How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by atrianglepi

I am a newby to Greek Chat, but this thread is right up my alley. I have a daughter who will be going through recruitment at an SEC school in a few weeks. She is a multi-generational legacy. That being said, I have NO pre-conceived notions that she will join the atrianglepi's. I remember seeing something in my Adelphean a few years back about legacies not being guaranteed a bid due to numbers. I have explained this to my daughter and have told her that if she gets a bid to any chapter, I will be happy for her and that I hope she has the same wonderful experience I had/have with my chapter. I saw the facebook thing and laughed. People read your Alumni Magazine!

Best of luck to little atrianglepi! Please keep us posted!

FWIW, I've told the story often, but in the late 70's, my chapter was forced to bid a five-generation legacy. She really didn't want to go greek at all, and did the very least she could, including getting inititated at Convention and then changing schools.

I would be willing to bet that is one of the reasons some legacies are being ignored; they don't want to be there. Rather than mandate that all legacies must be on the Bid List, it's better to bid a woman with a great background and is happy to accept that bid!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by honeychile

I would be willing to bet that is one of the reasons some legacies are being ignored; they don't want to be there.

This happens too.

Now i'm not saying that EVERY legacy acts this way, but I think sometimes parents don't get that they weren't THERE to see how their child acted at their legacy houses' party.

Sometimes, legacies don't WANT an invite. So they act accordingly.

Not saying they are outright bitchy, but some of them have at look of "don't want to be here" going on, and they're just obviously uninterested.

So they get cut, and mom is wondering how on Earth it happened, not realizing that her kid didn't want to go XYZ in the first place.

She obviously doesn't want to cut XYZ (mom would be upset) so she just gets cut herself. She'd also rather be cut than tell mom she's not interested.

I think our policies are in place so that we don't have to bid THAT legacy and she can seek out opportunities elsewhere.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This happens too.

Now i'm not saying that EVERY legacy acts this way, but I think sometimes parents don't get that they weren't THERE to see how their child acted at their legacy houses' party.

Sometimes, legacies don't WANT an invite. So they act accordingly.

Not saying they are outright bitchy, but some of them have at look of "don't want to be here" going on, and they're just obviously uninterested.

So they get cut, and mom is wondering how on Earth it happened, not realizing that her kid didn't want to go XYZ in the first place.

She obviously doesn't want to cut XYZ (mom would be upset) so she just gets cut herself. She'd also rather be cut than tell mom she's not interested.

I think our policies are in place so that we don't have to bid THAT legacy and she can seek out opportunities elsewhere.

You know, I had a legacy sit down with me a pref one year and ask my, "Why should I pledge AOII? Just because my mom was an AOII?" She said it with such an attitude that it really put me off. At that point I told her, "Look, if you don't want to be here, don't put us on your bid list, because if I see you coming down my hallway tomorrow, it better be because you want to be there." By the time pref came around, I wasn't going to play that game.

[SWTXBelle]

I guess I'm lucky - my youngest will be going through recruitment in a year, but at a campus which doesn't have my sorority. It doesn't have her paternal grandmother's (Pi Phi), but it does have Chi Omega, her step-grandmother's. I really, really just want her to pledge any of the fine groups on the campus. My only inclination towards Chi Omega is because I would love for my mother-in-law's beautiful 70 year old badge to be worn! Honestly, I am so active in my alumnae panhellenic that I will welcome the opportunity to share sorority membership with her with ANY group.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

You know, I had a legacy sit down with me a pref one year and ask my, "Why should I pledge AOII? Just because my mom was an AOII?" She said it with such an attitude that it really put me off. At that point I told her, "Look, if you don't want to be here, don't put us on your bid list, because if I see you coming down my hallway tomorrow, it better be because you want to be there." By the time pref came around, I wasn't going to play that game.

Good for you!

[KSUViolet06]

^^^That's sad.

Your daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life and hers. Why damage that relationship over sorority recruitment? It has to feel awful when your mom refuses to attend those things.

What does all of this solve really? I mean, you could make her so miserable that she decides to just quit her chapter. But she's still not an XYZ AND she is resentful of you for making her feel so terribly. Not worth it.

