Daughter had unhappy High School experience, should she not mention this during Rush?

[agzg]

She should probably not mention it. However, I think that if she's seeing greek life as the solution to her problems, she may have a problem. Greek life can do a lot of things for its members, but it cannot fundamentally change a person's personality.

Keep getting recs and good luck to her.

[33girl]

She has a whole summer (or, well, a month & 1/2 anyway) to NOT BE HER HIGH SCHOOL SELF ANYMORE. I still remember an old ad in a magazine from the summer before I went to college that said "today you get a fresh slate. Make the most of it."

From the sound of it, she's not going to a college with a lot of her old HS classmates so no one's going to know if she was the most popular person or the geekiest. Believe me, as far as who she dated etc, sorority members are going to look at that as...well, high school.

She (and you) need to stop seeing her as a "shy person." It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

I'll reiterate what everyone else has says: The Greek Life office HAS to tell you that recs aren't necessary.
If you want to give your daughter a little more of an edge, especially because she is shy, you may want to reconsider and get more recs.

Now slight thread derail: If all the Panhellenics and Greek Life offices say "Recs aren't necessary", and then girls are released from recruitment from houses they don't have recs to - how many irate phone calls do those offices receive from angry moms?

There's no way to know WHY they were released. And if the number of students w/o recs ever actually hit a majority, then the chapters would end up adjusting their invite lists accordingly.

[Alumiyum]

Personally, I doubt high school will come up. But if it does, there's a way to change the subject and sound positive without lying...like "I feel like I learned a lot from high school and I'm hoping to learn even more in college!" I had a horrible high school experience socially but I never remember it coming up...even as a freshman new member, honestly. High school is over for her now, remember that.

Also, remember a sorority isn't going to make her outgoing. She has to make herself outgoing. If she joins a chapter it will certainly be helpful to have an automatic group of friends and social activities, but she's going to have to leave her comfort zone. I sympathize because I was the same way, but she needs to start getting the right perspective NOW...my mom always told me to be nice, polite, and friendly to everyone and if they don't respond in kind, that's their problem. It's cliche, but it's so true.

[Pirouette]

Never bring-up anything negative about yourself during recruitment.
Shy is not a bad thing, but if your daughter wants to stand-out, she will need to at least good at making conversation. Sorority girls wont remember a girl just because she's pretty, we remember girls because we had a great conversation with them. Practice small talk, a lot.
And your daughter seems to have been very involved in high school. Volunteer work, activities/sports, and still making good grades is something to bring-up.
I didn't date a lot and I really did not "party" in high school. But that didn't stop me from getting a bid to a wonderful organization (that was considered a "top" sorority at my school when I went through recruitment).
Good luck to your daughter!

[im5am]

We both have read through the threads but "MOMMY" is asking the question because we got in an argument about it before she left for her camp job and I thought if I posted my question, I would have enough replies reiterating what I had stated to her and be able to show it to her when she gets home ! I'm not telling her to be anything but herself, but then again 17 year olds sometimes think they know it all and will take advice from people other than their parents, so these responses are much appreciated ;-) And as far as recs, I'll tell her to go ahead and accept them from the people who have offered. Also, I wouldn't say she was "painfully shy", just not as extroverted as others. When engaged, she is quite eloquent and charming. She just never felt comfortable with the hard partying, grind dancing kids in High School, who happen to be the "Popular kids" so she focused more on studies, community service etc..She is looking forward to surrounding herself with more mature goal orientated people in college. That is one of the reasons she is going though recruitment...If she finds it's not for her, she doesn't have to pledge! I've warned her how stressful it will be and probably pretty petty at times too but she said she is excited to go through and try to find a fit and if not, then on a campus with over 40,000 students she'll find her niche somewhere!

[KSUViolet06]

Also, not every sorority member is a "hard partier."

Even in chapters where there many women who like to parrty, there are some girls who don't care for it as much.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by im5am

We both have read through the threads but "MOMMY" is asking the question because we got in an argument about it before she left for her camp job and I thought if I posted my question, I would have enough replies reiterating what I had stated to her and be able to show it to her when she gets home ! I'm not telling her to be anything but herself, but then again 17 year olds sometimes think they know it all and will take advice from people other than their parents, so these responses are much appreciated ;-) And as far as recs, I'll tell her to go ahead and accept them from the people who have offered. Also, I wouldn't say she was "painfully shy", just not as extroverted as others. When engaged, she is quite eloquent and charming. She just never felt comfortable with the hard partying, grind dancing kids in High School, who happen to be the "Popular kids" so she focused more on studies, community service etc..She is looking forward to surrounding herself with more mature goal orientated people in college. That is one of the reasons she is going though recruitment...If she finds it's not for her, she doesn't have to pledge! I've warned her how stressful it will be and probably pretty petty at times too but she said she is excited to go through and try to find a fit and if not, then on a campus with over 40,000 students she'll find her niche somewhere!

