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I serve as a Membership Development Advisor for my sorority, and I will tell you what I tell my Collegians when this occasionally happens...
The Greek System is not for everyone--and though you liked this girl, maybe your sorority was not for her! We had, in the past, a NM quit and join a different sorority--and we were happy for her because ultimately, you want people to go where they best fit in.
I don't know why your NM left, but I think things work out for the best. Hopefully she left for the right reasons (she couldn't put in the time, couldn't make the commitment, didn't feel the sorority was right for her, couldn't keep up her grades and the sorority...etc) and not the wrong reasons (shewas being hazed).
It is hard to walk away, but woudl you rather have had her get in, hate the sorority, and then become dead weight?
I know the Big is upset--I had TWO littles go AWOL on me. I'd hope that their friendship would superceed involvement in your sorority.
Look at this as a chance to show this woman what true sisterhood is. Don't have your Sisters ignore her. Don't say bad things about her. Tell her you are saddened by her decision, and if you mean it, would welcome her again in a year should she want to join again. Make sure she knows you thought she'd have been an excellent member of your Chapter, and that you wish her nothing but the best and hope she enjoyed her time with you.
If you tell her something like that... what is she going to be able to say? "I quit but they were still nice to me???"
I don't know what goes on in your NM Program, but we don't reveal our Sorority secrets until initiation. I've also learned that Greeks tend to really respect the private aspects of other Greek organizations and if she did try to tell someone your secrets, I think A LOT of Greeks would say, "No, don't tell me that, it's private."
I'm serious!
I hope this helped!
Kristen
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