Open Letter V

[Confucius]

Dear Bionic Ears:

I am so glad that my desk was moved away from you. Let me count the reasons:

1) Now I can go to lunch without you looking at your watch when I leave.

2)I no longer have to worry about when I return to lunch and your punk tail saying, "So, where did you go for lunch?," so that the entire office, including my boss can hear.

3)No longer do I have to fear you repeating my phone calls to the entire office on my vacation day.

4) I think you are a prick and no matter how much you kiss our bosses behind, we all know that you are prick!

Sincerly,

The cowoker that does not have to kiss the boss's behind and YES, I am still better than you--->Thought you knew!!

[Steeltrap]

To Bill Maher: Why are you cohabiting with someone who looks like she stepped off Curb B**** Boulevard? And why did she sue you for palimony?

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by Steeltrap
To Bill Maher: Why are you cohabiting with someone who looks like she stepped off Curb B**** Boulevard? And why did she sue you for palimony?

Why does she look like a contestant on He's A Lady? I thought that was a man at first~

[ykimber]

To the receptionist at my daughter ENT doctor's office:
You know you were really close to having me smack the shizzle out of you today. I know for sure my daughter's appointment was at 2:30 and not 2pm. How dare you get an attitude and tell me "your late". Bizzle I almost had to show my true colors, which I only do when someone has truly pissed me off. However, I realized you have some sort of disorder and it would just be wrong for me to whomp on you if you are mentally ill!!!

[DIVINEeyeAM]

To RSB: Thank you JESUS I only have 2 more weeks to work with you people! I'm the ONLY minority and you STILL HAVE YET to "diversify the workplace" as I was told back in December! (If 8 people have quit in 4 months, and ALL CAUCASIANS are hired, that is NOT making the workplace more diverse) I guess you all can't wait until I leave! Then it will be one big happy WHITE family!

To "Mrs. culture shock" : ALL AFRICAN AMERICANS do not speak broken english and act ignorant! All African Americans DO NOT snap on you when you piss them off (although you've had it coming for awhile now!) How dare you ask me of I put weave in my hair when I wore it straight! How dare you ask me where I shop for clothes and when I tell you anywhere from Marshalls to Nordstroms, Marshall Fields, etc. you roll your eyes at me! (do not HATE because I dress very sophisticated and PROFESSIONAL. WE work at a bank! Wearing the top that you are going to wear to the club and some dress slacks DOES NOT constitute professional clothing! (and if you look at me funny one more time because "I'm always dressed in suits" as you say, you WILL feel my wrath!)

To Mr. Snag-a-tooth Tollbooth Man: How DARE YOU come up to the car and accuse me of not paying the toll when you saw me with your own 2 eyes! WHY would you try to HOLD A CONVERSATION with me as if there aren't 20 cars behind me waiting to pay their toll money! WHY did you NOT just let up the gate and go on about your way! WHY, better yet, WHAT makes you THINK that I would give you my number??? (I pray that the next time that happens, you don't get run over by someone)


To all of my "supposed" friends in IL: You "say" that you will miss me when I leave Thanksgiving Day. Well what I find soo funny is that you will miss me when I'm GONE, but while I'm here, I barely get a phone call! The only time you call or see me is when you basically have nothing else to do. (some friends you are) *I just pray the individuals in Texas aren't as bad as you all!*

General: IF I hear one more person say that I lok like Eve, I am going to scream and after I am done screaming, go get an estimation for plastic surgery!

[DIVINEeyeAM]

* I have ALOT that is going on right now!*

To LaShawn F: Thank you for the gift card. I didn't expect any gift at all really. I mean I WAS a volunteer, and I did what I was supposed to (unlike other individuals who just HAD to be nosy and listen to the meeting with Danny Davis) I appreciate your thoughtfulness and believe me, this gift card will be used wisely!


To all of the men who like to stare women in the face: WHO told YOU that staring someone down would make them iterested in you! If you want to speak, speak! If not, take a glance and keep going! Staring will only scare us away fellas!

To the White men who think they have game: When you approach a sista, it is not, I REPEAT, IT IS NOT a good idea to quote a line off of some ALL AMERICAN movie that you have watched 50,000 times or use a line that you have heard some celebrity or rapper quote! If you try to use your car as bait, at least be in a nice one! A Ford ESCORT is not going to turn heads sweetie!

