The ramblings of a single woman... (TFKA ...crying pink and green tears...

[Steeltrap]

Originally posted by itsmesteph08
. . . He's got to have one set aside for me who is educated, can hold a job and a conversation, AND ain't on the Down Low (you know I had to go there ). . .

The men on the West Coast (specifically Los Angeles) are nothing short of disappointing.



A believer in Miracles. . .

Steph~

Well, I have to agree that WC men are a source of frustration, and I am YEARS older than you. I did my time in the South in the early 1990s and honestly, didn't really worry about finding a man. I wasn't ready yet (I was in my late 20s).
And if you think it's bad in LA, it's worse in the LoCal counties where I live.

[Maya AKAngelou]

Greetings Ladies. I do understand what its like to lack in the male department. I have a friend and we've had our "relationship" for over a year now. There's no committment, though we are with no one else but each other. But that 'title itch' (you know, bf/gf) has been irritating me and I want it so bad.


Today is my 23rd birthday (yea!!!) and hopefully tonight I might get a little note like in middle school that says "Will you be my girlfriend? Circle yes, no, or maybe" My advice, perhaps our soulmates are ready for us yet. God wouldn't want us to not have 115% now would he?

[lil_sunshine]

Originally posted by Maya AKAngelou
Today is my 23rd birthday (yea!!!) and hopefully tonight I might get a little note like in middle school that says "Will you be my girlfriend? Circle yes, no, or maybe" My advice, perhaps our soulmates are ready for us yet. God wouldn't want us to not have 115% now would he?

Happy birthday to ya! Happy birthday to ya! HAPPY BIIIIIIIRTHDAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!! Be sure to enjoy it as much as you can, considering that today's Tuesday.....

[Ideal08]

I am sick and tired of walking around on eggshells around men. Don't say this; it'll scare him off. Don't mention that; he'll feel pressured. More bullisht. Too many rules and too many games. Just keep it real. You love somebody, say it. You wanna get married, say it. All you wanna do is ufck? SAY IT. Life is too short for the games.

Soror Abaici, when is the conference again?

[Jorrie96]

I am sick and tired of walking around on eggshells around men.

Preach chile' Preach! I'm too old to be playing such games. Besides I figure if he isn't looking for the same thing I am then there is no need to waste my time!

[abaici]

Originally posted by Ideal08
I am sick and tired of walking around on eggshells around men. Don't say this; it'll scare him off. Don't mention that; he'll feel pressured. More bullisht. Too many rules and too many games. Just keep it real. You love somebody, say it. You wanna get married, say it. All you wanna do is ufck? SAY IT. Life is too short for the games.

Soror Abaici, when is the conference again?

Thank you!! I'm tired of being mature! You love me, but you are not willing to try and make things work. Obviously, you don't love me enough. Not loving me enough, is the same as not loving me at all. Or at least, that's how it feels. I don't want to feel like I'm auditioning! Like, if I slip up in one area, I'm cut from the list. Like I'm replaceable. Like, it's soooo easy. I swear, men really know how to frick with your self-esteem and work your nerves! As you said soror, men need to just be straight up. If you want to be friends, say that ish! I'm the one who wanted to keep it that way most likely! If you want to go somewhere else, be a man about it. Don't take me to another place emotionally, and then withdraw. Whew! Relax, Relate, Release.


Soror, I'm in recovery...but the more I think about things, the more convinced I am that I need to start working out the conference logistics.

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by abaici
Don't take me to another place emotionally, and then withdraw.

See, this is what I'm talkin' about!

[treblk]

Ladies, Ladies, if I was close enough to each one of you, we would be slapping high fives and giving pounds.
This is so ture for me as well. I 30 and the pressures of getting a mate is so real I can reach out and pinch it. I'm trying to as patient as I can, but hell, it's hard as all get out, since every other month, a friend, a soror or some co-worker is getting engaged or getting married.

I know God has a plan for me and my mate..but if only he can speed up the process.

[itsmesteph08]

If you want to be friends, say that ish! I'm the one who wanted to keep it that way most likely! If you want to go somewhere else, be a man about it.

EXACTLY!

Yes, I'm minding my own bidness. . . I'm keepin' it light, keepin' it casual . . . You meet, call when you can (not trippin), go out, see you when I see you (no big deal). . . and outta the blue 'oh, I see you in my future. . .' huh? I'm like uh, okaaaay?!?!!? where'd that come from Then you get me all thinkin about 'the what ifs' and the 'well then maybe's' and then later on pull the 'I wanna keep my options open' !?!?!?!?! and not to mention the disappearing act (ie. he never calls again). UGH!!!!
Spare me! why waste my time and yours. . .

whew!!! oh. . . okay, I'm back--

I had a moment

VENT! VENT! VENT!

