Cashmoney's Dating Advice

[cashmoney]

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
My dad is just one of those guys who's probably better off as a bachelor.

God I hope thats not me.

[twhrider13]

Hey, Cash--I'm not exactly looking for advice, but I want to know what you think, anyway.

I dated "B" for nearly a year. For some reason, I was totally and completely in love with the guy. We've been apart for over a year now. Less than two weeks after we broke up, he had a new girlfriend. Less than two months later, he was engaged. The next month, he was married. He may or may not have been cheating on me. I won't speculate either way, because I don't know for sure.

Naturally, all my friends were totally baffled at this, because they all believed he had been as much in love with me as I had been with him. We found out later that the girlfriend/fiancee/wife was pregnant, and this is the reason they got married.

"B" and I had a VERY bitter break-up, and we were at each others' throats for a long time. Last month, "B" suddenly started talking to me on MSN messenger. He apologized for all the things he'd done to me, told me that I deserved better than he'd done to me, and said he hoped we could be friends (this coming from a guy who'd once said he hated me and never wanted to speak to me ever again). I was stunned, and I acted very coldly toward him.

Since then, he's emailed me twice, and we've talked twice on MSN. I'm not sure if he's still married, because I haven't asked. He's been trying to act as if we're old friends, as if all the things that happened between us never happened; every time we talk, he asks me to forgive him and tells me how wrong he was (this is the first time in all the years I've known him that I've ever heard him admit that he was wrong). I have acted civilly towards "B," but I don't encourage him at all. He also asks about the guy I'm dating.

I've been dating "C" for almost a month. I like him a lot, and he's a lot of fun to be around. "C" is not threatened at all by "B's" sudden re-appearance in my life. "C" is better to me than anyone has ever been before.

A couple of months ago, I would've wanted nothing more than to have "B" come back to me. Now that I've found a wonderful friend in "C," I'm not so happy about "B" popping up again. I don't actually need advice, because I already know what I'm going to do (nothing--I will continue to be civil toward "B" and nothing more and continue dating "C"). What I want to know is why all of a sudden Mr. "I'm-Married-With-A-Baby-And-Hope-You-Die" "B" is coming at me, begging for forgiveness and telling me that I deserved better than he did to me and how he hopes we can be friends? (Don't worry, I won't go back to him--even though he hasn't actually asked me to--I'm just curious.)

Sorry for the book!

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by twhrider13
What I want to know is why all of a sudden Mr. "I'm-Married-With-A-Baby-And-Hope-You-Die" "B" is coming at me, begging for forgiveness and telling me that I deserved better than he did to me and how he hopes we can be friends?

My take: B, Mr. "I'm-Married-With-A-Baby-And-Hope-You-Die" has become Mr. "I'm-Married-With-A-Baby-Oh-Shit-How-Did-I-Get-Myself-Into-This-Situation-I'm-Bored-And-Trapped-And-Not-Attracted-To-My-Wife-Who-Doesn't-Have-Time-To-Be-Sexy-And-I-Didn't-Want-A-Baby-Now-And-I-Want-Some-Excitement-From-A-Hot-Young-Thang." Or something like that.

[twhrider13]

Valkyrie...that's pretty much what I figured, too!

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by twhrider13
Valkyrie...that's pretty much what I figured, too!

Stay away from him...far far away!

[twhrider13]

Stay away from him...far far away!

I have every intention of doing that!

[chideltjen]

Well it seemed like only a matter of time after my question of being forever a guy's best friend. but good news. I have a date on Sunday. WOo HoO.

There is just one thing. i was talking to the guy today on the phone. And I swear to god every 5th word out of his mouth was a swear word. Now... i swear once in a while, especially when i am pissed off. but i have become pretty good at censoring myself. the guy seems really cool and we have things in common but the swearing is a total turn off. is there a way i can be nice about telling him to lay off without sounding like i have fast forwarded the barely there relationship to something more serious?

[bluz4]

i posted a question to cashmoney and i got no feedback. since cash isn't around, anyone else care to share some advice. i posted my "situation" a couple of posts back.

thanks.

