me.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by letssingit

Has anyone else on here been in the position of thinking about dropping/depledging their sorority? I'm about 3 weeks from initiation, and I've started to think long and hard about whether or not I should go through with initiating. A bit of background info:
I went through rush as a sophomore at a competitive school. When it came time to rank on pref night, I agonized over the decision between 1 and 2, because I liked them both. In the end I went with chapter XYZ, and was lucky enough to recieve a bid the next day. I was so excited on bid day, having wanted to be Greek my entire freshman year and loving (so I thought) the house I had gotten into. However, it's gone downhill from there. I'm really just not bonding with the girls in my chapter. Don't get me wrong, they're all sweet, wonderful girls, but something just isn't clicking. The girls I had talked to and liked during rush are never around, and when I do see them it's just a quick hi before they go about their day. I'm a little over a month into pledging and I still feel like I'm making small talk every time I go to an event. I've read a lot of threads about this on Greekchat where girls just don't seem to be trying, but I feel like I really am. I go to every meal at the house, chapter, philanthropy, invitation out, etc that I possibly can (unless I have a test or something), always go into the house with a smile on my face and talk to whoever's around, and have invited girls to do things. At this point my pledge class is super close and everyone's in their group, and I'm left feeling left out and not entirely sure what I'm doing wrong. I'm terrified that I made the wrong decision on pref night or somewhere else during rush, and would have fit better in another house. However, I'm realistic about my chances during rush next year as a junior who's a drop liability, even if I have friends in a couple of houses pulling for me. I'm just not sure what to do at this point. I still would love to be in a sorority, as I love all of the ritual of it: the philanthropies and announcing and chapters and opportunities, and I would die for the amazing bond that so many girls have with their sisters, but I don't want it at the price of feeling left out and disconnected everytime I walk into the house. I'm left with a choice: should I drop now, and risk never being Greek? or should I stick it out, and hope that things eventually get better? I know that you guys probably can't do much for me without knowing the situation personally, but I'm the first in my family to go Greek and none of my friends are having this problem with their chapters, so I'm just not sure where else to turn :/
If anyone has any sort of advice, it'd be much appreciated

It may sound trite, but put in an effort to "love the one you're with". You may be going through the motions, but you have this mindset that you're "left out". You'd be surprised at how much your thoughts can actually create or affect your environment. If the smile you're putting on your face is fake, everything else about you will contradict it.

Obviously, this chapter was 1 of your top 2 picks for some reasons. Find those things that inspire you, that you love about the girls and the chapter. Find your passion in the chapter. There are likely so many opportunities for involvement and personal satisfaction. Sometimes, they aren't so obvious.

Good luck with your decision. Some may say that it's a very luxurious problem to have - in other words, many girls didn't get their 2nd choice, or perhaps any choice. You longed to be Greek, and this is probably your last shot. If you really don't think you belong, then make the decision. Unfortunately, there isn't much advice we can give to help you make it.

[KSUViolet06]

More threads about people in similar situations (feeling like they're not bonding or fitting in):

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=112091

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...light=sorority

[barbino]

I'm going to mention something no one else here has - the concept of your sorority as a whole entity, not just your own individual chapter. Sure, you want to fit in and feel that you need to fit into your own chapter now. As others have mentioned, this will most likely come with more time. Bonding with anyone does not happen overnight. It takes awhile to get to know anyone, sisters included. Shared experiences turn into recognition of each other as friends.

But consider your sorority as a large national/international organization. Think about why you chose it as one of your personal favorites, and give yourself a chance to feel included as one of its many members. This is why so many sorority members find the alumnae phase the most rewarding of all. You will not always get along with all of your pledge sisters, and you may find that things don't always go well once you initiate. But if you can find in your heart identification with your own sorority as special organization, then you will find a lifetime of rewarding membership.

[DrPhil]

You definitely need to drop before this sorority wastes initiation, ritual, and sisterhood on you.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

You definitely need to drop before this sorority wastes initiation, ritual, and sisterhood on you.

That is unnecessary. New members can be confused, feel overwhelmed, and IMO aren't expected to "get it" before initiation. Her chapter likely wouldn't agree with that "advice".

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

That is unnecessary. New members can be confused, feel overwhelmed, and IMO aren't expected to "get it" before initiation. Her chapter likely wouldn't agree with that "advice".

Then she should've spoken to her chapter instead of coming here. It is sad when GCers have to advise someone to stick it out.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Then she should've spoken to her chapter instead of coming here. It is sad when GCers have to advise someone to stick it out.

Regardless, telling new members to drop just because they have come here for help is not something chapters would appreciate, IMO.

ETA: As an active I never felt that a new member who was considering dropping because they felt overwhelmed and left out should leave. It happens, and they aren't expected to understand the implications of sisterhood and lifetime commitment fully before initiation, especially since they are not privy to ritual. I know I certainly didn't feel much connection to the concept of "the bonds of sisterhood" or my organization beyond my chapter until I was initiated and had participated in ritual. That was what made me understand.

[barbino]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

That is unnecessary. New members can be confused, feel overwhelmed, and IMO aren't expected to "get it" before initiation. Her chapter likely wouldn't agree with that "advice".

Ditto on this.

[ellebud]

You should have seen the lavender suede boots with cut outs that she bought back then: $125 at Bullocks Wilshire. Add a zero and that would be the cost today...plus a few hundred more. Lordy, how I coveted those boots.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by ellebud

You should have seen the lavender suede boots with cut outs that she bought back then: $125 at Bullocks Wilshire. Add a zero and that would be the cost today...plus a few hundred more. Lordy, how I coveted those boots.

I would have, too. I could do some major damage with $500 a month.

Originally Posted by letssingit

Thank you everyone for your advice

In response to DrPhil: The reason I came to GC for advice isn't to try and disrespect the girls in my house, but because it's hard to go up to girls I don't know well and who love their chapter to talk about something like this. I'm just feeling really overwhelmed and didn't know where else to turn.

But everyone has given some really great advice that I'm definitely going to take

Good luck. Just think everything through and explore all of your options for support. You'll find someone else who does feel the same or has at some point, I guarantee it.

[nittanygirl]

$500 a month?

I could have definitely helped her out. I really need some new clothes.
I've reached that point where my style is starting to sophisticate a bit lol and now I have not much I want to wear.

ETA: and I would only maybe spend $100 of that on the clothes. I would promise to spend the rest completely responsibly (food, utilities, money towards school, dues, etc)

[letssingit]

Thank you everyone for your advice

In response to DrPhil: The reason I came to GC for advice isn't to try and disrespect the girls in my house, but because it's hard to go up to girls I don't know well and who love their chapter to talk about something like this. I'm just feeling really overwhelmed and didn't know where else to turn.

But everyone has given some really great advice that I'm definitely going to take

[ellebud]

As I recall she didn't need any assistance in spending her clothing allowence. And no, she didn't spend it "responsibly". She spent it with abandon.

letsingit: Good luck!