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I would _never_ tell a family member not to join somewhere - unless I actually knew that chapter well and knew they were awful hazers. Not liking them - and especially not liking another chapter - isn't relevant.
A sister I know had an older brother in a fraternity. She went off to the same college and went through rush. He told her, "You can join any sorority except AXD or XYZ." Guess what, she went through rush, and ended up at the pref parties for ... AXD and XYZ. She got a bid from AXD, and instead of being excited for herself, she was so terrified of what her brother would say, she cried when she opened it - even though she was personally happy with the bid.
She was fortunate enough to have a lovely Rho Chi who told her that her brother was being an ass and went with her to call and inform her brother. Obviously, the bid worked out for her, and today she is an active, dedicated alum. Her brother had no business putting her through that heartache.
Your friend certainly has a right to express to her cousin, especially if they're close, that her experiences with ABC haven't been great, but to say, "No, don't join," is far different.
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Alpha Xi Delta
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