The Single's Bucket List

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

So you can't travel once you're married?

When you're single, you can crash on a friend's couch when you go visit them. A group of friends can kip in on one hotel room. You only have your work schedule to plan vacations around.

When you're married, have two work schedules to plan around, and a lot of people buy a house, or start saving for one, pretty soon after they get married. If your friends don't have guest bedrooms yet, it's a hotel for you. Since people have finite numbers of vacation days, and not everyone lives close to their families like they did two generations ago, it's not easy to plan a vacation and still make sure you have enough time off for the year to visit his family for Christmas and yours for Thanksgiving.

I'm really glad I got my crazy world travel experiences under my belt early on--it would be hard to schedule 3 weeks backpacking in Southeast Asia with a real job!

[Little32]

Well, I wanted to get my degree before I settled down, and that's done.

Don't really have other things that I absolutely must do while single. :thinking:

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

When you're single, you can crash on a friend's couch when you go visit them. A group of friends can kip in on one hotel room.

This can also happen when you're married and it can also NOT happen if you're single, depending on your circumstances.

I think a lot of this has to do with what people have going on in their lives and is not about being single versus married.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

I, personally, think it's easier to just pack up your stuff and leave one day for an indefinite amount of time in Europe, Asia, Canada, where ever you want to go-as a single person.

Provided (1) you can afford it and (2) you have a job where they don't care if you just all of a sudden pack up your stuff and leave the country indefinitely. Good luck with that.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I think a lot of this has to do with what people have going on in their lives and is not about being single versus married.

Exactly. As a married father reading through this, I keep wondering why would being married in and of itself (or even being a parent, in and of itself) keep you from doing the things you really want to do?

You make choices in life, and if there's something you want to do that matters, you figure out how to make it happen. "But I can't because I'm married" sounds like an excuse to me. (Well, except for the obvious "can't/won't do that because I'm married" things. )

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This can also happen when you're married and it can also NOT happen if you're single, depending on your circumstances.

I think a lot of this has to do with what people have going on in their lives and is not about being single versus married.

Yeah, I guess I was just thinking about the things that were easier for me to do when I was single, compared to when I was living with ex-boy; I was also thinking about where my friends and I are in our lives. No one has room for more than one couch-crashing guest.

I have noticed that now that the kids are gone and retirement is the reality, my parents do all sorts of crazy stuff that's not too dissimilar from what I was doing a few years ago! Money + no obligations = party time, apparently.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Exactly. As a married father reading through this, I keep wondering why would being married in and of itself (or even being a parent, in and of itself) keep you from doing the things you really want to do?

As for me and my "before kids" list, there are a couple things hubby and I want(ed) to do that are dangerous enough that we don't feel like it's fair to our kids for us to do them. For instance, we've always wanted to go skydiving. While that's probably technically safe enough (after all, there are numerous safety measures in place), we're just afraid of the risk. We wouldn't have that fear if it were just the two of us.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Exactly. As a married father reading through this, I keep wondering why would being married in and of itself (or even being a parent, in and of itself) keep you from doing the things you really want to do?

You make choices in life, and if there's something you want to do that matters, you figure out how to make it happen. "But I can't because I'm married" sounds like an excuse to me. (Well, except for the obvious "can't/won't do that because I'm married" things. )

I can't speak to the "being married" part anymore, but I can speak to the parent part. I'm very limited as to what I can do because of my kids, but it is still my choice for right now. What I want to do right now is be around so that my teens know I'm keeping tabs on them. With kids, I have to own a home big enough for them to live in, even if I'd prefer a one bedroom condo with no lawn mowing and snow blowing required. With kids, I have to live within 100 miles of my ex-husband AND be able to get them to school every day that they are in my custody because the court says so. With a 50-50 custody arrangement, you're pretty limited and restricted to remaining in a certain geographic area. I choose to be limited as to how much I can date/be in a relationship because I choose to keep that part of my life completely and totally separate from my kids. I'm looking for a partner for me, not a dad for them and I'm not comfortable with them going through relationship ups and downs along with me, so I won't involve them. I also am much more limited financially while supporting two kids than I would be if it was "just me".

But, once that youngest is in college, I'm moving to Atlanta to be with the man who I have wanted to be with for the last 9 years. That's the bucket list, post-parenthood

[VandalSquirrel]

I don't even have a "bucket list" perhaps because I hate the term, but sure there are things I want to do, but having a ceremony and a marriage license doesn't change that. Even having a spouse, kids, house, if I wanted to do something I'd make it happen, and I doubt I'd get into a relationship where I felt limited in doing things I wanted to do (or get out of one if it became an issue).