[cashmoney]

Originally posted by bluz4
cash$,

i was seeing this guy for about three months. saw each other whenever we could, talked every day, texted each other often, he said he liked me, i truly liked him. things were going really well.
i thought ... then he just spent his entire birthday (9 a.m. to 3 a.m.) with his ex-girlfriend. yes, they are friends but come on, a whole day together. what is that about? i've given him the boot but was that a wise move?

suffering blues to the 4th power.

Bluz4-

Sorry I'm a little late getting back to you. I've been busy.

Yes, that was wise booting him. I can tell right off the bat he's one of those guys who has been broken up with his ex but probably still has random sex with her here and there. Thats why he spent his b-day with her. I dated a chick for a couple of years...after we broke up I started dating another chick. Meanwhile I was still tagging my ex and my new GF at the same time, raw dogg all the time . At night I'd be tagging my current GF and in the morning when we'd wake up....then during lunch I'd have my ex come over and we'd have sex. Neither of them suspected anything, finally I broke down and told my ex like a dumbass. And that led into me telling her about all the other times I cheated on her, but thats another thread....

You did the right thing if you're looking for a serious relationship. if you don't really want to be tied down right now but still want some sort of a relationship....I'd say you should go back to him if you still liek him and talk to him about why you gave him the boot and then try to reconcile your differences. But as I said, if you want something solid and secure.....look elsewhere.

BTW- go out and do something to get your mind off of him. Sitting at the house/apt thinking about this crapp isnt gonna help you or your chances of finding someone else who will treat you much better.

Hope I helped...

Craig

[cashmoney]

Originally posted by twhrider13
Hey, Cash--I'm not exactly looking for advice, but I want to know what you think, anyway.

I dated "B" for nearly a year. For some reason, I was totally and completely in love with the guy. We've been apart for over a year now. Less than two weeks after we broke up, he had a new girlfriend. Less than two months later, he was engaged. The next month, he was married. He may or may not have been cheating on me. I won't speculate either way, because I don't know for sure.

Naturally, all my friends were totally baffled at this, because they all believed he had been as much in love with me as I had been with him. We found out later that the girlfriend/fiancee/wife was pregnant, and this is the reason they got married.

"B" and I had a VERY bitter break-up, and we were at each others' throats for a long time. Last month, "B" suddenly started talking to me on MSN messenger. He apologized for all the things he'd done to me, told me that I deserved better than he'd done to me, and said he hoped we could be friends (this coming from a guy who'd once said he hated me and never wanted to speak to me ever again). I was stunned, and I acted very coldly toward him.

Since then, he's emailed me twice, and we've talked twice on MSN. I'm not sure if he's still married, because I haven't asked. He's been trying to act as if we're old friends, as if all the things that happened between us never happened; every time we talk, he asks me to forgive him and tells me how wrong he was (this is the first time in all the years I've known him that I've ever heard him admit that he was wrong). I have acted civilly towards "B," but I don't encourage him at all. He also asks about the guy I'm dating.

I've been dating "C" for almost a month. I like him a lot, and he's a lot of fun to be around. "C" is not threatened at all by "B's" sudden re-appearance in my life. "C" is better to me than anyone has ever been before.

A couple of months ago, I would've wanted nothing more than to have "B" come back to me. Now that I've found a wonderful friend in "C," I'm not so happy about "B" popping up again. I don't actually need advice, because I already know what I'm going to do (nothing--I will continue to be civil toward "B" and nothing more and continue dating "C"). What I want to know is why all of a sudden Mr. "I'm-Married-With-A-Baby-And-Hope-You-Die" "B" is coming at me, begging for forgiveness and telling me that I deserved better than he did to me and how he hopes we can be friends? (Don't worry, I won't go back to him--even though he hasn't actually asked me to--I'm just curious.)

Sorry for the book!

twhrider13-

Wow! Your situation reminds me of one I was in about this time last year. I don't think that "B" is trying to get you back. I think he realizes what he did was wrong and he's just trying to make up for it and make things better between you and him. In a way i think he'd like to get back with you, but I think he knows that it'll never happen.