Steph~

[UpPinkies]

Originally posted by Eclipse
Then you are doing the right thing by putting it out there. I have a girlfriend who will celebrate her 2nd anniversary this year who did the same thing. Girlfriend let any and everyone know that she was actively looking for a MATE--not a date. She would go out on a first date with almost anyone. She had a good job, car, own home, education, etc and she was ready. Now this does not mean that she accepted anything. Like I said, she went out on a lot of first dates, but had to end it right there with a lot of them. She also got out there. She developed new hobbies, took classes that would put her in the company of men. If the man she met at these events was married, so what. She was like "you got any friends??". At first I was a little worried about her, but she was as serious about her quest as she was other aspects of her life. She met her hubby at a small get together given by a friend of a friend.

I just read this twice and have to give props to your friend.

[Love_Spell_6]

This thread is really depressing...what makes it that way is that so many of us can relate to what has been said...but I have a question... for yall.. A friend told me that a man approached her in church and wanted to get to know her better...so she said she was going to ask him 1. Are you looking for a girlfriend or a wife.. 2. If he says wife...she would say..How do you know I'm marriage material?? and did you go to God first... ANd if he said a girlfriend...she would keep it moving...

For those of you who are saved...and want to marry a Christian man...do you think this is coming on too strong?? One part of me says that she is right...that at 30+ and in search of a God fearing man...she doesn't have time to be no one's "girl" ... and that if a brother is still unsure about whether he wants to be married..its a waste of time....but then another part of me says...is marriage something that should be a determining factor in whether or not you talk/date to someone??

What do you think ladies??

[ivygreen]

Yall sistah friends and Sorors...I can't tell yall what a time I'm having not being WITH anyone!!!! I love myself and my daughter with the reverence rivaling any man's attention. As far as I'm concerned the best thing to me about a man is looking at 'em!!!! Cause half the time when they open their mouth all I wanna do is say be very very quiet!!!!

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
do you think this is coming on too strong?? One part of me says that she is right...that at 30+ and in search of a God fearing man...she doesn't have time to be no one's "girl" ... and that if a brother is still unsure about whether he wants to be married..its a waste of time....but then another part of me says...is marriage something that should be a determining factor in whether or not you talk/date to someone??

What do you think ladies??

This is hard for me, cuz I feel where your friend is coming from. I don't plan on telling anyone on the first date that I'm only interested in marriage, only because that person could very well serve another purpose in my life. I'm open to starting new relationships. Now, when my emotions become involved, THEN I'll let brothaman know that if it's not moving towards marriage then we can cool out. But on the first date or before the first date, I think that's a little much. But I TOTALLY feel her on being somebody's 'girl.' I'm too old for that. But, what if in dating, the dude DOES become ready to get married? It's just hard. But I feel her, I do.

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by Ideal08
This is hard for me, cuz I feel where your friend is coming from. I don't plan on telling anyone on the first date that I'm only interested in marriage, only because that person could very well serve another purpose in my life. I'm open to starting new relationships. Now, when my emotions become involved, THEN I'll let brothaman know that if it's not moving towards marriage then we can cool out. But on the first date or before the first date, I think that's a little much. But I TOTALLY feel her on being somebody's 'girl.' I'm too old for that. But, what if in dating, the dude DOES become ready to get married? It's just hard. But I feel her, I do.

Yes thats how I feel..on one part..I feel strongly about knowing where a brother's head is before getting emotionally invested...but I do think meeting initially is a bit too soon to discuss marriage...and also..from my experience..no man approaches me because he just wants a friend .. he definitely has something he wants..and most of the time its not to get to know me better... (though thats what they say) and some don't waste any time with sexual inneuendos (sp)...so I dont know... why date a brother for a month or more just to find out he still wants to play the field...

[BlueReign]

Which is why we should be up front no matter how forward it may sound. I'm known for being blunt and to the point and I am the same way always and never walk on "eggshells" around men. (See Ideal I gotta school you here). I met a guy last year around this time and I told him point blank that I have had enough of being somebody's "girl" and I have had enough d--- to last a lifetime that I wanted something real that would last and if he didn't want that then we were wasting time. He pretty much said well let's just get to know each other first and take it from there. That's was enough for me to not even bother to go on a first date.

I met a guy in November and I said the same thing and this is where we took off flying cause he was as straight up as I was during our initial conversation that he was looking for a relationship too.

I have to vent often because of the same question that people tend to ask you about your lifestyle and why aren't you married. It does indeed hurt because you know your intention is to be hooked up and it hasn't happened.