I doubt the sororities will care whether or not she was into grinding or partying in high school (in fact on some campuses girls who partied hard in high school can sometimes have a harder time during recruitment because it is assumed that they'll continue to be out of control in college and therefore be a constant attendee at standards meetings). Her resume sounds impressive and as long as she can suck it up and make small talk (and like I said I personally can sympathize with people who hate it because I REALLY do, but it's a great skill to learn for networking purposes in the "real world"). It would be a good idea for her to start practicing now, even if it's just with you. It sounds silly, and I fought my mom tooth and nail when she wanted me to do that, but I should've listened. I would've been much less nervous.

[agzg]

This is a complete hijack, but why do people refer to themselves as "MOM" or "MOMMY" in all caps like that?

Every time live-in's mom contacts me and mentions herself, or mentions herself in relation to him, she says stuff like "oh no not his MOM" or "His MOM can do it" or whatever.

I personally find it quite annoying as I don't refer to myself as "GIRLFRIEND" or "AGZG*" in text.

*Not real name.

[annabella]

I can't for the life of me understand why a meager high school social life would come up during your daughter's recruitment, unless she was already acquainted with the girls—in which case they would know she was shy.

If you only have a few minutes to make an impression on a stranger, why would she want to focus on the negative? Basic social skills.

[AnchorAlumna]

Listen, I hated high school, was shy and awkward and was afraid of everything and everybody. I decided to push myself in college and therefore went out for recruitment.

And guess what - there are PLENTY of people who were the same way in high school. Yes, in the sororities! She may find a few sorority members who are into hard partying, but she will find just as many or more who are serious about school...but not all the time! That's the beauty of it - there's usually a range of experiences within one group. And young people change so much over that 4 years.

She will get only a few questions about high school, and most will be related to her activities, which don't have to be school activities. The good thing about recruitment is that she doesn't really have to do that much talking...but she should give more than "yes" or "no" answers. Talk about the things she enjoys or is interested in. She can make a mental list of questions to ask or topics to bring up if there's a lull. Even the sorority girls go blank while talking.

And get those recs!

[fantASTic]

Why can't she just be tactful and say something like, "I really enjoyed my extracurriculars and volunteering, which is a big reason why I want to get involved in a sorority" if they ask how she liked high school?

[im5am]

to agzg: I used all caps in "MOMMY" in answer to Barbies Rush. Didn't quite get the insinuation from her post so it was my reply to her. For a forum that's supposed to be helpful and informative, I don't understand why some members post answers that can be demeaning and insulting. Some of us are new to this site (personally found it from college confidential which I found very useful 2 years ago when my son was going off to college) If new members ask or say the wrong thing, I believe there are nicer ways of informing them. We all started off somewhere!! To those who have posted your advice, thank you very much... gonna show it to my daughter now :-)

[KSUViolet06]

Meh. I don't see where anyone has been anything less than helpful here...

[agzg]

Originally Posted by im5am

to agzg: I used all caps in "MOMMY" in answer to Barbies Rush. Didn't quite get the insinuation from her post so it was my reply to her. For a forum that's supposed to be helpful and informative, I don't understand why some members post answers that can be demeaning and insulting. Some of us are new to this site (personally found it from college confidential which I found very useful 2 years ago when my son was going off to college) If new members ask or say the wrong thing, I believe there are nicer ways of informing them. We all started off somewhere!! To those who have posted your advice, thank you very much... gonna show it to my daughter now :-)

A. I have no idea why you're so defensive towards me for a hijack. I thought it might be a "thing" which I obviously don't get. I answered your question, and politely to boot.

B. I don't understand why people automatically assume that the point of the forum is to be helpful and informative. Sure, we are helpful and informative much of the time, however, I did not check a box that said "I will never post anything snarky or turn off a new member to the forum or a potential new member and I will ALWAYS be helpful and informative" when I registered my username.

C. There's a huge stigma against helicopter mommies on this board, because we've been burned before by helicopter parents who just don't know when to STFU. Obviously, we'd rather deal with a PNM directly than with a parent.