I Need Help!

[ree-Xi]

So...why DO you want to be in a sorority? Other than you want to change the type of bars you go to, the clothes you wear, and the type of guys you would like to date? You don't need to join a sorority to do that.

So...if someone were to ask you why you want to go through recruitment, what would you say?

And as far as the column you wrote...was this a commentary or a news article? What was your argument? Was it full of judgments and stereotypes?

And for the record, I held several officer positions on the school newspaper. Sorority women come from all different backgrounds, and have many different tastes. You are only focusing on what's different, versus finding commonalities.

I'm starting to wonder if this is for real...

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

I'm starting to wonder if this is for real...

Every post reads like a different cliche - from a "Dear Abby" letter, to any after school special or "Mean Girls" type movie where the girl from the "other side of the cafeteria" tires to change who she is to fit in somewhere while facing dissent from her previous group, to any crappy stereotypical sorority movie made.

Every post is practically an episode in and of itself, where the OP creates a dilemma, describes her experience, then how she has resolved the issue. Nope, still not buying it.

[JuliaNJ]

Hey there everyone. I just wanted to give an update to what happened to me this semester.

So, I ended up hanging out with girls who are in Gamma Phi Beta through a few classes. They were all really nice and sweet and cool. I'm going to pledge next semester. I was told by one of the members that it might be hard for me to get accepted, since I'm a junior, and also because I wrote that article a few years ago. I know it might be tough but I really want to pledge.

Most of my "friends" have been awful about this decision. There are a few who understand why I'm doing this, but I've been pretty much ostracized with who I've hung out with most of college so far. They hate who I'm hanging out with now. So, my mentality is to screw them.

I had some big boy drama in my life. I was seeing this guy on-and-off since college started. We seriously dated my freshman year but broke up but you can fill in the rest. He's in an indie band and super liberal and etc. Trying to get past him was one of the reasons why I wanted to do all of this. He was really upset about what I'm doing so we stopped talking completely.

Anyways, I went out with the Gamma Phi Beta girls and hooked up with a fraternity guy. So, I started seeing him and hanging out with him. I made the mistake of having a PDA with this new boy and my old flame saw it. He got really upset and yelled at me in front of him. He tried to start a fight but really meekly backed away pretty quickly. He looked pretty pathetic. So he started all this crap with my friends and it created this whole mess.

But I'm feeling a lot better. I'm not really sure where the whole dating thing is going (I don't want anything serious but, I have to admit, it has been a lot of fun). I've seen who my real friends are and aren't. And I'm excited to make some new ones.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Hey there everyone. I just wanted to give an update to what happened to me this semester.

So, I ended up hanging out with girls who are in Gamma Phi Beta through a few classes. They were all really nice and sweet and cool. I'm going to pledge next semester. I was told by one of the members that it might be hard for me to get accepted, since I'm a junior, and also because I wrote that article a few years ago. I know it might be tough but I really want to pledge.

Most of my "friends" have been awful about this decision. There are a few who understand why I'm doing this, but I've been pretty much ostracized with who I've hung out with most of college so far. They hate who I'm hanging out with now. So, my mentality is to screw them.

I had some big boy drama in my life. I was seeing this guy on-and-off since college started. We seriously dated my freshman year but broke up but you can fill in the rest. He's in an indie band and super liberal and etc. Trying to get past him was one of the reasons why I wanted to do all of this. He was really upset about what I'm doing so we stopped talking completely.

Anyways, I went out with the Gamma Phi Beta girls and hooked up with a fraternity guy. So, I started seeing him and hanging out with him. I made the mistake of having a PDA with this new boy and my old flame saw it. He got really upset and yelled at me in front of him. He tried to start a fight but really meekly backed away pretty quickly. He looked pretty pathetic. So he started all this crap with my friends and it created this whole mess.

But I'm feeling a lot better. I'm not really sure where the whole dating thing is going (I don't want anything serious but, I have to admit, it has been a lot of fun). I've seen who my real friends are and aren't. And I'm excited to make some new ones.

Do you mean pledging or rushing? RUSH is the old term for RECRUITMENT, which is the process by which one would, if selected, be offered a big to "pledge" (now it's called New Member Period).

Second, if you are going out with the girls from the sorority, don't be "that girl" who hooks up and has PDA sessions with fraternity guys (or even guys in general....you don't want to be known as the chick who gets drunk and hooks up or has drama). So be careful.

Also, if you are going through Formal Rush, you are rushing all the NPC sororities on campus, not just Gamma Phi Beta (unless you mean informal rush or COB). Just remember that, because it's important to keep an open mind. Plus, it's considered dirty rushing to promise a bid to a girl before or during recruitment. And, you never know for sure what will happen until/unless you have that bid card in your hand.

