how to get over the cheating incident?

[AKA_Monet]

Thanks Mystic for the blow by blow...

Simplyme--

I am responding in a place of serenity and solace. You need to take several deep breaths slowly... And find your breath...

There are 2 things going on here:

1. Both of you are insecure personally and relationship-wise, which means you need to strengthen and buttress your own inner being before you move forward onto the "NEXT" relationship.
   
2. As far as why he cheated, who knows, did you ask him? People with personal self-esteem problems and insecurities often cheat. What they are trying to do is to find something/someone externally to validate themselves... The feeling of hurting the other person is minimized so much because all that matters is that "next hit"--like an addiction--same as drugs/compulsive gambling/alcohol. Similar brain chemicals are activated.

As a suggestion: I would put a 2 month no contact order on the EX. I would erase all contact information you have of him. That means myspace/facebook, IM, text message/cell phone/landline, answering machine/house address/etc., whatever, no matter what... This is your diet you need to go on to lose that heavy burden DEAD weight... And if he shows up at your doorstep uninvited, unannounced, call the police...

Next: Shopping/Spa Therapy... You need to get that sexy dress from White House/Black Market, with the High Heeled shoes Rihanna just modeled. Then get your hair/nails/eyebrows/bikini wax done. The object heerah is to look uber sexxxy...

Your activity: Go to the happenest club and buy a chardonnay and sit at a very prominent chair--sexxxily. And be very, very flirtatious... Your mode of attraction must be telepathic. If you are clueless as to how to work it, then you need to train yourself with like minded individuals to make that happen...

How to handle encounters: What that means, you don't hoe yourself out, but you be mysterious without going into detail. Answer questions vaguely and turn questions back onto them. If they ask for your number, you can do that if you'd like, but I would make it very difficult for them to speak to you. If they want to speak to you, they'd find a way... They find a way to get game tickets at the last minute, they can find a way to contact you sufficiently... The objective here is to have public dates arranged--i.e. meet for coffee in 3-4 days, meet at the library, meet in a public during daylight hours something relatively inexpensive... Ice cream is a good one...

If there is a fella you don't like, and you want to get rid of him--i.e. he has jumbled teeth, his breath stinks/he has BO, he's very drunk, he has an incomplete grillz, he just grosses you out--just start talking about Jesus and how He saves, and invite him to Churtch... LOL...

It's called recruitment for BF bootcamp... Be a creature unlike any other!

PM me if there are further questions.

Dr. AKA_Monet

[SimplyME143]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

But that's how you're behaving, cow.

"Cow"?

Is this 1957?

As smart as you'd like to think you are - you have made it quite
obvious you suffer from self-esteem issues (meaning you're probably a fat ass).

And you probably don't have the willpower to succumb (and stick with) anorexia - you pathetic slob.

Just remember, I'm the one who came here for advice - not the one who has to put other people down to feel better about themselves, cow.

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by SimplyME143

"Cow"?

Is this 1957?

As smart as you'd like to think you are - you have made it quite
obvious you suffer from self-esteem issues (meaning you're probably a fat ass).

And you probably don't have the willpower to succumb (and stick with) anorexia - you pathetic slob.

Just remember, I'm the one who came here for advice - not the one who has to put other people down to feel better about themselves, cow.

I don't have to put you down to feel better about myself. I put you down because you make it so easy to do.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by SimplyME143

Just remember, I'm the one who came here for advice - not the one who has to put other people down to feel better about themselves

So here's some serious advice, so you'll stop this:

You should take a hard look at some of the decisions you made in the relationship, both prior to the cheating, prior to you finding out about the cheating, then after it was discovered. When I say "take a look", I mean this in the sense that your actions seemed more intent on punishment or expressing your own angst, anxiety or insecurity than actually solving the relationship issues or examining both a.) how to save the relationship and b.) whether the relationship needed to be saved.

The reason why I used the word "immature" before is because things like exchanging Facebook and Myspace passwords indicates a fundamental lack of trust, rather than a newfound trust - it seems like a mistake I would have made while younger, thinking that "sharing" is the same as "trust" when instead it's a total lack of trust.

Your contact with the other woman is likely the worst possible way to handle the situation - your problems were with your boyfriend, not the other woman. She is, in all seriousness, totally irrelevant. The focus on her instead of him indicates insecurity on some level, and you should examine whether you're ready for anything serious at this point. You have to care for yourself first, before anyone else can.

