The sorority i'm in is making me depressed

lo52jo · #1 03-03-2016, 04:37 PM

I am a pledge in a sorority and I am so upset in it. I had my heart set on sorority XYZ round 1 of rush, met a girl who's mom happened to be in the same sorority as my mom at a different school, made it all the way to pref with them, the girl who prefed me said things like "It's up to you as to whether or not you are here tomorrow", "I fought for you to pref you cause other people wanted to", "When I met you I ran up to my best friend in the house and said 'I found your little'", "you embody everything a girl in this housse should be", pretty much promising me a bid. Bid day I get my second choice sorority and I was beyond miserable on bid day and didn't leave my bed for 48 hours I was so upset but everyone told me to stick it out and that I would soon begin to love the house I am in currently and would forget about house XYZ. I've been a pledge for a month now and I am so upset still and unhappy. It's not even the pledging activities we have to do, I don't mind them and some if it sucks but it doesn't really bother me. I went home for a weekend because I wanted to see my therapist. I was set on dropping because my therapist said it was the best option for my mental health and I was going to rush again as a sophmore spring semester, but was pretty much told by multiple people (in and not in greek life) that if I drop I will most likely be blackisted by majority of the other sororities on campus because I waited too long to drop and it will look bad. I have wanted to be in a sorority since I was 12 so the idea of going through college not being in one scares me. I have been miserable ever since I got my bid from my second choice. I even think I'd be happier in my third choice and wish I put that second. I don't know what to do and my mom, friends, family, etc. have noticed a drastic change in my personality ever since I started pledging. I really do not know what to do.

clemsongirl · #2 03-03-2016, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lo52jo

I am a pledge in a sorority and I am so upset in it. I had my heart set on sorority XYZ round 1 of rush, met a girl who's mom happened to be in the same sorority as my mom at a different school, made it all the way to pref with them, the girl who prefed me said things like "It's up to you as to whether or not you are here tomorrow", "I fought for you to pref you cause other people wanted to", "When I met you I ran up to my best friend in the house and said 'I found your little'", "you embody everything a girl in this housse should be", pretty much promising me a bid. Bid day I get my second choice sorority and I was beyond miserable on bid day and didn't leave my bed for 48 hours I was so upset but everyone told me to stick it out and that I would soon begin to love the house I am in currently and would forget about house XYZ. I've been a pledge for a month now and I am so upset still and unhappy. It's not even the pledging activities we have to do, I don't mind them and some if it sucks but it doesn't really bother me. I went home for a weekend because I wanted to see my therapist. I was set on dropping because my therapist said it was the best option for my mental health and I was going to rush again as a sophmore spring semester, but was pretty much told by multiple people (in and not in greek life) that if I drop I will most likely be blackisted by majority of the other sororities on campus because I waited too long to drop and it will look bad. I have wanted to be in a sorority since I was 12 so the idea of going through college not being in one scares me. I have been miserable ever since I got my bid from my second choice. I even think I'd be happier in my third choice and wish I put that second. I don't know what to do and my mom, friends, family, etc. have noticed a drastic change in my personality ever since I started pledging. I really do not know what to do.

Are you miserable because you can't stop thinking about getting your first choice sorority? Let them go, because they didn't give you a bid and moping around about it won't make your situation magically change. Ask yourself what you do like about the group you're in-do you have friends in your pledge class or a big sister you look up to?

If the "pledging activities" are activities that are considered hazing, ask yourself if you really want to stay in an organization that treats its new members that way.

DubaiSis · #3 03-03-2016, 04:55 PM

Sororities don't make girls happy. You can decide to be happy (and get the appropriate counseling to help this process along) or you can drop or you can decide to be unhappy. Your choice. It's not the sorority's fault.

Cheerio · #4 03-03-2016, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

Sororities don't make girls happy. You can decide to be happy (and get the appropriate counseling to help this process along) or you can drop or you can decide to be unhappy. Your choice. It's not the sorority's fault.

+1

Titchou · #5 03-03-2016, 06:16 PM

+1 more

33girl · #6 03-03-2016, 07:57 PM

I doubt very much that the "pledging activities" are hazing,.more like "they suck because they aren't at my first choice sorority. "

I'm sorry that you were dirty rushed and lied to by your "first choice" because that is exactly what happened. You can keep being sad about a group who mistreated and misled you or try to be happy with the group who actually extended you a chance at sisterhood.

lo52jo · #7 03-03-2016, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I doubt very much that the "pledging activities" are hazing,.more like "they suck because they aren't at my first choice sorority. "

I'm sorry that you were dirty rushed and lied to by your "first choice" because that is exactly what happened. You can keep being sad about a group who mistreated and misled you or try to be happy with the group who actually extended you a chance at sisterhood.

it is hazing but it doesn't bother me at all

Cheerio · #8 03-03-2016, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lo52jo

I am a pledge in a sorority and I am so upset in it.