[atrianglepi]

On the topic of legacy status, my daughter is a member of a facebook group for girls interested in recruitment at her school. She is out of town(no computer access) and ask me to check to see if anything new has been posted regarding recruitment. Girls questions are answered by 2 collegians who are in charge of recruitment. Anyway, there was a question today regarding how far you get in the recruitment process if you are a legacy. The girl asking the question was under the impression you got asked back to the 2nd or 3rd party if you were a legacy. I can't wait to see what the response from the collegian is! BTW these girls are being told RECs are not necessary. (this is an SEC school)

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by atrianglepi

BTW these girls are being told RECs are not necessary. (this is an SEC school)

Eeeeeeeek.

That is so sad.

I seriously wonder why the girls don't just message the PNMs or something and tell them "the official policy says no, but trust me, you need them?"

Yes, it's against policy, but I'd rather PNMs know the truth (even if they have to get it in a FB msg.)

[exlurker]

Originally Posted by atrianglepi

On the topic of legacy status, my daughter is a member of a facebook group for girls interested in recruitment at her school. She is out of town(no computer access) and ask me to check to see if anything new has been posted regarding recruitment. Girls questions are answered by 2 collegians who are in charge of recruitment. Anyway, there was a question today regarding how far you get in the recruitment process if you are a legacy. The girl asking the question was under the impression you got asked back to the 2nd or 3rd party if you were a legacy. I can't wait to see what the response from the collegian is! BTW these girls are being told RECs are not necessary. (this is an SEC school)

Oh lordy lord.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by atrianglepi

On the topic of legacy status, my daughter is a member of a facebook group for girls interested in recruitment at her school. She is out of town(no computer access) and ask me to check to see if anything new has been posted regarding recruitment. Girls questions are answered by 2 collegians who are in charge of recruitment. Anyway, there was a question today regarding how far you get in the recruitment process if you are a legacy. The girl asking the question was under the impression you got asked back to the 2nd or 3rd party if you were a legacy. I can't wait to see what the response from the collegian is! BTW these girls are being told RECs are not necessary. (this is an SEC school)

Please tell me the name of this group and I will go to FB NOW and tell them GET RECS ASAP.

See, isht like that makes me think they are trying to keep out the Northerners and first generation Greeks who don't know any better and of course the quintuple legacies from Desirable Southern City know better and will have multiple recs in order. It's one thing to not put it on a website - but on a FB group??

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by 33girl

See, isht like that makes me think they are trying to keep out the Northerners and first generation Greeks who don't know any better and of course the quintuple legacies from Desirable Southern City know better and will have multiple recs in order. It's one thing to not put it on a website - but on a FB group??

What's worse is that most of it comes from an effort to be more "inclusive." They want it to be more "Don't worry clueless yankee, YOU TOO can be Greek, forget about recs - you don't even know what they are, and that's OK, because it is the sororities' responsibility to get them for you!" But it really turns into the fastest way to sabotage a recruitment. They would achieve the inclusiveness they were looking for if they were realistic and up front about the issue.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by Gusteau

What's worse is that most of it comes from an effort to be more "inclusive." They want it to be more "Don't worry clueless yankee, YOU TOO can be Greek, forget about recs - you don't even know what they are, and that's OK, because it is the sororities' responsibility to get them for you!" But it really turns into the fastest way to sabotage a recruitment. They would achieve the inclusiveness they were looking for if they were realistic and up front about the issue.

It's not that sinister! It's more like nobody (in Panhellenic) has actually read the material in several years. Or has authority to correct it.

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

It's not that sinister! It's more like nobody (in Panhellenic) has actually read the material in several years. Or has authority to correct it.

Well I don't thinks it's sinister, but rather a misguided attempt to equalize the playing field.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Please tell me the name of this group and I will go to FB NOW and tell them GET RECS ASAP.

If you did, the sorority members would probably just deny it (or say you don't know what you're talking) about because they know it's against policy to say it's true.

[33girl]

As much as I hate to bring up this site, does anyone know if College C0nf!dential is debunking this bunk?

It might be beneficial to have the straight dope on Fwap Fwap Central. Then again, I'm betting there are some moms there who are of the mind to do exactly the thing that I cited in my previous post.