affairs

If you find out one of your brothers is sleeping with someone elses woman, what is the right thing to do?


do you help him keep the secret? which after all he is your brother and he has a vested interest in keeping it secret

do you give him a moral lecture about it? after all he is your brother and this might affect the houses reputation if word got out. and afterwards you leave him space.

do you deride him for it? after all he is your brother you're free to give him shit for anything

or what?

If he doesn't bring her around the house does the issue still effect you?

Who here hasn't either cheated, been cheated on, or cheated with someone else?

Is this a useless thread? It is something I wanna get others' oppinions on. So please think about this and put a reply.

Thank you

[James]

I guess the question is whether you are a chick or not.

Seriously, there is a guy code, and you just don't tell. Even of the girl is your best friend, well you just don't tell. EVER. First loyalty is always to the other man.

You lose massive respect among your other guy friends if you break the code.

You can deride him if you want to . . . but why bother? He isn't going to thank you for getting involved in his business. And its a no win situation for you becaue you kind of look like a bitch by telling him not to have sex.

Good luck making the right decision. But honestly don't be "that" guy. The bitch guy, the girlie man. Its pathetic.

[winnieb]

I agree with James--- it depends on whether you are male or female. Guys do not tell--they keep their mouths shut--- girls tell--ohhh--and yes girls tell after they have told everyone else!!! sorry girls, in most cases that is the truth!!!!

Guys protect each other--right or wrong.
My personal example is --- right now a friend (he's married) of my husbands--has been thinking of cheating on his wife. My husband told me this. He gave me very little details--other than, "i think joe is going to cheat on sally". My husband was at the gym with Joe the other night, he got home I asked what Joe said. He told me Joe said nothing-- I asked if he would tell me if Joe had said something-- his answer was "NO--it is safer for all parties if I tell you nothing!!!!!!" They protect each other--simple point. Girls don't guy to you mans best friend for cheating info--they won't tell you!!!

But to answer your question----- it has to be your decision. Sorry--not helpful. I am not saying I agree that guys should always protect each other--I am just saying that is usually the way it is.

It would be a tough decision--- I would think about it before making a desicion. If I decided to tell--I am not sure I would out the other party, just maybe the girlfriend--- kind of a "i think i saw your g-friend with someone else" -- guide him, but not tell all the details, let him figure that out.

-wendi

[Kevin]

That's absolutely right...

Is it honestly worth getting involved in? These situations will eventually either go away on their own or they will become dramatic for the people directly involved.

[KillarneyRose]

In a perfect world, you could have a little talk with him and he'd stop seeing her but unfortunately it doesn't really work that way.

James, Alphagam-alum and ktsnake are right. Alphagam especially hit it right on the head; guys do protect each other - right or wrong.

And to tell the truth, if this girl wasn't cheating with your brother she'd probably be cheating with someone else's brother.

[KSig RC]

Originally posted by hendrixski
Who here hasn't either cheated, been cheated on, or cheated with someone else?

If you've been in sexual situations at the average rate, I'd bet most of us have been here - if we like it or not, if we know about it or not.

Anyway - you can give him shit about it if you desire, but realistically unless the girl is another brother's significant other, he's not really doing anything wrong . . . she's the one cheating, technically.

No reason to tell her or her man - you have an obligation to this guy, he's your brother, don't mess with that in any circumstance. Let him do what he does, for better or worse, because you owe him as much. He's your brother.

[Ali Pasha]

If you find out that one of your bros is zzzz with other woman rather than his wife, you just have to take it easy. You don't have to do any reporting or something similar. It just isn't right for you to interfere. But what you gatto get into account is the fact that in the future to be aware of what type your bro is and how much you can rely on him.
Your concern tells me that you're a respectful person, an i believe you've gatto leave it there. Don't tell everything to your bro about your plans as it isn't right as you've prooved in your post that he likes messing around.
re5pect

[KappaTarzan]

Originally posted by Ali Pasha
If you find out that one of your bros is zzzz with other woman rather than his wife, you just have to take it easy. You don't have to do any reporting or something similar. It just isn't right for you to interfere. But what you gatto get into account is the fact that in the future to be aware of what type your bro is and how much you can rely on him.
Your concern tells me that you're a respectful person, an i believe you've gatto leave it there. Don't tell everything to your bro about your plans as it isn't right as you've prooved in your post that he likes messing around.
re5pect

did you seriously just spell respect with a 5?????

oh man.

annnnnyway... so true. girls tell. guys don't. when my ex cheated on me all his male friends knew, as soon as a female found out she told me..

[texas*princess]

I can agree that guys have a certain "code".. but seriously here, I guess morals don't count for anything anymore.

Aren't men in fraternities supposed to hold up to certain "ideals"? Being a gentleman, loyal, honest... or whatever else. I guess no one does anymore ...

Sure, some guys and even some of your BROTHERS might get on your case if you try to do the right thing.. but what does that say about them????

Maybe it's because I'm a "chick".. but I would respect a guy way more if he did the right thing than if he just stuck to his stupid code.

