What to tell overconfident PNMs

[DoctorD]

Originally Posted by clemsongirl

Having been a PNM recently with a legacy connection, although not an advisor, I think the phone call should go away entirely. I find it hypocritical that we tell parents to let their daughters get their own recommendations, not to helicopter, that on the university level information isn't given to parents unless they have a FERPA waiver from the student, etc, but that some sororities and chapters still tell the legacy relative about a recruitment decision that is ultimately not theirs. It should be the PNM's place to break that news however she chooses to do so, and I don't think the chapter needs to be involved in that process. I understand that the legacy relative is still a sister and it might not be easy news to take, but I think the PNM's right to conduct her own recruitment trumps the legacy's right to hear from that chapter.

More personally, the chapter making that call inserts them into what could be a potentially fraught relationship between the PNM and the legacy relative. Just because mom was willing to write a legacy recommendation doesn't mean mom and daughter are necessarily on good terms, and the chapter letting mom know what happened could strain that relationship further. We just don't know.

The phone call has gone away with Alpha Gamma Delta, largely for the reasons you have stated.

[FSUZeta]

Knowing sorority sisters who received "the call" about their legacies being released, I can tell you it does not soften the blow. Whether or not the legacy joins another group or remains independent, the wound never completely heals.

And I've got a story for you: I was recruitment advisor for a chapter that received a glowing rec for the sister of a Zeta who was a member of a different chapter. When the legacy showed up on the party list, we got the best rushers prepped to help the PNM have a great experience. Boy were we surprised when the legacy walked in and we discovered that she was a married mother of two in her late 20s! The campus culture is such that she did not fit the standard new member mold, nor did she meet our national membership requirements and she was released. The national policy did not require that anyone call the rec writer, but she called around and I was told by the district officer to give her a call, which I did. Turns out that the PNM was not even a real sister, but rather a dear friend with whom the rec writer had grown up, and they always referred to themselves as sisters! So I got the opportunity to gently educate the woman on our legacy policy, as well as the cultures of the campuses in the state in regards to late 20 aged PNMs.

[AZTheta]

Hey DGTess! Pretty sure this has been answered elsewhere on GC & I am searching for it now. "It" being the threads about legacies and math/quota/etc. I could write you a dissertation in response to your questions. However there are others who are more succinct and I'm leaving it in their hands!

[shadokat]

Bad advisor here...because it the chapter I advise wants to cut a legacy, I tell them that the recruitment chair will make the call to mom/grandmom, etc. It forces the women to think long and hard about the legacy because we've all heard the "she just doesn't fit" our chapter.

[1964Alum]

Chi Omega also has enough legacies at some schools for 2-3 pledge classes. Our legacies now are only daughters and sisters of Chi Os.

[ARKTTKA]

Originally Posted by 1964Alum

Chi Omega also has enough legacies at some schools for 2-3 pledge classes. Our legacies now are only daughters and sisters of Chi Os.

Definitely the case at Arkansas - Hoot Psi

[BlueCarnation]

When I was cut from my (grandmother's) legacy sorority, they called my Grandfather --presumably because he gave money to the organization every year and she had passed away many years earlier. This, to me, was odd. I was fine with being cut--I knew I would be--and he was fine with me being cut. I would assume they had been told they had to call him, because it was not my Grandmother's chapter and I certainly didn't write anything other than her name and affiliation on my form. And this wasn't even the South!

As a collegiate, I dealt with with some very irate parents. We had two chapters on our campus that appealed to a very specific group of girls and we often had 3 times as many legacies from those chapters as could fit in a pledge class. It happens all over.

[phoenix16]

Several things (I spent the last hour reading through the thread):
My chapter in a large Greek system is considered "undesirable" by PNMs and we often get ones who feel that it is beneath them to even talk to us for a short period of time. We have had some PNMs bring sisters to tears. It can get nasty.

The stories about PNMs lacking discretion also hits home, because we have a long lunch break during most days of recruitment and as a winter recruitment school, we often don't have our letters visible. Groups of us will go out for lunch (I often run into friends in other chapters) but the PNMs are out too. I have heard some terrible statements about chapters, both mine and others, while the PNM was surrounded by actives! During the actual rounds, we had one PNM say she was passionate about starting a "fat camp." We thought this was a ploy for her to get out of visiting our chapter again, but apparently she told every chapter this! She was serious! I don't know what happened to her, but I imagine it offended many of the chapters.

Final comment, we had a legacy issue because someone did not want to make the phone call to her relative. She was downright strange, but she was not released because of the phone call. In the end, she caused a lot of hurt and tension in the chapter, so now phone calls are considered if necessary.

[navane]

Gamma Phi Beta's policy on legacies is public information:

https://www.gammaphibeta.org/members.../legacy-policy


We leave it to the PNM to make the notification to her legacy-maker. I also like the way the whole policy is worded - it is clear, cautious and supportive of the PNM.

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by navane

Gamma Phi Beta's policy on legacies is public information:

https://www.gammaphibeta.org/members.../legacy-policy


We leave it to the PNM to make the notification to her legacy-maker. I also like the way the whole policy is worded - it is clear, cautious and supportive of the PNM.

I just love the backdrop picture of the 4 generations of sisters. I've seen several Convention pictures of the first 3 generations of this family, and now there are two new members in the 4th generation! Of course, this kind of makes the thought of a legacy being released even sadder...

We've had this policy "PNM self-notification" policy for as long as I can remember. I agree with it.

[ZTA72]

My girls preffed at ZTA but joined another group at FSU. I told them to follow their hearts.
That is a most beautiful picture of a family legacy.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

We've had this policy "PNM self-notification" policy for as long as I can remember. I agree with it.

It's nice that it's clearly stated in the legacy policy. I'm sure there are still some irate mothers and grandmothers from time to time, but at least you can point them to this.

[AOIIalum]

Originally Posted by navane

Gamma Phi Beta's policy on legacies is public information:

https://www.gammaphibeta.org/members.../legacy-policy

Many kudos to Gamma Phi Beta, well done!

Alpha Omicron Pi's legacy policy is also available on our website. Yes, we still "make the call". Sisters/daughters/granddaughters are all considered legacies, and we also specify that step and adopted sisters/daughters/granddaughters are as well. Not sure how many other NPCs include the step and adopted language? https://www.alphaomicronpi.org/exper...aoii-legacies/

[clemsongirl]

If anyone wants to read ADPi's policy it is also public: https://www.alphadeltapi.org/files/1...troduction.pdf

[Titchou]

This is Delta Gamma's:

A legacy is a great-granddaughter, granddaughter, daughter, sister or the same step-relation of a Delta Gamma member. Delta Gamma legacies receive special consideration in recruitment, as they already have a connection with Delta Gamma.
Delta Gammas wishing to let a chapter know about her legacy should complete a Sponsor Form. The sponsor can choose to be notified during recruitment if her legacy is not returning to a Delta Gamma recruitment event by voluntarily including contact information on the form.