In-law venting thread - Page 15

groovypq · #1 07-09-2013, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

uggh, that sounds messy. Is there anyway your husband can take the lead in explaining to your (his) parents the length of time is too great?

I'd think his mom would buy into your adament position of not having the baby not in the room with you. I'm not a pet person at all so I completely feel the veto on life with the dogs. I'd be screaming from the rooftops, but appreciate your willingness to keep the peace.

As far as the parents visiting, it sounds like one set lives in the same city as you/hubby and the other set lives away? if so, what, logically, could the miffedness (made up word of the day) be based on?

Well, we lucked out, I suppose. He's not able to take vacation that week anyway (last man on the totem pole to choose vacation weeks and all August is snapped up).

Since that last post, the "competitiveness" has gotten worse. Both sets of parents live almost equal distance away - 3 for mine, 3.5 for his. So the miffedness (I like it!) is merely because my parents were here twice before they were. His mom is also now hurt that she wasn't "invited" to spend 3 weeks here after the baby was born like my mom was. MIL has all sons and just doesn't seem to realize that a woman and her mom have a certain bond over having a baby. My mom was here to help me - I'm a first time mom and this is a big adjustment! It's something you just learn from your own mom and you can't just "invite" someone else to do it.

We had both families up for our daughter's christening and my mom and sister helped me get the house ready and cook things the day before. Again, his mom was hurt over this - because apparently I'm supposed to have all of my guests clean my house for me the day before a party. :-p She sulked all through the party and she and FIL really ruined the day (the party at least. The baptism itself was beautiful).

Then she pissed me off by telling us how she'd told a friend of hers that our daughter is named after some random great-aunts in DH's family - she's not, she's named after my great-grandmother and we didn't even know about these great-aunts until we told ILs her name! She didn't even appreciate the fact that daughter's middle name is for her own mother, but she has to "steal" the first name?!

We haven't seen them since the baptism, which is fine by me. I feel like they drag my husband down with their guilt trips and constant negativity, and I don't want that for my daughter. I know I can't avoid them forever, but I'd like to try to mitigate the crazy.

Wow, that was quite a vent...

AnchorAlumna · #2 07-31-2013, 03:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by groovypq

His mom is also now hurt that she wasn't "invited" to spend 3 weeks here after the baby was born like my mom was. MIL has all sons and just doesn't seem to realize that a woman and her mom have a certain bond over having a baby. My mom was here to help me - I'm a first time mom and this is a big adjustment! It's something you just learn from your own mom and you can't just "invite" someone else to do it.

While it's true that a new mother and her mom have that bond, a new mother and her MIL can bond, too, especially if MIL had all sons and missed having a daughter. Not in the same way, of course, but definitely you could share a special time.
Maybe not for 3 weeks, but a few days, anyway. You can, believe it or not, learn things from your MIL...like how your husband likes his food, how he grew up...and your MIL is your child's grandmother. She deserves some time with the grandchild.
Maybe think about being quick to forgive, slow to anger??

ETA: Don't go to the beach, though!!!

groovypq · #3 07-09-2013, 08:59 AM

Someone recently told me babies bring out the crazy in people... and when it comes to my in-laws, that's definitely true.

ellebud · #4 07-09-2013, 02:35 PM

I am smiling. My in laws were terrible bigoted pompous people. Among the few minor things they did...they were happy when I got cancer because that might get me out of the family. They used the k word describing my children and me. FIL is dead and mil now lives else where.

My son is now engaged to a very nice and complicated young woman. They are FAR more religious than we are or will ever be. She wants a very tradition Jewish wedding ceremony. Son wanted to protest. Nope I said....this is important to her. Let it be.

We are paying for most of the wedding. MofB wants a huge wedding. No....I pay...I get a say. I went with my son to find the ring. He purchased a beautiful but smallish stone (a little over a carat).. She loves it.

I listen to what they are saying. Some of it is cuckoo bananas. My son just wants to be told what is happening....No matched rental tuxedos (son) ...fine. Bride is fine with that. I am fine with that....

I do not want a replay of our marriage. Her parents are divorced. They didn't get the message of play nicely with others. I talk to both sides....because they won't talk to each other. Father (quite elderly) wants some guests...........who would have thought I would be mediating a semi Orthodox wedding?! Who knew?

aephi alum · #5 07-31-2013, 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellebud

I am smiling. My in laws were terrible bigoted pompous people. Among the few minor things they did...they were happy when I got cancer because that might get me out of the family. They used the k word describing my children and me. FIL is dead and mil now lives else where.

