COB discouragement

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by SigmaCat

This is the bottom line. I know that most people rush assuming that the rules won't apply to them, but everybody really should enter the process assuming that their first formal rush is their best (and maybe only) shot at going Greek.

Exactly. Or maybe it's not someone's only shot at being Greek, but all potential members should keep in mind that first impressions mean a lot.

I'm not saying that this is the reason the OP is struggling now, but... sorority women aren't only friends with sisters of their own org. They talk. And the OP being invited to Sorority ABC's preference party and not showing up might have negatively affected her chances at Sororities DEF and GHI because they're also in some way offended that the OP didn't give ABC a chance.

If you offend one sorority woman (or chapter), chances are you're offending dozens or perhaps hundreds of women.

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by Theta1234

P.S. It is really poor form not to attend pref. Think about it from the perspective of the ladies of that house. They have shined everything. They have practiced and they probably did something very specific for you--wrote a note, created a gift, etc. You didn't have to accept their offer of sisterhood, but by not attending their pref. ceremony, you essentially spat in their face. Can you imagine the sister who was assigned to you, that did all of the work that morning and was waiting for you at the door to the house only to find herself alone at the party? She was putting her best foot forward and you blew her off. I know you were probably really disappointed on that day when you lost your favorites. You were hurt. However, our hearts also break for the girls to work so hard to create a beautiful pref experience and then have PNMs refuse to come to their home. That's why some here get a little harsh to those who don't attend pref. I wish you the very best for the future and hope that one day you can attend a pref party and see all the work that is done for each special PNM.

Disappointment on both sides, right?

This happened to my daughter her first year as an active, when the PNM she had preffed and was assigned to greet on Bid Day didn't show up. She was so disappointed, as everyone else was hugging a new member and she was left standing and waiting and scanning for the one girl who had decided not to accept her bid.

Keri12, please realize that you're not starting with a clean slate during COB. Women were hurt, and as ASTAlumna said, they talk when they're hurt and disappointed.

I also wish you the best, and I sincerely hope you have another chance to join a sisterhood. Waiting until next year might work out better.

I didn’t originally want to drop from sorority recruitment I was planning to go to preference that day and drop after that, however my RC noticed my makeup was splotched and you could tell I’ve been crying. It was more sad that I wasn’t even able to hold a conversation with my RC without crying which was embarrassing enough and she told me it was in my best interest to drop rather than trying to be superficial to the other sororities. In no way am I trying to justify my reasoning for dropping I know girls who put a lot of work into recruitment, but I don’t think I would’ve been able to make it through preference even when having an open mind through the whole process. Thanks for all the future advices and tips however.

[Theta1234]

Keri,

On your behalf, I want to take your Rho Gam to the woodshed. You were given very BAD advice. Girls cry all the time on pref day. Emotions are ALL.OVER.THE.PLACE on that day. People are tired, stressed and emotional. Actives are used to splotchy faces and teary eyes. Often it is because they were moved by the ceremony, but even if it is something different, it allows the ladies of the house to talk "real" with you and help address any of your concerns. So much of recruitment is superficial. When you show emotion, it allows for real talk. Once again, I am sorry you were given the advice to withdraw. Truly, best wishes for the future.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by keri12

I didn’t originally want to drop from sorority recruitment I was planning to go to preference that day and drop after that, however my RC noticed my makeup was splotched and you could tell I’ve been crying. It was more sad that I wasn’t even able to hold a conversation with my RC without crying which was embarrassing enough and she told me it was in my best interest to drop rather than trying to be superficial to the other sororities. In no way am I trying to justify my reasoning for dropping I know girls who put a lot of work into recruitment, but I don’t think I would’ve been able to make it through preference even when having an open mind through the whole process. Thanks for all the future advices and tips however.

Please don't mistake politeness and open-mindedness with superficiality. Perhaps you don't know the meaning of the word, and I'm hoping you don't, because if you do, and you felt that going to that sorority's pref party and smiling would equal you being superficial, then you really shouldn't be Greek.

And what Theta1234 said is correct. You crying is not abnormal. Did your Rho Gam even try to convince you to attend pref, or did she see you crying and recommend you don't go?

[33girl]

I seriously would report your rho chi. This is beyond bad advice.