To Mr Army Man: I don't know HOW my cell number appeared on your phone! I have NEVER in my life called you! I SHOULD NOT have to reiterate that fact a million times! If you called me 3 days ago to find out, DON'T call me today asking if I found out how my number appeared on your phone! WHY in the world would you start a conversation with me??? I don't care about your age and your past history! Get off the phone and find Osama dog goneit!

[strivingsf]

KM :What you did to my brother was really foul. When I found out I wanted to drive down to __ to kick your A@$. But it's not worth it. You knew what his situation was before you got involved, IT WAS YOUR CHOICE to continue in the relationship. I really thought you were the one for him and I would talk u up to him. Whether you knew it or not he was making arrangements to marry you. There is nothing you can say to me now. You hurt him and our family very deeply and I am GLAD he told your soror's and his frat what you did. You were there when BG was ill and hospitalized, you were there when FRG died.
We always included you when we had get togethers so all of the family would get to know you. We all learned a lesson. So "NO" i am not going to answer your emails. I deleted you from my address book.

MMc: : I always wanted an older sister, so when we became friends and then sisters I was so HAPPY, there were times when I felt you treated me like a step sister, but I know there were things going on in your life. I do remember the Valentine's Day when you gave me the gold hoop earrings. That was a surprise. Then the issue with IHG came up and you were not there for me. We I approached you in Jan '03 and we had that talk you never said anything and you just walked away from me. I tried many times to ask forgiveness for the WAY i approached you but to no avail.

[CrimsonTide4]

Dear One Legged Former Stepfather,

STEP OFF!!!

XOXO,
Carla


P.S. Call my mama one more time and Imma "Dead Presidents" you when I come home in 2 weeks.

[Ideal08]

To the Franklin County Board of Elections:

You all are without a doubt the most sorry bamas ever. EVER. Y'all sorry. You played me on my absentee ballot THEN I get an email thanking me for voting??? so you got my email address from my request for the absentee ballot, huh? BUT YOU DIDN'T SEND ME MY BALLOT???? Then you send me an email to let me know you got my request. BOOOOOOOOOOO LOSERS!!!! You all are THE worst!!!

[Confucius]

Originally posted by DIVINEeyeAM

To Mr. Snag-a-tooth Tollbooth Man: How DARE YOU come up to the car and accuse me of not paying the toll when you saw me with your own 2 eyes! WHY would you try to HOLD A CONVERSATION with me as if there aren't 20 cars behind me waiting to pay their toll money! WHY did you NOT just let up the gate and go on about your way! WHY, better yet, WHAT makes you THINK that I would give you my number??? (I pray that the next time that happens, you don't get run over by someone)


General: IF I hear one more person say that I lok like Eve, I am going to scream and after I am done screaming, go get an estimation for plastic surgery!

Tollbooth man is bold

Oh yeah, DIVINEeyeAM, you kinda look like Eve!!

[Confucius]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
To the BAMA AZZ Bus driver: You are SORRY!! I cannot believe your bama azz had the AIR on yesterday in a charter bus in NOVEMBER!! It is against the LAW to run A/c when it is 40 degrees. I am a member of the Fashion Police which includes hair, nails, makeup, accessories, and shoes. I am now the HEAD of The Negroes Against A/C past October 15 unless it is 80 degrees OUTSIDE Task Force. If I get sick, I will find yo azzzz and BUST YOU in the head with a box of Tylenol Flu and my used tissues. BAMA AZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

To the BAMA who tried to tell me the heat was on yesterday: SCREW YOU!! I know the air was on and everyone else did too, but I was the most vocal about it because my EARS were FREEZING. I cannot afford to get sick right now with a new job!! You were WARM because you had been drinking since 8 yesterday morning. Your stomach should have been a BUBBLING OASIS of ALCOHOL and KRISPY KREME donuts. You get a fashion police ticket for being a 30+ year old man wearing your hat that way.

