DARK/LIGHT...SKIN COLOR.........Is this still an issue? Let's be honest Sorors & SF'

[christiangirl]

Quick disclaimer: I know this thread went out a month ago, but I needed to rant and FINALLY had the sense to do a search before I started a new topic.

I have a non-traditional problem with my skin color and I've been having it(literally) since the day I was born. My parents and sister are significantly darker than I am, so no one ever believes I'm really a part of my family. The day I was born, my mother's white coworker came to the hospital and the staff assumed she was my grandmother as a way of explaining my color despite my parents'. I've heard everything from "Your momma must've been creepin'" to "I didn't know you were adopted!" But's that's just scratching the surface. My real problem is that I have been complimented for being soooo pretty and soooo smart for as long as I can remember--because I'm light. That may not seem like a problem, but it's the start of one. This makes, NOT WHITE PEOPLE OR EVEN BROTHERS hate on me, but my beautifully dark-skinned counterparts.

Darker skinned women often celebrate themselves in a rebuttal to the madness, and rightfully so! This world is full of "Black is beautiful" type slogans. However, when I jump on the bandwagon and agree with such statements, nearly every darker woman has verbally slapped me in the face. I've been told numerous times that I already get praise for being light because looking closer to white is what's celebrated and I should be satisfied with that. Now, I'm trying to steal the thunder away from the REAL nubian queens and I'm just being "greedy" and an "attention hog." So what am I supposed to do?? Many of my darker skinned sisters accuse me of trying to "pass" because of the way that I speak and dress and that I need to "act more black." But that many more tell me I'm not one of them and "need to go back to the rest of the white people."

[mccoyred]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Quick disclaimer: I know this thread went out a month ago, but I needed to rant and FINALLY had the sense to do a search before I started a new topic.

I have a non-traditional problem with my skin color and I've been having it(literally) since the day I was born. My parents and sister are significantly darker than I am, so no one ever believes I'm really a part of my family. The day I was born, my mother's white coworker came to the hospital and the staff assumed she was my grandmother as a way of explaining my color despite my parents'. I've heard everything from "Your momma must've been creepin'" to "I didn't know you were adopted!" But's that's just scratching the surface. My real problem is that I have been complimented for being soooo pretty and soooo smart for as long as I can remember--because I'm light. That may not seem like a problem, but it's the start of one. This makes, NOT WHITE PEOPLE OR EVEN BROTHERS hate on me, but my beautifully dark-skinned counterparts.

Darker skinned women often celebrate themselves in a rebuttal to the madness, and rightfully so! This world is full of "Black is beautiful" type slogans. However, when I jump on the bandwagon and agree with such statements, nearly every darker woman has verbally slapped me in the face. I've been told numerous times that I already get praise for being light because looking closer to white is what's celebrated and I should be satisfied with that. Now, I'm trying to steal the thunder away from the REAL nubian queens and I'm just being "greedy" and an "attention hog." So what am I supposed to do?? Many of my darker skinned sisters accuse me of trying to "pass" because of the way that I speak and dress and that I need to "act more black." But that many more tell me I'm not one of them and "need to go back to the rest of the white people."

I don't think this is a non-traditional skin color issue. Given that Black folks, particularly here in America, possess the broadest range of skin tones, those on either end of the spectrum have their issues to deal with.

I am dark brown and my cousin with whom I grew up with and is like a sister to me is very light (mixed race), therefore between us, we experienced the whole gamut of color issues. Mine were not worse than hers and hers were not more horrible than mine; we just had to deal.

[Dionysus]

I have never a victim of the skin color issue, and I hope it never happens. I do know of those who have though, but not many. Growing up, I got isht from blacks because of other things. Could this be a geographical thing? Or, a generational thing? I see dark and light skinned people my age getting along with each other pretty well. But I know many people in my grandparents generation that quite colorstruck, even blatantly at times.

[prettybreak1908]

Yes, the Color Complex is still a issue in the Black community although it is often ignored. I was a victim of the complex and I think that it has made me into the person I am now.