As for your ex-friends, are you making a big deal of how much you are sacrificing or going through with your music friends, to the GPhiB girls? If you are - stop. Make your time with them about them - as PEOPLE, as friends, and not focus on drama from people who are not being supportive. Lastly, make sure that your friendship and conversations with them do not center on possibly becoming a member. Girls can read that a mile away. If for some reason, you don't get a bid, will you continue to be friends with these girls?

Just some stuff to think about.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Most of my "friends" have been awful about this decision. There are a few who understand why I'm doing this, but I've been pretty much ostracized with who I've hung out with most of college so far. They hate who I'm hanging out with now. So, my mentality is to screw them.

I had some big boy drama in my life. I was seeing this guy on-and-off since college started. We seriously dated my freshman year but broke up but you can fill in the rest. He's in an indie band and super liberal and etc. Trying to get past him was one of the reasons why I wanted to do all of this. He was really upset about what I'm doing so we stopped talking completely.

Anyways, I went out with the Gamma Phi Beta girls and hooked up with a fraternity guy. So, I started seeing him and hanging out with him. I made the mistake of having a PDA with this new boy and my old flame saw it. He got really upset and yelled at me in front of him. He tried to start a fight but really meekly backed away pretty quickly. He looked pretty pathetic. So he started all this crap with my friends and it created this whole mess.

My goodness, you are a Vengeful Veronica.

Seriously, get some counseling for your issues instead of trying to drag a whole sorority of girls into your trainwreck life.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Hey there everyone. I just wanted to give an update to what happened to me this semester.

So, I ended up hanging out with girls who are in Gamma Phi Beta through a few classes. They were all really nice and sweet and cool. I'm going to pledge next semester. I was told by one of the members that it might be hard for me to get accepted, since I'm a junior, and also because I wrote that article a few years ago. I know it might be tough but I really want to pledge.

Most of my "friends" have been awful about this decision. There are a few who understand why I'm doing this, but I've been pretty much ostracized with who I've hung out with most of college so far. They hate who I'm hanging out with now. So, my mentality is to screw them.

I had some big boy drama in my life. I was seeing this guy on-and-off since college started. We seriously dated my freshman year but broke up but you can fill in the rest. He's in an indie band and super liberal and etc. Trying to get past him was one of the reasons why I wanted to do all of this. He was really upset about what I'm doing so we stopped talking completely.

Anyways, I went out with the Gamma Phi Beta girls and hooked up with a fraternity guy. So, I started seeing him and hanging out with him. I made the mistake of having a PDA with this new boy and my old flame saw it. He got really upset and yelled at me in front of him. He tried to start a fight but really meekly backed away pretty quickly. He looked pretty pathetic. So he started all this crap with my friends and it created this whole mess.

But I'm feeling a lot better. I'm not really sure where the whole dating thing is going (I don't want anything serious but, I have to admit, it has been a lot of fun). I've seen who my real friends are and aren't. And I'm excited to make some new ones.

What does all of your unrelated boy drama have to do with anything?

Some advice: I wouldn't go blabbing about all of your personal and boy drama to the sorority women you are meeting. You might just get yourself labeled as a "drama queen" and end up without a bid. This is particularly true of the way you speak about your "friends."

If you got a bid, and had personal issues with any of your sisters (which everyone has at some point), would you adopt the same "screw them" mentality concerning them?

I think you need to adjust that "chip on your shoulder" attitude before you can become part of anyone's organization.

[bostongreek]

Okay. Every post you make you have another excuse as to why you should not join a sorority. What do you want us to tell you? That you shouldn't join because you're too different? Everyone is giving you great advice and you keep coming back with some new excuse.

Don't try to join a sorority.

There.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by bostongreek

Okay. Every post you make you have another excuse as to why you should not join a sorority. What do you want us to tell you? That you shouldn't join because you're too different? Everyone is giving you great advice and you keep coming back with some new excuse.

Don't try to join a sorority.

There.

Seriously. I've been out of school for over 7 1/2 years, and the OP has managed to offend me in some way with almost every one of her posts. If the OP says even a fraction of these things in real life, why on earth would a chapter want to give her a bid?

[kddani]

QFP:

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Thanks. I really appreciate it.

I know I shouldn't judge, etc., but I think it's just human nature and something everyone does, unfortunately. It's just kind of weird/hard to think that all of a sudden I want to do what the people I've always tried to disassociate myself from do. And I know that they aren't friends if they don't support me, etc., but that's also hard, too, just socially.

