affairs

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by valkyrie
If I were in this situation, I would've told her. If nothing else, she deserves to know to protect herself from diseases and such, although I think she deserves to know, period. I don't think she's blissfully ignorant so much as living a lie. I can't even imagine how shitty I would feel if my friend knew my guy was cheating and didn't tell me, because I think that friends owe that to each other. If I ever found out that a friend knew and didn't tell me, I'd never speak to her again.

Anyway, if the family breaks up, it's not because someone told her he was cheating -- it's because he *was* cheating. He *did* throw a grenade into his marriage -- there's no "almost" about it, and she's just walking around unaware of it and I think that one day it will explode. I'd guess that he's probably going to do it again, too. Why shouldn't he? He got away with it the first time (if that even was the first time).

The thing is my loyalty is torn between the wife and the "other" woman.
Both women are my friends. I was really concerned about the other woman
because having an affair with a married man is so self-destructive and a clear sign of deep rooted problems. I discussed it with the other woman when I found out,
and the affair is over. Now she is in therapy.

It was shitty of them to do, but it's finished. I truly don't believe that there is
anything to be gained from telling. A hypothetical situation is very different from
a real situation. Before this I thought that I would tell a friend if I knew that her husband was having an affair, but when I found myself in that situation, I had to weigh all sides and acted differently. Maybe I am wrong. I have seen two other friends go through terrible divorces and child custody fights, and I just didn't want her to experience that. There really was a no win situation here.

I agree with you that he could cheat again with another woman. I hope not. I hope that he learned a lesson that he shouldn't cheat. I hope that their marriage doesn't explode. I hope that she doesn't find out. I think that many marriages survive affairs, but many don't. I don't want that for my friend or her children. It was an impossible situation, and I made a decision not to tell. Maybe I was wrong, but I did what I felt was right at the time with the information that I had. Only time will tell.