I'll tell you my situation and you draw you're conclusion as to what he's doing.

As I told bluz4, I dated a girl for a couple of years. We were in love. It was the same situation as you and "b". We talked about marriage, kids, our careers...blah blah blah. Yet, I cheated on her. At times it got kind of bad. i don't know how she never found out about it. One day things came to a head between me and one of her best friends ( whom i had dated briefly before her). Her friend came over to my apt one day and didnt tell my then GF/her one of her best frineds. 5 minutes in our convo we start yelling at each other and then she starts crying. one of her sorirty sisters lived right across from me ( not even 3 steps from her front door) and she heard it all. We ended up in the hall way yelling at each other and she was a crying mess ( she was crying because I told her that my GF and her other best friend both talked shit about her behind her back). It was a lot of drama. Then the other best frined came over with my GF a few hours later. I was trashed on G and all hell broke loose. Their friend/romate, katie, started going off on me. I went off on her for yelling at me and told her she had no right to be bitchin at me for my actions when she got tag teamed by two of my boys the week before at my apt and the other two had no idea she was even at my place the week before. I was pissed that they were coming at me the way they did but were just as scandelous behind each others back. Well, my GF and called it quits right then and there. I went out with my boys and don't remeber much from that night afterwards. The next week my ex and i started talking and she wanted me back. For some reason i didnt get back with her and immediately started dating another girl. It hurt her. I had huge parties still and my ex and her roomates still came to them while my new GF was there. It sucked. One night i was so trashed and i had about 50 peopel at my apt rollin.....i started making out with my new GF in front of everyone. My ex right right there in front of me. She got pissed and left. The next weekend i had another party without my new GF. At that party we had about 30 Chi Omegas there getting crazy. At one point I had about 13 people in my bed room and I was in my bed with 3 Chi Os (I've got pics to prove it) and we were getting crazy. next thing I know....my ex walks in my apt and someone shut my bedroom door so she couldnt come in. A few minutes later, she starts blowin my cell up while i'm in bed with these chicks. Then she starts banging on my bedroom door. Someone opneed the door and she walked in it with all these peopel in there laying around on the floor and in chairs. She saw me in bed with these 3 girls and flipped out. It was a big mess, a really big mess. evenutally I smoothed things out with her and chilled out on all the parties. I told her I broke up with the girl she knew i was dating and she started coming around to being normal again. We started having sex again. Finally one day I broke down and told her what all was really going on. She was humiliated to a level i couldn't fully understand at the time. by the end of that term she had put in to transfer to LSU and I to transfer to USF in tampa. We had no idea both of us were transferring. After she moved and I moved....things were still bitter between us. After awhile I started changing from my old ways and felt horrible for what i did to her during our tenure together. She's such a great person and woulda broken her back for me. It took me some time, but after a while i realized what exactly I had lost. I wanted to make things better between us. I just felt so bad for what I did to her. In time we eventually started seeing each other at the most random palces and never planned on it. I saw her in New orleans, NYC, key West, Miami, Atlanta and in Cancun. After that we started talking a lot. i told her how i felt and that I wanted her to fogive me in time and maybe we could still be friends. today, we're still freinds, talk on the phone and she even keeps me up to date on her family. We've talked about the "getting back together" issue. We both agreed it couldn't happen. She's about to move to paris to live and work. I'm just glad that we can still talk and be firends. but as she told me once, she has forgiven me...but she'll never forget. i think thats what you need to try to be with "B". I think things related to him and you will then be much less stressfull if you guys just become friends again.


Hope I helped...


Cash-

[bluz4]

craig,
thank you. you really do give good advice. my friends and family have pretty much told me the same thing so i'm just going to leave him alone. he's texted me and we've talked about the whole thing. but he's not sorry for what he did and i don't want to turn in my "self-love" card for him. plus he's coming so half-ass in his efforts to patch things up. i think i'm just done with that whole situation. i deserve better and i want better. but no i don't want a relationship right now, but i do want an honest partner who respects me.
much love to you though,
a new fan of yours.
enj

[cashmoney]

Originally posted by chideltjen
Well it seemed like only a matter of time after my question of being forever a guy's best friend. but good news. I have a date on Sunday. WOo HoO.