You also seem quite closed off to any reasonable criticisms - which calls into question why you even posted this. Take a deep breath, and listen to what people are saying - you seem young, you still have plenty of time to get it together. Someday, you'll look back at this and laugh (that day is today, if you're trolling us).

[tinydancer]

Originally Posted by SimplyME143

"Cow"?

Is this 1957?

As smart as you'd like to think you are - you have made it quite
obvious you suffer from self-esteem issues (meaning you're probably a fat ass).

And you probably don't have the willpower to succumb (and stick with) anorexia - you pathetic slob.

Just remember, I'm the one who came here for advice - not the one who has to put other people down to feel better about themselves, cow.

Senusret I, I am sorry that she is not intimidated by your hotness!

[agzg]

I'm ashamed of Senusret I that he could not give in to anorexia.

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

I'm ashamed of Senusret I that he could not give in to anorexia.

Sister, your posts just keep on getting better.

[Senusret I]

LOL I just think it's ironic that I'm the pathetic slob...

[agzg]

Hey, I was away from greekchat and the internets in general for a year and a half! I'm just now getting my snark back.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

I'm ashamed of Senusret I that he could not give in to anorexia.

I had taken a psychology class and almost every girl did a presentation on eating disorders. I did one on the overprescription of prescription drugs to children without any oversight, and one other woman did one on the psychology of non white women.

So I had my handouts and my college roommate found them interesting, and calculated the amount of weight she'd have to lose (according to the handouts which were not cited well) to be clinically anorexic (all in jest to mock bad research skills). On the calendar for the rest of the year she'd write "lose 30 more pounds to be anorexic" or "don't forget to skip dinner and waste the money you spent on a meal plan."

Perhaps you should folow her lead Senusret I, to quote a Lifetime Movie "It takes discipline to be thin!"

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Perhaps you should folow her lead Senusret I, to quote a Lifetime Movie "It takes discipline to be thin!"

Was that from the movie about the anorexic ballerina? I can't remember the title, but I know it starred Kimberly McCullough.

[agzg]

"Don't forget to 'forget' to eat!"

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by OTW

Was that from the movie about the anorexic ballerina? I can't remember the title, but I know it starred Kimberly McCullough.

Our personal favorite was the one about the girls who had a pact, and Lynda Carter (Wonder Woman) played the mom. The one girl died and the other would have visions of her on the beach and what not. It is called Moment of Truth: A Secret Between Friends and luckily will be on tomorrow night on the Lifetime Movie Network if you need Thinspiration Senusret I.

You're thinking of Dying to Dance but the one I was thinking of was Hunger Point with Barbara Hershey, where the mom said to her preteen girls "first one to lose 10 pounds gets a new bathing suit" when she's putting them in the car. One sister fights the battle, the other doesn't and is quoted in the commercials "It takes discipline to be thin."

[agzg]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Our personal favorite was the one about the girls who had a pact, and Lynda Carter (Wonder Woman) played the mom. The one girl died and the other would have visions of her on the beach and what not. It is called Moment of Truth: A Secret Between Friends and luckily will be on tomorrow night on the Lifetime Movie Network if you need Thinspiration Senusret I.

You're thinking of Dying to Dance but the one I was thinking of was Hunger Point with Barbara Hershey, where the mom said to her preteen girls "first one to lose 10 pounds gets a new bathing suit" when she's putting them in the car. One sister fights the battle, the other doesn't and is quoted in the commercials "It takes discipline to be thin."

Wow - you know way more about Lifetime movies than I do. I'm jealous.

I missed the one about Coco Chanel - is it as good as it looked? Should I try to DVR a repeat??

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

Wow - you know way more about Lifetime movies than I do. I'm jealous.

I missed the one about Coco Chanel - is it as good as it looked? Should I try to DVR a repeat??

I haven't seen that yet, I considered downloading the preview/trailer to my IPod to watch at the gym. I have so much crap on my DVR to watch this weekend while I finish my knitting projects.

You can search at www.lmn.tv for your favorite flicks by title, cast, or subject.

OMG they have a clip from Dying to Belong where they circle the fat!
http://www.lmn.tv/movies/details.php?id=MOVE+3214