My son is now engaged to a very nice and complicated young woman. They are FAR more religious than we are or will ever be. She wants a very tradition Jewish wedding ceremony. Son wanted to protest. Nope I said....this is important to her. Let it be.

We are paying for most of the wedding. MofB wants a huge wedding. No....I pay...I get a say. I went with my son to find the ring. He purchased a beautiful but smallish stone (a little over a carat).. She loves it.
<snip>

ellebud, I know I'm a bit late to the party here, but can I just say OH MY GOD.

First, how can anyone be HAPPY that someone else gets cancer?? Several of my relatives, including my mother, have died from cancer, and it's horrific. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Second, as for the wedding, remember the Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules. If the MOB wants a huge wedding, great - she can pay for it. You may have to concede on the points of having an Orthodox ceremony and reception with a kosher caterer, but if the MOB wants to invite her father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate, she can damn well pay for him/her.

Third, "a little over a carat" isn't "smallish". The diamond in my engagement ring is 47 points and I'm perfectly happy with it.

SWTXBelle · #6 07-09-2013, 06:24 PM

My bil offered to pay for our hotel room so we could go to Vicksburg for a convention. I was not able to get the convention rate, but my AAA rate was less than any of the other rates for suggested hotels. He is now complaining and indicating he can do better. I am this close to saying the boys and I will just stay home and my husband can stay with bil.

lovespink88 · #7 07-30-2013, 04:50 PM

My husband found out that he CANNOT take a day that I had already bought plane tickets for. Womp womp. We were going to take the credit for his flight and use if for a future flight. No big deal.

I get this long text from his mom this morning about the "options she looked into". I had no idea what she was talking about and was very confused. I am not certain but I'm assuming he mentioned to her that he won't be coming home and so she took it upon herself to try to find ways to help. I'm basing this assumption on the fact that I know he does not ask for her help with things like this.

I get that she probably just really wants him to come home to see him but honestly, she would will see him for just a few hours because we're going to be busy with this wedding most of the time we're there.

So the option she offered was to fly him out directly from Colorado Springs to Chicago on the morning of the wedding then he'd fly back with me as scheduled from Chicago to Denver. (We don't ever plan on flying direct from CO Springs cause it's like $300 more for both of us AT LEAST).

Again, very nice of her to...take it upon herself...and try to help us out. But I just don't want her throwing money around for this. It's frustrating to me. We're adults and we can figure this out on our own. If it means he can't go to the wedding, so be it. He can't get the Friday off, it is what it is.

And honestly, as far as her getting to see him, this will probably work better anyways. We were supposed to land in Chicago at 10am Friday and so I know we'd basically have to split time between my family and his from 10am Friday to about 11am Saturday. Then the rest of the time was going to be at the wedding. This way, I can just spend my time with my family, and when he goes home for a wedding in October (I am not going--it's just too many plane tickets) he can spend all that time with his family.

I know I sound ungrateful for having someone who's trying to help...it's just the fact that to me it feels like she's sticking her nose in our business. I did not ask for help, and I can guarantee my husband didn't either.

When I mentioned the fact that Mr. LP wasn't coming home with me in August to my parents they weren't all "oh, let us pay the difference for a flight!" They WON'T do that type of thing and I know it because I was SUPPOSED to go to that other wedding in October and they didn't offer to "fix it" when I told them I wasn't coming home anymore. That's how it should be. We're adults, we need to "fix it".

atrianglepi · #8 07-31-2013, 04:33 PM

My in-laws are CRAZY. My husband wants me to write a book on some of their comments, criticisms, etc. there are too many to list, but some of my favorites:When we were dating back in college, I was telling a story about a horrible car accident that my sister and I were in during High School. Future FIL says to me, " too bad you didn't die because then you would have never met son's name.

When my mother was dying of cancer, we had planned to spend Thanksgiving with her and my dad. My MIL said " I wish your mother would hurry up and die, so you can come here." My mother died in October, We spent the Holiday with my grieving Father.

All time best comment, I have fraternal twins. My son was born with red hair, his twin sister had no hair. One of my BILs is a redhead, MIL decided that since twin daughter did not look like her brother, she must have a different father. While biologically possible, it was not the case and my husband is indeed the father of both twins. She has made a point at every holiday giving twin daughter an "inferior" gift for all holidays because she still believes she is not her biological granddaughter. The twins are 19 and she is still holding on to her belief. Cuckoo! ETA : Twin daughter has lovely Auburn hair now.