...just my .02....

[James]

I don't understand. Where is the "morality" here for the guy that "knows" whats going on?

He has no committment to anyone. He isn't doing anything wrong.
Also, being a gentleman has adifferent definitions for men and women.

Anyway, well some woman please explain to little old me the moral dilemna here lol?

Originally posted by texas*princess
I can agree that guys have a certain "code".. but seriously here, I guess morals don't count for anything anymore.

Aren't men in fraternities supposed to hold up to certain "ideals"? Being a gentleman, loyal, honest... or whatever else. I guess no one does anymore ...

Sure, some guys and even some of your BROTHERS might get on your case if you try to do the right thing.. but what does that say about them????

Maybe it's because I'm a "chick".. but I would respect a guy way more if he did the right thing than if he just stuck to his stupid code.

...just my .02....

[Peaches-n-Cream]

It's best to mind your own business in this situation...unless the guy being cheated on is your brother or friend. Then it gets really sticky.

For the record, I have never cheated on anyone.

I do know of a situation where a friend's husband cheated on her with someone very close to me. I have decided that it is best to stay out of this situation. It's none of my business, my friend is blissfully ignorant, and the fling is over. If I were to open this can of worms, it could break up a family. I don't want to play any role in that. It was difficult because everytime I see this man, I want to smack him in the face for being such an idiot and almost throwing a granade in his marriage. What a jerk!

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by Cream
I do know of a situation where a friend's husband cheated on her with someone very close to me. I have decided that it is best to stay out of this situation. It's none of my business, my friend is blissfully ignorant, and the fling is over. If I were to open this can of worms, it could break up a family. I don't want to play any role in that. It was difficult because everytime I see this man, I want to smack him in the face for being such an idiot and almost throwing a granade in his marriage. What a jerk!

If I were in this situation, I would've told her. If nothing else, she deserves to know to protect herself from diseases and such, although I think she deserves to know, period. I don't think she's blissfully ignorant so much as living a lie. I can't even imagine how shitty I would feel if my friend knew my guy was cheating and didn't tell me, because I think that friends owe that to each other. If I ever found out that a friend knew and didn't tell me, I'd never speak to her again.

Anyway, if the family breaks up, it's not because someone told her he was cheating -- it's because he *was* cheating. He *did* throw a grenade into his marriage -- there's no "almost" about it, and she's just walking around unaware of it and I think that one day it will explode. I'd guess that he's probably going to do it again, too. Why shouldn't he? He got away with it the first time (if that even was the first time).

Back to the original poster, I think that if you are friends with the woman's boyfriend, you should tell him, but if you're not, it's really not your problem, although your brother is being pretty shitty (and who really wants a shitty brother)? I can understand messing around with someone else's S.O. for a very brief period of time, like if their relationship is ending anyway, but not if it's an ongoing thing where she's cheating for weeks and weeks and he doesn't know about it.

I guess when it comes down to it, though, I don't understand the point of extended cheating. If you're that unsatisfied in your relationship, why in the hell are you in it?

I'm happty to see people responded to my post, many sharing my oppinions. I was affraid people would tell me something like "it's your place to set them straight, and make the world know they're an adulterer"

And I agree that brothers girlfriends are off limits, but if that were the case (or something else, like she was married) would that make it any different?


A few brothers have the concern that just because this one brother is a player, that it will tarnish the houses image. If so how powerful of a "bad image" would something like this cast if word got out?

[XOMichelle]

Wow. So, we are all supposed to protect the cheating men here? WTF! That is the most sure fire way to have everyone cheating in their long term relationships. You guys are spouting bullshit. Get some guts and stand up for what you believe in hendrixski.


In some respects someone else's love life is none of your business, but on another level, you are perpetuating and supporting this guy's behavior if you don't let your disapproval be known. I'm not saying you should go tell everyone you know about this guys sleeping around, you never know what he will repent in the future, but you should at least let it be known that you think what him and this girl are doing is wrong. I mean, if they really want to be together, why don't the girl and her boyfriend break up?

I can't believe you all think silence is the best policy.
-M

[Ali Pasha]

Hi again Henry and all,
As i said before this is important people take the things easy and mind their business.
One thing i didn't quite get from you Henry is do you all live in a big house togather?
My guess would be no, you don't. So, what's the trouble?
You have a life of your own and need not the others trouble. Your brother only cheated, but there is worst. Imagine having a low-life, criminal, thief etc for brother. Wouldn't you leave him on his business? Or would you sympathize with his views?
This idea of telling the world, and set them straight is more of a Balkan discriminating antic policy having its roots in communist past.
From the other side we have these people i would call them highly civilized that ignore sex, they just ignore sex and don't let it ruin their lives. I think this is something to do with possession, not wanting your partner to engage in sexual intercourse with others, which is blind and selfish.
These religious backwardness that suppress people should no longer be taken into account in the 21 century.
L8r
ps, as with regard to Re5pect, KappaTarzan let me give you a hint "Boyakasha"
Re5pect