There is just one thing. i was talking to the guy today on the phone. And I swear to god every 5th word out of his mouth was a swear word. Now... i swear once in a while, especially when i am pissed off. but i have become pretty good at censoring myself. the guy seems really cool and we have things in common but the swearing is a total turn off. is there a way i can be nice about telling him to lay off without sounding like i have fast forwarded the barely there relationship to something more serious?

Jen-

Just ask him " Do you think its attractive to girls when you cuss in almost every sentence?" or you could say " Do you talk like that around your mother?" he'll get the point and actually respect you for it. Also, if you say something liek that....it's a start to where you'll have the upper hand in the relationship. You'll be able to get what you want without actually saying it......lol I'm really good at that.


Craig

[chideltjen]

lol... he actually wasn't so bad with the swearing in public as he was on the phone. but i will eventually bring it up to him if he continues. at least in public he made an effort to censor himself. maybe because there were other people around him.

but the date went okay. we talked a lot but i am not gonna push anything further than a friendship for now.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Ok,
same issue...


The idiot boy ignores me for 3 weeks after standing me up. I didn't make an effort to get in touch with him either because I want this insanity to end and just move on with life.
So I check my IQ this morning and there are 50 messages from him asking me if I'm there. Yesterday afternoon his final messgage to was, and I quote "guess u dont want to talk
thats fine i understand
bye".
My brother got pissed off at him too and messaged him back for me saying I was at work (I left my ICQ on, but in away mode)
So I message him back saying I have been busy and he hasn't been online (he's been on maybe a total of 5 times briefly in the past 3 weeks).
I know I shouldn't have done that, but I was so mad that he had the nerve to lay this guilt trip on me.
So, tonight I get home after working over time and I have another 5 messages from him asking me where I am. EXCUSE ME!! I was at work, I have things to do. I can't sit here waiting for you to talk to me.
I guess after my rant, my question is what the hell is his problem. I haven't seen him in months (so he's not getting any action from me) and HE stood me up when I was supposed to see him 3 weeks ago for the weekend and HE was the one who stopped talking to me. I just figured he lost his interest, so why is he laying this crap on me now?

[James]

[hijack from cashmoney]

You are allowing him to call the shots. If you are going to move on, anything he wants, feels or believes is irrelevant.

Another thing, lets assume he is hopelessly into you. He isn't it showing it in a way that you can relate to very well. Other boys call and send flowers, this guy blows you off forever.

Assumine he is just like this. Is this how you would want someone to show he cared?

If not, then block his name from your message lists, call block his number and move the hell on

If so, expect to suffer . . . a lot.

[/hijack]

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
Ok,
same issue...


The idiot boy ignores me for 3 weeks after standing me up. I didn't make an effort to get in touch with him either because I want this insanity to end and just move on with life.
So I check my IQ this morning and there are 50 messages from him asking me if I'm there. Yesterday afternoon his final messgage to was, and I quote "guess u dont want to talk
thats fine i understand
bye".
My brother got pissed off at him too and messaged him back for me saying I was at work (I left my ICQ on, but in away mode)
So I message him back saying I have been busy and he hasn't been online (he's been on maybe a total of 5 times briefly in the past 3 weeks).
I know I shouldn't have done that, but I was so mad that he had the nerve to lay this guilt trip on me.
So, tonight I get home after working over time and I have another 5 messages from him asking me where I am. EXCUSE ME!! I was at work, I have things to do. I can't sit here waiting for you to talk to me.
I guess after my rant, my question is what the hell is his problem. I haven't seen him in months (so he's not getting any action from me) and HE stood me up when I was supposed to see him 3 weeks ago for the weekend and HE was the one who stopped talking to me. I just figured he lost his interest, so why is he laying this crap on me now?