For the ladies.. "Why aren't you married?"

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by rhoyaltempest

I was single for a long time before that special person found me and I got married nearly 5 years ago. One thing I learned is that you don't have to wait for any man to ask you to marry them before you start doing you and living it up. Take care of you. Learn to love yourself and work on whatever it is you need to work on about yourself BEFORE getting into a serious relationship. If you have some serious issues that are holding you back from life (baggage), get into therapy and work them out while you're single; focus on you first and when everything is worked out or even while you're working things out, the right man for you will just show up. You won't even have to go looking. So buy that house, that car, save your pennies (as the current economy is showing us), take trips, spend time with friends and family, and just do you to the fullest! When you get married, there is so much more on your plate (whether you have kids or not) so you need to focus on yourself right now because you may not have the time you need to focus much on yourself after marriage and possibly children.

So if a man asks you why you aren't married (and I used to get this all the time and was down right sick of it!), tell him you are doing you and that you have everything you're supposed to have at this time.

Oh and if you never get married or you don't want to get married, that's fine too. Having a man does NOT define who we are as women. A man can add to your life but he is NOT your life and you can have a life on your own, just maybe a different kind of life than that of married women. Most days I love being married and other days I would just love to be doing me...all day....every day!

QFP. Very good. I agree!

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by rhoyaltempest

I was single for a long time before that special person found me and I got married nearly 5 years ago. One thing I learned is that you don't have to wait for any man to ask you to marry them before you start doing you and living it up. Take care of you. Learn to love yourself and work on whatever it is you need to work on about yourself BEFORE getting into a serious relationship. If you have some serious issues that are holding you back from life (baggage), get into therapy and work them out while you're single; focus on you first and when everything is worked out or even while you're working things out, the right man for you will just show up. You won't even have to go looking. So buy that house, that car, save your pennies (as the current economy is showing us), take trips, spend time with friends and family, and just do you to the fullest! When you get married, there is so much more on your plate (whether you have kids or not) so you need to focus on yourself right now because you may not have the time you need to focus much on yourself after marriage and possibly children.

So if a man asks you why you aren't married (and I used to get this all the time and was down right sick of it!), tell him you are doing you and that you have everything you're supposed to have at this time.

Oh and if you never get married or you don't want to get married, that's fine too. Having a man does NOT define who we are as women. A man can add to your life but he is NOT your life and you can have a life on your own, just maybe a different kind of life than that of married women. Most days I love being married and other days I would just love to be doing me...all day....every day!

Soror, I couldn't agree more!

[starang21]

so i'm assuming asking a woman why she's not married is NOT the way to get to know her?

[Little32]

Originally posted by starang21
so i'm assuming asking a woman why she's not married is NOT the way to get to know her?

There is a really easy way to determine if someone is married: look for a ring. If someone asks me that, I assume one of two things (given that I am not wearing gloves) 1) he's not particularly observant; 2) he sees that I have no ring and just enjoys asking stupid questions. Either way, that question ends up working more against him then for him.
A more appropriate question, if you are trying to get to know her, is are you seeing anyone.

[starang21]

Originally Posted by Little32

There is a really easy way to determine if someone is married: look for a ring. If someone asks me that, I assume one of two things (given that I am not wearing gloves) 1) he's not particularly observant; 2) he sees that I have no ring and just enjoys asking stupid questions. Either way, that question ends up working more against him then for him.
A more appropriate question, if you are trying to get to know her, is are you seeing anyone.

the ring isn't always an indicator. i've had a myriad of women give me their numbers that wore rings. i'll usually make a comment about their husband, fiance, dude, ect to see if they're with someone. oft times they'll be like "my what?" i guess the ring is to deter cornballs or something.

oh yea, eff love.







dang that was an old ass post i just quoted, LOL

[Eclipse]

Dear Abby's column yesterday touched on this...

Here's a bit from it:
DEAR ABBY: I had a great-aunt who lived to be 91 and never married. Her response to that question was, "Because I never met a man who deserved to be as happy as I could make him!" -- KATHRYN C. IN CINCINNATI
.
DEAR ABBY: I, too, was plagued by that annoying and rude question. I had the following posted on my desk at work for inspiration:
I'M NOT MARRIED BECAUSE:
(1) You haven't asked me yet.
(2) Because I just love hearing people ask me that question.
(3) My fiance is waiting until after the parole is granted.
(4) I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
(5) I already have enough laundry to do, thank you!
(6) I'm afraid my parents would drop dead from sheer happiness.
(7) What? And lose all the money I've invested in personal ads?
(8) I'm married to my career -- although recently we have been considering a trial separation.
(9) If I married, I'd have to forfeit my $10 million trust fund.



To read more, go to:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20040518

[lil_sunshine]

This list is fuuuuunnnnnyyyyyyy! I need to use that for myself.....

[NinjaPoodle]

When I was asked why I wasn't married, I used to say, "Just lucky, I guess."

I like! I Like!

[SummerChild]

Originally posted by BlueReign
Ladies,

I am curious as to how others respond. I get asked this question a lot and I get irritated at the person every time. How do you respond when people (mostly men) ask you this.

I say that I guess that I haven't met the right person and he hasn't met me.

SC

[jojapeach]

Originally posted by Little32
There is a really easy way to determine if someone is married: look for a ring.

That's not always the case. I've actually worked with two women who were happily married but just didn't wear rings. I never went into why, but to each his own. Does anyone know of any possible reasons in any religion(s) why a ring wouldn't symbolize the sacred bond of marriage?

BTW, I met a guy the other day, and after telling me that I was attractive, he asked me, "Do you want to get married?" In response, I actually laughed quite raucously because of this thread. I actually just said, "It's the last thing on my mind." That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by jojapeach
That's not always the case. I've actually worked with two women who were happily married but just didn't wear rings.

Very true. Also, men (especially in my parents' generation) frequently don't wear wedding rings. And in some professions, it can be dangerous to wear jewelry on your hands or wrists.

And.... sometimes unmarried women will wear a ring just to avoid getting hit on by skeezy men in bars. (Edited to add: A fake wedding ring might also stop strangers from asking you why you aren't married. Hmmmm... )

[Imperial1]

I usually say, when men learn what commitment to someone means, then I'll prolly be married some day.

Imperial1

[Eirene_DGP]

It's funny because while I was in college, my mother tried to run off every guy I dated because she didn't want to see me drop out to get married. Now that I've graduated and in grad school, I'm criticized for not being married/engaged. I can't win

[Chiante9]

Besides the fact that I have an 11-year old daughter to think about, I just finished graduate school & while in grad school, didn't have time for a relationship. Having kids will definitely make most of us be more cautious about getting involved. Can't have any & everybody around the children.

[TRSimon]

Originally posted by Chiante9
Can't have any & everybody around the children.

If only everybody thought like you did...