I am doing summer research about the Color Complex and college student's perceptions of it. I am doing it from both a historical and sociological view. I am examining how slavery had a lot to do with the discrimination within the Black community. I am excited about doing the research.

[mccoyred]

Originally Posted by prettybreak1908

Yes, the Color Complex is still a issue in the Black community although it is often ignored. I was a victim of the complex and I think that it has made me into the person I am now.

I am doing summer research about the Color Complex and college student's perceptions of it. I am doing it from both a historical and sociological view. I am examining how slavery had a lot to do with the discrimination within the Black community. I am excited about doing the research.

Please share your results. I know many of us would be interested in your conclusions.

[lovelyivy84]

I guess the only way to respond is...well I dunno, I'd say take it as it's meant. On the one hand, you clearly have a lot of compassion for women who have been discriminated against because of their dark skin, and that's commendable.

How are you expressing this to them would be my main question. A lot of times expressions of sympathy can come across as condescending (ever had a white person tell you that they're really "down"- you know what I mean). It could be that is how it comes across sometimes, but you seem pretty clear in your meaning so I wonder.

Regardless of how you express yourself, it is NEVER ok for someone to disrespect you. If they get too high and mighty then tell them to back off. Being sympathetic is one thing- being a doormat is another.

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Quick disclaimer: I know this thread went out a month ago, but I needed to rant and FINALLY had the sense to do a search before I started a new topic.

I have a non-traditional problem with my skin color and I've been having it(literally) since the day I was born. My parents and sister are significantly darker than I am, so no one ever believes I'm really a part of my family. The day I was born, my mother's white coworker came to the hospital and the staff assumed she was my grandmother as a way of explaining my color despite my parents'. I've heard everything from "Your momma must've been creepin'" to "I didn't know you were adopted!" But's that's just scratching the surface. My real problem is that I have been complimented for being soooo pretty and soooo smart for as long as I can remember--because I'm light. That may not seem like a problem, but it's the start of one. This makes, NOT WHITE PEOPLE OR EVEN BROTHERS hate on me, but my beautifully dark-skinned counterparts.

Darker skinned women often celebrate themselves in a rebuttal to the madness, and rightfully so! This world is full of "Black is beautiful" type slogans. However, when I jump on the bandwagon and agree with such statements, nearly every darker woman has verbally slapped me in the face. I've been told numerous times that I already get praise for being light because looking closer to white is what's celebrated and I should be satisfied with that. Now, I'm trying to steal the thunder away from the REAL nubian queens and I'm just being "greedy" and an "attention hog." So what am I supposed to do?? Many of my darker skinned sisters accuse me of trying to "pass" because of the way that I speak and dress and that I need to "act more black." But that many more tell me I'm not one of them and "need to go back to the rest of the white people."

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by lovelyivy84

How are you expressing this to them would be my main question. A lot of times expressions of sympathy can come across as condescending (ever had a white person tell you that they're really "down"- you know what I mean). It could be that is how it comes across sometimes, but you seem pretty clear in your meaning so I wonder.

I get what you mean. I don't know; what I say is often taken a different way than I meant it (more sarcastically or meanly--I'm just one of those people ). But when someone says, "Nubian queens are beautiful" and I say "Yes, we are!" women just stare at me like a white girl said it! They say I'm trying to get praise for looking white AND being black, which couldn't be further from the truth. I don't look white IMO and I'm not mixed, just very light. I don't know why and I can't control it. So why tell me I'm stuck up and think I'm better than everyone else? Since when do you know what I think about myself over a physical trait that I can't control? And why expect me to be flattered over compliments which are really just the opposite? You know, I worked my butt off, going to school full-time, working full-time, and STILL got straight As. So when someone tells me I "look intelligent" because I "look white" and ignores everything else I just did.... I spent an entire childhood never getting to interact with people of my own color except for my family or church members. So when I came to a black college, I was excited to learn my history, to be with my own people. Then I got here and, for 4 years, have dealt with being told I don't belong. It's not everyone, but it's enough.

