In-law venting thread

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by groovypq

Trying to find a subtle way to get out of the annual family beach week because last year, with five adults in a tiny condo, I was losing my mind. Add another adult, a dog, and a baby and it's just going to be worse. While I appreciate the free place to stay (we can't afford a week down there ourselves), it's just too. much. The baby won't fit into "our" room and I am NOT leaving him/her in the living room, especially with a dog around! (speaking of dogs, they were going to buy us a dog when we moved into our new house. Without asking if we wanted one. I shot that down FAST.)

And now they're weirdly competitive with my parents - like miffed that my parents have been to our new house twice and they haven't been up here yet. Never mind it was six months after we moved that my parents got a chance to come up and the second time they came up was to haul up most of the gifts from my baby shower because there wasn't enough room in my car!

uggh, that sounds messy. Is there anyway your husband can take the lead in explaining to your (his) parents the length of time is too great?

I'd think his mom would buy into your adament position of not having the baby not in the room with you. I'm not a pet person at all so I completely feel the veto on life with the dogs. I'd be screaming from the rooftops, but appreciate your willingness to keep the peace.

As far as the parents visiting, it sounds like one set lives in the same city as you/hubby and the other set lives away? if so, what, logically, could the miffedness (made up word of the day) be based on?

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

As far as the parents visiting, it sounds like one set lives in the same city as you/hubby and the other set lives away? if so, what, logically, could the miffedness (made up word of the day) be based on?

Logic has nothing to do with it.

[groovypq]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

uggh, that sounds messy. Is there anyway your husband can take the lead in explaining to your (his) parents the length of time is too great?

I'd think his mom would buy into your adament position of not having the baby not in the room with you. I'm not a pet person at all so I completely feel the veto on life with the dogs. I'd be screaming from the rooftops, but appreciate your willingness to keep the peace.

As far as the parents visiting, it sounds like one set lives in the same city as you/hubby and the other set lives away? if so, what, logically, could the miffedness (made up word of the day) be based on?

Well, we lucked out, I suppose. He's not able to take vacation that week anyway (last man on the totem pole to choose vacation weeks and all August is snapped up).

Since that last post, the "competitiveness" has gotten worse. Both sets of parents live almost equal distance away - 3 for mine, 3.5 for his. So the miffedness (I like it!) is merely because my parents were here twice before they were. His mom is also now hurt that she wasn't "invited" to spend 3 weeks here after the baby was born like my mom was. MIL has all sons and just doesn't seem to realize that a woman and her mom have a certain bond over having a baby. My mom was here to help me - I'm a first time mom and this is a big adjustment! It's something you just learn from your own mom and you can't just "invite" someone else to do it.

We had both families up for our daughter's christening and my mom and sister helped me get the house ready and cook things the day before. Again, his mom was hurt over this - because apparently I'm supposed to have all of my guests clean my house for me the day before a party. :-p She sulked all through the party and she and FIL really ruined the day (the party at least. The baptism itself was beautiful).

Then she pissed me off by telling us how she'd told a friend of hers that our daughter is named after some random great-aunts in DH's family - she's not, she's named after my great-grandmother and we didn't even know about these great-aunts until we told ILs her name! She didn't even appreciate the fact that daughter's middle name is for her own mother, but she has to "steal" the first name?!

We haven't seen them since the baptism, which is fine by me. I feel like they drag my husband down with their guilt trips and constant negativity, and I don't want that for my daughter. I know I can't avoid them forever, but I'd like to try to mitigate the crazy.

Wow, that was quite a vent...

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by groovypq

His mom is also now hurt that she wasn't "invited" to spend 3 weeks here after the baby was born like my mom was. MIL has all sons and just doesn't seem to realize that a woman and her mom have a certain bond over having a baby. My mom was here to help me - I'm a first time mom and this is a big adjustment! It's something you just learn from your own mom and you can't just "invite" someone else to do it.

While it's true that a new mother and her mom have that bond, a new mother and her MIL can bond, too, especially if MIL had all sons and missed having a daughter. Not in the same way, of course, but definitely you could share a special time.
Maybe not for 3 weeks, but a few days, anyway. You can, believe it or not, learn things from your MIL...like how your husband likes his food, how he grew up...and your MIL is your child's grandmother. She deserves some time with the grandchild.
Maybe think about being quick to forgive, slow to anger??

ETA: Don't go to the beach, though!!!