To the makeup artist: You turned out to be pretty cool but a 47 year old woman should NOT wear leopard pants. You claim to be fashion police as well, but NO ONE in my department EVA EVA EVA wears leopard print pants. EVA!!!!!!!!!! Oh and your makeup quite honestly was horrendous, but thanks for telling me that I had great skin and did not need makeup. Oh and another thing, if you would not have been nice to Mr. J.F. Bug a Boo, he and his retaaaaaaaahded girlfriend would not have kept coming back.

To Mr. J. F. Bug A Boo: The first encounter was low key cool. Although I hate drunk, overly talkative white folks. Then you really killed it when you said my eyes are just like Tiger Woods. MOFO PLEASE!! That is like me saying you remind me of Boris Kodjoe. When will white folks learn to just be yourselves but if you see someone has lost interest in you, GO AWAY!!! I knew you had a thing for sistas but boo it ain't happening here. If I was to ever go THAT WAY, it would be for a NIIIIIIICE looking white man. JBH. EDITED TO ADD: I was more upset that this man assumed that he could just talk any kind of way to Black women. We did not need to hear all of the sexual talk. Once you figured out that I did not like you, you could have changed my impression of you by stop calling me Tiger Woods. You were overly obnoxious and tried too hard. Just relax. Even that woman at the bar knew you were an ass and she had not had a conversation with you all. Relax.

To Reefus and Ceefus on the ship yesterday: You get about 15 fashion police citations. Reefus, you get 3 for the jheri curl. 2 because it had HANG TIME!! Ceefus, you get 5 for those finger waves!! Reefus, back to you, that burgundy leisure suit trimmed in white took the cake from the back until you turned around and I saw your initials embroidered on your leisure suit. HAAAAAAAAAAAATED IT. You looked like a broke down and I do mean BROKE DOWN pimp minus the cane and hat.

To K: Girl you thought you were the ISHT yesterday with your need to be redone micros, "silk" poncho, jeans, and boots. But when I saw your doorknkocker earrings with YOUR FFFFFFFing name in them, I had to hold myself back from not knocking your azz down and taking those earrinhs out of your ears and throwing them out on to the Atlantic Ocean. For the earrings alone which are very much 1989, you get 5 citations. Couple that with your baby girl belt and I am afraid you need to do some jail time.

To my seat partner: I was working on 4 hours of sleep and TOLD YOU that when we got on that bus, I was going to sleep. I cannot and do not converse when I am sleep. WHY DID YOU KEEP trying to talk to me? Damn you!!! You had the pillow and the blanket, you obviously wanted to sleep. We could have gotten to know each other on the 5 hour casino cruise. When I am missing sleep or folks keep SLEEP BLOCKING, I get cranky. Next time pick up on my body language better.

To myself: No more bus rides with the Negroes. Although the Krispy Kreme donuts were nice, I cannot tolerate Negroes turning the volume up sky high on White Chicks. I cannot tolerate folks who are just blah blah voices in the crowd talking on a microphone saying NADA DAYUM THANG.

To the woman who served us the buffet yesterday: I would have overlooked your fingerwaves if you had given me 2 pieces of chicken. STINGY HEFFA!!

To the bartender: Just because I was not gambling then does not mean you give me a watered flavor of Amaretto Sour. Take yo azz back to bartending school. BARTENDING BAMA!!

To the folks who thought up the buffet: Learn how to cook. Those burgers looked like squirrel meat or some isht that was NOT COW!!!

To the folks who looked like they had been on the boat HOURS before it took off from the dock: You all need to get some hobbies that don't involve sitting on a stool for 3 hours pulling down the slot machine lever.

I am going flatline, right about now ____________________________________LMAO!!!!!!

[CrimsonTide4]

To the lady I saw at Wal Mart today: No. you. did. not. have. a. big. azz. hickey. on. your. neck.

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
To the lady I saw at Wal Mart today: No. you. did. not. have. a. big. azz. hickey. on. your. neck.

Maybe it was a curling iron burn?

did that sorry excuse every work? lololol

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974


Maybe it was a curling iron burn?

did that sorry excuse every work? lololol

Nope this thing was straight up passion mark!!

[TonyB06]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
To the lady I saw at Wal Mart today: No. you. did. not. have. a. big. azz. hickey. on. your. neck.

...looks like ole girl just had a good weekend. what?