After watching Intervention tonight, I thought of this thread, but could not remember what the title was. I am so search challenged. Anyway...
After watching that episode, I realize that everyone's experience is totally different. No one in my family drank every day; they had drinking binges. But her laying out on the front lawn totally took me back. And I totally felt for those kids because it SUCKS being a kid in that type of environment. I rarely took friends to my house because you just never knew what type of craziness awaited.
And the comment I made about my uncle never coming around and not bringing his kids around... I totally understand now. My child will spend VERY LITTLE time in Cleveland. And it's just my sisters and my niece, none of whom have ever done anything to me. But their lifestyle is just not one I want my child exposed to. Kids should not have to witness that madness.
Now this post down here, I totally forgot about that conversation. The friend I refer to is now my manfriend. I have shared some stuff with him, but still not the whole. And I've not taken him to Cleveland yet, either. I know now that we are in it together for the long haul, but I still am scared to death for him to meet my family in all their craziness. I love them, but I don't love their crazy.
He really didn't stop loving me. *sigh* I love him.
I haven't done so well renewing those other friendships. That's on my to-do list.
Another thing: after reading those books, I learned why I developed my "peacemaker" mentality. My sisters are not talking to each other and I refuse to play the game with them anymore. I will not send messages between the two and I will not patch them up. I am TIRED of the roles. I still try to keep the peace in other areas of my life, but I refuse to do it with them anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ideal08
I just had to come and tell y'all this. I mentioned in a PM conversation about my "friend" in Ohio and how I was afraid to share any of this with him. Now, he has been with me through thick and thin and knows all the crap about me, yet he is STILL in my life. So he calls today to share some stuff with me. So I decided to share SOME of this with him. One of the things I learned in the ACoA book was that we are afraid that if people find out what really happened in our lives/homes, they will leave us. I have ALWAYS thought this!!! It doesn't make it any better that my ex could not deal with my emotional issues. So the last thing I wanted to do was share this with my friend. But the Almighty showed me exactly why I love this man. I told him about the books and everything without going into too much detail. He told me that what I am doing is very noble and courageous. Why is it that I can never tell when I exhibit courage? Anyway, I told him that one day I would tell him some of the stories of things that happened in my house. His response? "That's cool. When you're ready. I'll never stop loving you." Y'all, this made me cry. Now I know why I love him so much.  This gives me the courage to renew other friendships that I have "pushed away."
But I posted this so that others can see that people will STILL love us regardless of the disease that plagued our families. We can STILL have positive, loving relationships. Other people will never be as hard on us as we are on ourselves. |
Hybrid Mode