So much to think about.

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I know I'm probably coming off as judgmental with this. It's just that from my experience at my school, I haven't met a sorority member who had the same tastes that I did. I've been to a handful of frat/sorority parties and never heard anything I liked. And I know it's wrong of me to kind of scoff at people for not having the "amazing" taste in music that I do. And if I decide to pledge, I just want to make sure that I go about it the right way. And KUSViolet is right -- I really don't like Lady Gaga but I won't make a peep if any of the sisters mentions going to a show like that.

I think the thing that I'm not representing well is how small my school is. I could honestly name everyone in my major, and it's the biggest major in school. And when I sit around in the cafeteria or food court, I could probably name at least two or three people at every table, even if its people that I don't even really know. EVERYONE knows EVERYONE here.

So I'm probably being unfair when I say the sorority girls dress alike. I mean, they don't wear all the same clothes. But they usually do wear different stuff than I would, especially when going out. I think a good way to describe my wardrobe is like Pam from The Office. And the sorority members, when I see them going out, they usually wear halter tops or miniskirts and things I don't even own. And they usually go to the big bars in the city that fit like 1,000 people and I'm usually going to some dive place. And they go on Spring Break to Cancun (one sorority did) while me and my friends went to go see a Flaming Lips concert. And a lot of the fraternities and sororities go to our school's basketball games while me and my friends go to an open mic night at a coffee shop.

But the reason why I'm thinking about doing this... I don't want to do what I'm doing anymore. I think I want to change everything in my life completely. I'm not having any fun with what I've been doing. And most of the sorority members on campus seem to be having a lot of fun. I really do want to be a part of that, even though it's really foreign to me. And I really want to make a good effort to fit in with them.


Another problem that I might run into... I write for the school newspaper. I don't think we have any Greeks who are members of the staff, except for I think one guy who writes for the sports section. And when I was a freshman, I wrote a column about Greeks not being individuals, being conformists, etc. So I'm afraid some people might hold it against me. A few girls on my floor at the time who were pledging gave me some crap about it.

But like I said, I'm going through a lot of stuff and really need to change my life. And I really admire the sorority girls who really act like sisters and have fun and also do community service. They seem like they're having the time of their lives. I really need that right now.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by kddani

QFP:

FINALLY! lol

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Thank you for this. I know my really close friends would still be with me, but they'd definitely would be shocked at first.

As far as music tastes go -- I know I wouldn't have to give it up, but I think if I go through with this I'd have to hide it. I mean, if I'm pledging and there's a party or whatever, I don't think I should roll my eyes and make a snarky comment when I hear Dave Matthews Band or something like that. I definitely want to try my best to fit in, especially at first.

Also, should I dress how I normally dress or should I dress more like the sorority girls I see?

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

So...why DO you want to be in a sorority? Other than you want to change the type of bars you go to, the clothes you wear, and the type of guys you would like to date? You don't need to join a sorority to do that.

So...if someone were to ask you why you want to go through recruitment, what would you say?

And as far as the column you wrote...was this a commentary or a news article? What was your argument? Was it full of judgments and stereotypes?

And for the record, I held several officer positions on the school newspaper. Sorority women come from all different backgrounds, and have many different tastes. You are only focusing on what's different, versus finding commonalities.

I'm starting to wonder if this is for real...

word. Jen K is this you? lol

[bostongreek]

Originally Posted by tld221

Jen K is this you? lol

I'm sure she would have mentioned her legacy status. After all, that was the only reason she got in.

[KSUViolet06]

My biggest piece of advice:

Work on your judgemental attiude.

In life, not everyone in the world is going to like what you like, listen to what you listen to, etc.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by tld221

Jen K is this you? lol

LOL I totally thought that!

[bostongreek]

Originally Posted by kddani

Seriously. I've been out of school for over 7 1/2 years, and the OP has managed to offend me in some way with almost every one of her posts. If the OP says even a fraction of these things in real life, why on earth would a chapter want to give her a bid?

I'm wondering about her social skills in general. She is judging her "friends" and people she thinks are similar to herself just as much as she's judging sorority women. OP, you need an attitude adjustment before you even think about rushing or you're not going to be very successful.

[JuliaNJ]

This is 100% for real and I really don't want to or mean to offend everyone.

Like I said... I want to change everything in my life right now. And the sisterhood that goes along with being in a sorority is something I really need right now. I see the members at my school... and yes, they do have fun. But on top of it, they have all these people they can count on.

I know it's going to take a lot of work and a lot of thinking over things. But I really, really want to do this.

Someone said before I need to adjust my attitude. What do you think I should do?

Thanks.