Relationship questions

[jennybloch]

I've been lurking here awhile, and I think most of you have really good opinions to share, so here goes.

I've been with a guy for about 3 years now. We of course went through that lovey-dovey can't spend enough time with each other phase, and now it's grown into the been together for awhile phase where you start thinking a little differently about each other. I'd like to keep the spark going; we have no problems in the bedroom (sorry if that's too much information) but sometimes when we're just hanging out it inevitably ends up in an argument. It's like he doesn't even care to talk to me. Maybe we spend too much time with each other. I don't know. I guess I should get to my questions...these are for girls and guys:

How do you show your boy/girlfriend you love them?
Do they get on your nerves more than they should?
How do you know when that person is THE person?
When your boy/girlfriend is annoying you, do you subtly hint at that fact or do you just flat out tell them, regardless of their feelings?
Do you ever feel like you're not good enough (pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough?)?

Sorry for all the questions. I'm just in a bit of a questioning place right now I just wanted to get some opinions. Thanks in advance.

[Imthechamp]

I always feel like I am good enough for the person I'm with. In fact, many times I feel that they are not good enough for me.

Hey! I have high standards!

P.S. 3 years is too long. Dump that fool and find someone new.

[BearyCuteAPhi]

I do not agree with Imthechamp...I think that you've been together for 3yrs for a reason....and you are definately going about thihngs the right way by trying and asking for advice...I am not sure what to tell you though...b/c I am not there yet, but I fear that I might be getting close...well anyway, I don't know about other ppl but in my relationship I'll do anything for my BF as he would for me usually..we usually have a disagreement with certain issues, like going out with the guys...i don't mind it, I think its good but when you are willing to break plans w/me for them but then sometimes you aren't willing to do the same for me, bothers me Does that happen to you? Ok I am sorry I just went on and on...I'll stop now.

ronnie

[AXOLiz]

Sorry, I'm not going to directly answer your questions either, but here's the way I see your situation:

When you spend too much time with your family, do you tend to get into little petty arguments? How about with your good friends? Your answer's probably yes, and even if you don't *argue*, there have probably been times when your family was driving your nuts or a good friend was driving you nuts.

After 3 years, you've gotten to the point where you don't do the lovey-dovey stuff, like you said (and, personally, I think the couples that do WAY too much of that after a few years are covering up for a relaitonship isn't there). From my experience, early on you're just so excited to be together that you tell each other every little mundane detail of your lives and plan for your future together and basically think you're both the best couple ever.

Once you get past that and don't need to talk about how much you love each other and prove it constantly, things can get kind of boring. When people get bored, they tend to get crabby sometimes and that's when stupid nit-picky fights tend to happen. Also, if you're seeing the lack of excitement as a point of insecurity about the relationship, talking about anything around that issue might also cause little fights, especially if it's a sore subject and he doesn't see a problem or views it differently.

My suggestion would be to get something to talk about. This will probably work best if you both have different things to discuss. Take a class you've always wanted to take, hang out with your friends some more, encourage him to go out with his friends, start a hobby, anything. Sounds like most of the problem is that you're together so much and you're such a large part of each others' lives that you lost some of the individuality that you both saw in each other and liked from the start. If you start to get that back, you'll have more to talk about and will (hopefully) renew some of your interest in each other.

As for not thinking you're good enough....you've been together for 3 years. He obviously sees something in you that you might not see in yourself, so don't worry about it. If there's something you'd like to change about yourself, do it because it'll make you feel better, not because you think you have to in order to be "good enough" for someone else.

[ZTAngel]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We're past the lovey dovey stage but there's so many great things that come with that. You're now at that stage where you're completely comfortable with him and you know that he'll love you no matter what. A few months ago, I got ill with a stomach virus while I was at his place. If he was still able to say "I love you" and want to be around me even when my head was in the toilet and my skin was close to a shade of gray, then I know that we're meant for each other.
In all seriousness though, most couples get to that stage where telling each other all the time that they love each other is not the way to go and sometimes they will fight over stupid stuff. I look at my own parents who have been together for over 25 years. They aren't all over each other (THANK GOD!!!) and they get annoyed with each other but, at the same time, they truly love each other. Do you truly love your boyfriend? Then that's all that matters.
And, yes, I will tell my boyfriend flat out that he's annoying me but I am a very blunt person so that's just my personality. That's what happens when you spend a lot of time with someone...you're bound to get annoyed. Take up a hobby or have a Girl's Night Out once a week. That'll keep the two of you out of each other's way so that you won't get as annoyed.

[sororitygirl2]

How do you show your boyfriend you love him? Just by being caring and doing nice things.

Do they get on your nerves more than they should? No matter who you are with, there will alway be some problems... no relationship is perfect in the purest sense of the word.

How do you know when it's right? It's right when you can be happier with the imperfections than with the monotony of someone there is no problems with...

How do you tell them if they annoy you/make you mad? Just tell them... If you care about someone, then they will sometimes hurt/upset you just because you care and no one does everything right ALL THE TIME. you just have to learn to work through it together...

Do you ever feel like your not good enough? This isn't an issue within a relationship, it is an issue within you. You have to feel like you are good enough for the President/Queen/God before you can truly have a super relationship... Well, that's what I think anyway...

[AXO_MOM_3]

I've been married for eight years, and we are still getting along great, and having fun most of the time! Some ways that we keep things alive...having a date night at least once or twice a month. We get a sitter and go out to dinner, or wherever with just the two of us, and talk and play without the interruptions from our little darlings. We also have Friday presents - we alternate weeks, and buy each other a gift. It does not have to be anything big - lots of times my Friday present is a bouquet of flowers and dinner fixed by my dh. It can be anything from a paperback book to a surprise night away somewhere. It keeps things fun, and gives you something to look forward to all week.

Nerves - I think everyone gets on my nerves at some point. But the question is, is it big enough to let it drive me crazy? Most of the time no - usually we just take some space in a different part of the house for a few hours. I've pretty much learned when to leave him alone, and he knows when to leave me alone! And we try to keep irritations lighthearted when possible...example... are you going to empty the garbabe today or shall we just start using the kitchen floor?

I just knew from our first conversation that this was a man that I could marry. Funny - he felt the same way!

I just tell him when he is bugging me or making me mad!

At times, I feel like I should lose some of this baby weight, but it will all come in time. DH still tells me I'm beautiful even with the few extra pounds! But I am good enough, regardless!