I had my heart set on sorority XYZ round 1 of rush...Bid day I get my second choice sorority and I was beyond miserable on bid day and didn't leave my bed for 48 hours I was so upset...

I've been a pledge for a month now and I am so upset still and unhappy...

I went home for a weekend because I wanted to see my therapist. I was set on dropping because my therapist said it was the best option for my mental health...

I have wanted to be in a sorority since I was 12 so the idea of going through college not being in one scares me. I have been miserable ever since I got my bid from my second choice.

I don't know what to do and my mom, friends, family, etc. have noticed a drastic change in my personality ever since I started pledging.

I really do not know what to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

...You can decide to be happy (and get the appropriate counseling to help this process along) or you can drop or you can decide to be unhappy.

Your choice.

It's not the sorority's fault.

Quote:

Originally Posted by clemsongirl

...If the "pledging activities" are activities that are considered hazing, ask yourself if you really want to stay in an organization that treats its new members that way.

Because we do not know you personally, please re-read your words to us and our responses.

Sometimes the best help comes from within, and from those who know you and whom you trust most.

33girl · #9 03-04-2016, 02:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lo52jo

it is hazing but it doesn't bother me at all

What is it?

PhilTau · #10 03-04-2016, 03:00 PM

Isn't "pledging" now called new member orientation? Anyway, if you've gone through this for a month, isn't "pledging" almost over? I have to admit that I am one of the few who depledged a fraternity after a month of pledging and then pledged a different fraternity a year later. It wasn't an easy thing to do emotionally and I would not recommend trying it unless you have an abundance of self confidence and better than average social skills. (Though I am not saying that, at the time, I had either.)

Have you made one friend in your new sorority? If you have, I'd say treasure that one friendship and hang in there. Many people get depressed at college and chances are you are not be the only one in your "pledge" class that is having a problem. Most universities have mental health professionals on staff to help students with mental problems. Before you do anything, go see one of them.

Finally, if you quit your current sorority, you will not likely ever get an invitation to your first choice. There are things in life where you only get second choice, if you are lucky. Many people get 5th or 6th choice, if any.

DZ_Turtle86 · #11 03-04-2016, 05:38 PM

You say that your sorority is making you depressed, but without knowing you, my observation is that you have something much deeper to resolve. You and your therapist have a longer relationship than you and your sorority, and maybe he or she can help you see what the real underlying issue of your sadness is.

It's doubtful that being in a sorority for a month can be the sole reason for your overwhelming sadness, any more than being in a different one will be one-stop magical solution for the happiness you're looking for.

Sciencewoman · #12 03-04-2016, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhilTau

Isn't "pledging" now called new member orientation? Anyway, if you've gone through this for a month, isn't "pledging" almost over? I have to admit that I am one of the few who depledged a fraternity after a month of pledging and then pledged a different fraternity a year later. It wasn't an easy thing to do emotionally and I would not recommend trying it unless you have an abundance of self confidence and better than average social skills. (Though I am not saying that, at the time, I had either.)

Have you made one friend in your new sorority? If you have, I'd say treasure that one friendship and hang in there. Many people get depressed at college and chances are you are not be the only one in your "pledge" class that is having a problem. Most universities have mental health professionals on staff to help students with mental problems. Before you do anything, go see one of them.

Finally, if you quit your current sorority, you will not likely ever get an invitation to your first choice. There are things in life where you only get second choice, if you are lucky. Many people get 5th or 6th choice, if any.

This is good advice.

In addition, I am wondering about the sorority climate at your university. One chapter "dirty rushed" you and the one you joined is hazing. I think there are some issues going on that need to be addressed.

DubaiSis · #13 03-05-2016, 10:41 AM

Or she took friendly conversation as a bid promise. Since the things she quoted weren't bid promises and she glossed over what was actually said that was a promise, my guess is reality didn't match expectation and that caused the meltdown. And since she hasn't said what specific hazing has happened, she may just not like that she has to attend meetings.

I would be careful about placing too much blame on the chapters or system in question.

DGTess · #14 03-05-2016, 11:35 AM

"I have wanted to be in a sorority since I was 12 ..."

You're in a sorority.

In my military career, we called that "bring me a rock". As in "Not that - that's a pebble." "Bring me a rock." "Not that, that's a stone." "Bring me a rock." "Not that, that's a boulder." "Bring me a rock."

What do you really want?