Recommendation Letters

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by shadokat

I honestly don't have much of an opinion on this one. I just posted it because I saw it. DPhiE has never had much of a recommendation letter writing thing, and I think I've done maybe 3 in my life.

Here's my question, and again, excuse my ignorance, but what if PNMs got recommendations from someone like say a teacher, a clergy person, a boss at a job or something like that instead of having a member write one? Or is that a bad idea?

Some of the sororities are now accepting this kind of recommendation. A few others have a form for the PNM to introduce herself to the chapter. As to whether this is a good idea? Time will tell.

[shadokat]

I found four recs for her. I think she was missing three total.

My point here is that you're asking if she jumped through 7,000 hoops for these recommendations from people who don't even know her! What is the value in that? I would think a recommendation from a boss, teacher or clergy person would be much more valuable in terms of a real recommendation than a stranger. Maybe I just am misunderstanding this whole thing.

Originally Posted by Titchou

This is where you network. Did you know alums in the other groups that could have done it for her based on your rec? Did she ask everyone who did a rec if they knew people in the other groups? Did she contact the nearest alum PH? Or the national offices of the other groups? Did she search FB for rec writing groups? (they are out there because I belong to one and I'm the only Alabama person on it). Sure, you'll end up missing out on some, but it should not be a lot.

[carnation]

In my experience, alums who don't know a PNM will often ask around about her.

[33girl]

I will say again that meshing all this recommendation and legacy elimination together with the pandemic is the worst idea women have had since suffrage got tangled up with Prohibition.

[carnation]

Yes! Spot on!

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by shadokat

I found four recs for her. I think she was missing three total.

My point here is that you're asking if she jumped through 7,000 hoops for these recommendations from people who don't even know her! What is the value in that? I would think a recommendation from a boss, teacher or clergy person would be much more valuable in terms of a real recommendation than a stranger. Maybe I just am misunderstanding this whole thing.

Well, 3 out of 18 isn't bad...and she would more than that release her anyway just to get to the number of parties that day. So, bravo for her! As for the rest of your statement, are you saying that "friend of the family" isn't good enough? Sweetie, I write a ton of recs based on the recommendation of friends. In fact, that's even a category on our rec form!

[AGDee]

I understand that in the areas near these SEC schools, it is relatively easy to find people in sororities and to "ask around" to find out more about her. In Metro Detroit, it's nearly impossible. The Alumnae Panhellenic is tiny and maybe 50% of the NPC chapters are represented. Graduating classes are massive and there's no way to "ask around" about someone who was in a graduating class of 5000 kids. It's very very different, but we have lots of kids going to Bama because of the automatic free tuition. Many of those girls want recs. The only people I know in sororities other than my own are the people I met from Greekchat. I admit, I don't understand the rec hype. They are rarely, if ever, used anywhere in my state. Our Greek systems survive.

[Rpq]

My daughter got a near full ride to a school about 10 hours' drive from our home in the Mountain West. (We live in ski/fish/mountain climb/ river raft country.) When people heard she's going there, many told her she'd "have to" rush and she didn't disagree after visiting a couple of weekends (she's great company, is a good citizen, cherishes her friends, and she LOVES to organize, fundraise, and support causes ). Many of my friends offered to write her rec letters, which she accepted after learning that they were a good idea for girls not coming from traditional feeder high schools. Gamma Phi Beta and Delta Gamma seemed to let anyone do it, so one of her cousin's wives who was a Chi O at an SEC school went on to their national websites and filled those out for her a couple of weeks ago. Another lady she had nannied for was a Theta and her sister was a Pi Phi, so they covered those houses for her. I believe her tennis coach was a Tri Delt and another nanny boss was an Alpha Gam. My daughter really hoped to have Kappa and Alpha Phi rec letters, too, but our two Kappa friends were delinquent on dues (or similar), and we don't know any Alpha Phis, so we struck out on those fronts. My daughter says the Recruitment Chairs for those two houses follow her on Instagram, though, and have commented "congrats" or "good for you!" on a couple of her posts, so she is hopeful that she's on a list of women they want to get to know.

As a mom, I have to say that (though they are a pain if you're from a non-Greek-y area like we are) I wish recs were required at all the houses because the pre-screening seems too Instagram-focused otherwise. (It's great to have your daughter's social media be approved of, but I feel like her resume and kind words from folks who know her will help get her closer to her authentic/ best fit house.)

[FSUZeta]

As a mom, I have to say that (though they are a pain if you're from a non-Greek-y area like we are) I wish recs were required at all the houses because the pre-screening seems too Instagram-focused otherwise. (It's great to have your daughter's social media be approved of, but I feel like her resume and kind words from folks who know her will help get her closer to her authentic/ best fit house.)

Rpq, An excellent point, and frankly, one I had not thought of.

You and your daughter did some good networking, and that is what it is all about when it comes to recs. Best wishes that your daughter find her people.

[shadokat]

First off, please don't call me sweetie. I don't know you, and whether or not you meant it as a jab, it feels like it and it's immature.

Second, she went to preference at 2 of the 18 chapters she DIDN'T have a recommendation for and joined one of them.

My entire point was not to say that recommendations aren't good - clearly they provide information to chapters about PNMs. That being said, I would value one that was from someone who actually knows the PNM rather than the friend of the friend who plays tennis with her mother once a month.

Originally Posted by Titchou

Well, 3 out of 18 isn't bad...and she would more than that release her anyway just to get to the number of parties that day. So, bravo for her! As for the rest of your statement, are you saying that "friend of the family" isn't good enough? Sweetie, I write a ton of recs based on the recommendation of friends. In fact, that's even a category on our rec form!

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by shadokat

First off, please don't call me sweetie. I don't know you, and whether or not you meant it as a jab, it feels like it and it's immature.

Second, she went to preference at 2 of the 18 chapters she DIDN'T have a recommendation for and joined one of them.

First off, "sweetie" is a VERY acceptable southern term of endearment. I'm from Aabama. We say it all the time. I use it a lot for people younger than I (I'm 76).

Second you orginally made it sound like all the groups she didn't have a rec for released her. Pardon my misunderstanding.