WCsweet<3 · #9 07-31-2013, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atrianglepi

My in-laws are CRAZY. My husband wants me to write a book on some of their comments, criticisms, etc. there are too many to list, but some of my favorites:When we were dating back in college, I was telling a story about a horrible car accident that my sister and I were in during High School. Future FIL says to me, " too bad you didn't die because then you would have never met son's name.

When my mother was dying of cancer, we had planned to spend Thanksgiving with her and my dad. My MIL said " I wish your mother would hurry up and die, so you can come here." My mother died in October, We spent the Holiday with my grieving Father.

All time best comment, I have fraternal twins. My son was born with red hair, his twin sister had no hair. One of my BILs is a redhead, MIL decided that since twin daughter did not look like her brother, she must have a different father. While biologically possible, it was not the case and my husband is indeed the father of both twins. She has made a point at every holiday giving twin daughter an "inferior" gift for all holidays because she still believes she is not her biological granddaughter. The twins are 19 and she is still holding on to her belief. Cuckoo! ETA : Twin daughter has lovely Auburn hair now.

What the...? There are no words to respond to this craziness.

I'm going to visit the MIL this weekend and wish I could get out of it. I'm hoping this visit will be better than the others, but am not counting on it. However, compared to all the stories here, I have nothing to complain about.

AOII Angel · #10 01-21-2014, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atrianglepi

My in-laws are CRAZY. My husband wants me to write a book on some of their comments, criticisms, etc. there are too many to list, but some of my favorites:When we were dating back in college, I was telling a story about a horrible car accident that my sister and I were in during High School. Future FIL says to me, " too bad you didn't die because then you would have never met son's name.

When my mother was dying of cancer, we had planned to spend Thanksgiving with her and my dad. My MIL said " I wish your mother would hurry up and die, so you can come here." My mother died in October, We spent the Holiday with my grieving Father.

All time best comment, I have fraternal twins. My son was born with red hair, his twin sister had no hair. One of my BILs is a redhead, MIL decided that since twin daughter did not look like her brother, she must have a different father. While biologically possible, it was not the case and my husband is indeed the father of both twins. She has made a point at every holiday giving twin daughter an "inferior" gift for all holidays because she still believes she is not her biological granddaughter. The twins are 19 and she is still holding on to her belief. Cuckoo! ETA : Twin daughter has lovely Auburn hair now.

You win the crazy Olympics!

KSUViolet06 · #11 07-31-2013, 06:06 PM

I am all for keeping it ladylike, but I would have been in jail if someone had said that about my mom.

ThetaPrincess24 · #12 07-31-2013, 06:25 PM

My mother-in-law REALLY needs to find some ways to occupy her time now that she is retired---volunteer work, paid part-time work, a hobby, a boyfriend, something. She is driving us nuts with her 4 time a week unannounced visits and poopy attitude when we are busy when she shows up. She has trouble with the fact we have lives and responsibilities and are not always able to entertain her bored ass.

We told her before she retired she needed to have a plan on what to do with her time. Father-in-law passed away in 2010.

Lovethesand · #13 07-31-2013, 07:22 PM

Both my inlaws have since passed away but my MIL was a piece of work. I guess a constant cocktail of prescription meds chased by alcohol all day long will do that to you.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, first grandchild on both sides and first girl on my husband's side in 5 generations, my MIL was very excited. Darling Debbie was induced early due to some minor complications and then sent home with the bililights due to jaundice. MIL was adamant that we bring Darling Debbie to see her immediately (5 hrs away). My husband said "no, mom, you come here". That ticked her off to no end. She called my work, talked to my co-workers, and asked why I was being so selfish. She called my husband one day and told him she was going to send me a dozen dead roses because I was such a selfish you know what. My husband proceeded to have quite the telephone conversation with her and finally hung up on her. When he hung up he said "If Darling Debbie ever talks to us the way I just talked to my mother I'll be disappointed but damn...she's crazy."

I just hope that crazy isn't genetic.

AOIIalum · #14 07-31-2013, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I am all for keeping it ladylike, but I would have been in jail if someone had said that about my mom.

I'd probably been in the cell next to you. My heart goes out to each and every one of you with in-law hell stories. I'm afraid I can't tell a one, but I have an idea that Mr. AOIIalum probably could tell a few about my terribly overprotective daddy.

WCsweet<3 · #15 08-01-2013, 11:17 AM

Found out last night that SIL is moving to where MIL lives with her boyfriend. We are leaving to visit MIL and the grandparents today. It was going to be a long visit before this news. Now it is going to be a constant "why aren't you moving here? It's her isn't it?" trip. I honestly can't see anything to redeem this trip.