I've already done a lot of crazy stuff, which I guess is the positive of not getting married in, or right after college.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I can't speak to the "being married" part anymore, but I can speak to the parent part. I'm very limited as to what I can do because of my kids, but it is still my choice for right now. What I want to do right now is be around so that my teens know I'm keeping tabs on them. With kids, I have to own a home big enough for them to live in, even if I'd prefer a one bedroom condo with no lawn mowing and snow blowing required. With kids, I have to live within 100 miles of my ex-husband AND be able to get them to school every day that they are in my custody because the court says so. With a 50-50 custody arrangement, you're pretty limited and restricted to remaining in a certain geographic area. I choose to be limited as to how much I can date/be in a relationship because I choose to keep that part of my life completely and totally separate from my kids. I'm looking for a partner for me, not a dad for them and I'm not comfortable with them going through relationship ups and downs along with me, so I won't involve them. I also am much more limited financially while supporting two kids than I would be if it was "just me".

But, once that youngest is in college, I'm moving to Atlanta to be with the man who I have wanted to be with for the last 9 years. That's the bucket list, post-parenthood

I'm counting the days for you! Good luck!

But just to play devil's advocate, is this really a bucket list of what to do before kids? Is this something you wish you'd done before you had kids or is this dealing with what came along after you had kids?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Yeah, I guess I was just thinking about the things that were easier for me to do when I was single, compared to when I was living with ex-boy; I was also thinking about where my friends and I are in our lives. No one has room for more than one couch-crashing guest.

Ahhh...therein lies the rub. Almost all of our friends have houses with guest bedrooms. No need to literally crash a couch. You figuratively crash it.

On roadtrips where we stay in hotels without significant others, everyone stays in the same room. Queen beds, pull-out couches, cots, etc.

This won't be a weekly thing nor will people always have the time, energy, and interest in doing these things. But, they aren't impossible to do when you're not single. They are just reserved for homecomings, holiday gatherings, and annual chapter reunions.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Yep. The only thing I would say is live alone - not just to learn to take care of yourself, but to look around and say "this is MY couch. MY apartment. Arranged MY way. I chose it, all on my own, and no one else did." That's a feeling that you don't get if you go from parents to college housing to marriage.

Yep. My grandma got married when it was pretty common for women to go from parents and directly to marrige (or dorms to marriage), and she has always told me the same thing.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This won't be a weekly thing nor will people always have the time, energy, and interest in doing these things. But, they aren't impossible to do when you're not single. They are just reserved for homecomings, holiday gatherings, and annual chapter reunions.

Yeah, my mother does this with "the gals" from time to time. So cute!

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Yeah, I guess I was just thinking about the things that were easier for me to do when I was single, compared to when I was living with ex-boy; I was also thinking about where my friends and I are in our lives. No one has room for more than one couch-crashing guest.

I have noticed that now that the kids are gone and retirement is the reality, my parents do all sorts of crazy stuff that's not too dissimilar from what I was doing a few years ago! Money + no obligations = party time, apparently.

That's the thing - when I think of the "limiting factors," so to speak, in my life, the first things that come to mind are law school and work. Maybe I'm looking at things the wrong way, but I can't think of a way in which I've been limited by my marriage.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

That's the thing - when I think of the "limiting factors," so to speak, in my life, the first things that come to mind are law school and work. Maybe I'm looking at things the wrong way, but I can't think of a way in which I've been limited by my marriage.

I mean, you're limited in the sense that it's generally frowned upon to grab a hot tub full of hookers in Vegas once you're married - but certainly you can probably live that dream if you're so inclined. It's just a matter of division of assets at that point.

The term "bucket list" makes me want to put a bucket onto my head and bang it repeatedly with a hammer - but the thought of 'limiting' myself in any way based on something as simple and as temporal as "life situation" kind of sucks (barring kid situations, which are more give-and-take than anything). Maybe I'm a bit capricious, but if I want to do something, I usually just do it - whether that's skydiving, bar rats, travel, cardio kickboxing or eating an entire cheese pizza, just for me.

On the other hand, I would actually laugh if a woman said to me, "before we get married, I have all of these things I want to do, so I'd better get cracking!" Yep, looks like you better, Ms. I Need Life Milemarkers To Fill In An Imaginary List. I'll grab a drink.

[AlwaysSAI]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Provided (1) you can afford it and (2) you have a job where they don't care if you just all of a sudden pack up your stuff and leave the country indefinitely. Good luck with that.

As a public school teacher who is awesome at saving money--I don't think I'll really have a problem with that.

As long as I leave after school ends and get back by the first workday, that is....

I did the whole "Europe tour" thing in high school. Hopefully, I'll save for a few more years and have the money to spend a few weeks relaxing in Switzerland.