As far as the other thing about the skin color of sorority members...I'll say this. I'm one of the lightest girls in my class. I was asked whether I'm an AKA probably once a week after I got to college and, once people started to know me, maybe once every couple months. Several times, people have admitted that my skin was the only clue they had to go on and still made the assumption. I can't express HOW FREQUENT AND IN HOW MANY WAYS THIS ASSUMPTION IS MADE ABOUT ME. I mean, COME ON, a freshman walked up to me on campus last year and expressed interest to me!!! I have mad respect for the org, but why does A have to equal B? Can I just be me? Is that okay with everybody?

The puzzling part is, it's not just the way I look--several GCers have PMed me asking if I'm an AKA (always either members of other orgs or a nonmember). So if it's possible that women who look white "talk white"...since people have made it up in their minds that there's a way to "look like an AKA" is there a way to "talk/type" like one? Because this stereotype is ridiculous...if I were darker, I bet I wouldn't be getting corned by freshmen.

[RedefinedDiva]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

I mean, COME ON, a freshman walked up to me on campus last year and expressed interest to me!!!

The puzzling part is, it's not just the way I look--several GCers have PMed me asking if I'm an AKA (always either members of other orgs or a nonmember). So if it's possible that women who look white "talk white"...since people have made it up in their minds that there's a way to "look like an AKA" is there a way to "talk/type" like one?

Don't get it twisted. No one is PMing you to inquire about your membership in my Sorority because of your grammer usage. They are probably PMing you because you often swerve out of your lane and speak on matters that you probably shouldn't comment on, hence "the way to 'talk/type like one." You do the math.

[unspokenone25]

^^
Word.

[lovelyivy84]

Originally Posted by RedefinedDiva

Don't get it twisted. No one is PMing you to inquire about your membership in my Sorority because of your grammer usage. They are probably PMing you because you often swerve out of your lane and speak on matters that you probably shouldn't comment on, hence "the way to 'talk/type like one." You do the math.

Well that answers my questions on how the poster might be coming across right there. Oh dear.

[pinkies up]

[/QUOTE]...if I were darker, I bet I wouldn't be getting corned by freshmen. [/QUOTE]

You do know AKA's come in all colors.

[SummerChild]

Ha! Soror RD holding it down as usual.
I'm out. LOL.
SC

Originally Posted by RedefinedDiva

Don't get it twisted. No one is PMing you to inquire about your membership in my Sorority because of your grammer usage. They are probably PMing you because you often swerve out of your lane and speak on matters that you probably shouldn't comment on, hence "the way to 'talk/type like one." You do the math.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by RedefinedDiva

They are probably PMing you because you often swerve out of your lane and speak on matters that you probably shouldn't comment on, hence "the way to 'talk/type like one." You do the math.

If you'd like to PM me with examples of commenting on things that I shouldn't, I'd like to see them, b/c I don't think I've done that intentionally or even unintentionally often enough to merit people asking. I never meant to disrespect anyone. I was highlighting how dumb inferences like that are. Like I said, I have mad respect for the org, but I'm not a part of it and don't see why anyone would think I am, including the implication that I would be mistaken for an AKA because I comment on things that I shouldn't. I'm not being glib, I'm totally for real on this--I'm not saying what you said is not true, I'm saying I don't see it and if you or anyone else thinks I've overstepped, please let me know in what way. I never meant to offend anyone, AKA or otherwise.

Originally Posted by pinkies up

You do know AKA's come in all colors.

Yes, I know that. That was sarcasm, making light of how stupid and untrue these stereotypes are. I thought the would make it plain that I wasn't being serious.

[christiangirl]

prettybreak1908--one of my classmates did a study on Black college students and how they feel about skin color. The majority of men were more likely to date a light sister than a darker one and the majority of women didn't have a preference. There were other factors measured; I can tell you more about it if you're interested.

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by prettybreak1908

Yes, the Color Complex is still a issue in the Black community although it is often ignored. I was a victim of the complex and I think that it has made me into the person I am now.

Ditto! it is still an issue in my extended family--especially among the older folks

I would love to see your research too