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An old man and a little boy are walking into the woods. The old man says "I don't know what you're so scared of I've gotta walk outta here alone!!"
A reporter goes to a rural town to investigate "home remedies". He's standing around the courthouse square and sees and old codger walk up to a mule, stick his finger in the mule's rectum, and then wipe the same finger on his lips. The reporter rushed over and said "Dear lord, what on earth are you doing?" The man said "Well...I gots me some chapped lips" The reporter says "Ah...well, is there something in the "residue" that moisturizes them?" The old man said "Nope, but it keeps ya from lickin' 'em."
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