Graduated GDI dating Sorority Girl

[geedeamonggreek]

Originally Posted by navane

geedeamonggreek,


I appreciate that you at least had enough self-awareness to come here to seek some advice. I commend you for that.


I will chime in to say that I agree with the other posters here who are expressing concern over the level of "clingy-ness" you've displayed. As I read your initial post, I was immediately struck by your worry that your girlfriend would be busy for 8 days and that her participation in the sorority's recruitment activities would cause her to pull away from you and the relationship. That concerns me. Yes, yes, you mentioned a bit about the coming semester as well; but, that you are struggling to separate yourself from her and the relationship for what amounts to one week is worrisome.


Think about this being applied to other situations in life. For example, what if her father or mother fell sick with a terrible illness and she needed to spend a couple weeks at home helping out full-time. She needs to give 100% focus to her mom's rehabilitation and doesn't have the time to call you between cooking, cleaning, bathing her mom, driving to doctor's appointments and picking up prescriptions. Would you be worried that her mother's cancer would come inbetween your girlfriend and you? Sounds silly, right? Ridiculous even. That's because a relationship should be a supportive experience for each person. She's busy this WEEK with a school activity. There will be times when YOU will be busy and will need to "step away" for a time and she will be the one sitting on the sidelines. But, that's how life goes. If your connection can't survive a week or a couple of weeks, then the relationship isn't strong to start with.


Take it from me. I'm a Fire Captain. I work 24-hour shifts and I work two back-to-back shifts a week (48 hours straight). This week and next, I am scheduled for 3 shifts....that's 72-hours straight being away from home. When we get called up for large wildland fires, we can be gone for up to 14-days at a time. It's not an easy life for a family - especially with me being a female. If I ever get married, I'm going to need a man who understands my line of work. We have a saying in the fire and police services - one needs a spouse who can "embrace the badge". That is, a partner who understands what this line of work entails, the tough work hours and the mental toll it takes to be married to a police officer or firefighter. AND we can add military, business executives, airline pilots, on-call surgeons, etc, etc to the list!


You have it easy. Your lady is "only" in a college sorority with a couple of weeks of tough scheduling. This will be the least of your worries in life. Embrace her badge.

We definitely do have it easy...and there are millions of things that are worse that can happen. We did make a oromise to never get too deep in what were involved in, where it essentially takes over our lives, because we want to have that too. We've been together since last fall, and I've never been happier. That being said, I never dated someone who was busy with recruitment, and the worry came from not just the recruitment side of things, because we know it's just a week. It's the commitments that come afterwords (on both sides) that I worry may get in the way (she goes out while I go to a game, or I'm at home while she's busy with chapter). Communication is key, it's always going to be key. I'm trusting her more, I really am. The beginning of the sorority season just new to me, and I guess I didn't realize the intensity of it until this week. (We originally were gonna hang out last night and tonight....that didn't happen due to work week going late) I just want to make things work no matter what, I just don't want to get lied to either though, or be up waiting too late/getting excited for nothing at all. That part just happens to me way too much. That also being said, I'm gonna support. I'm gonna be on the sidelines, and that's alright.

Thank you Navane,
You definitely have given me a better point of view with this situation! (And not as harsh as some of the intense posts I've seen today, haha.)

[andthen]

Also use this as an opportunity to communicate your expectations of one another. As life progresses and school ends as other posters previously mentioned life is going to sometimes intrude on your time that you might be able to spend together. For my job I have to travel a couple of times a year which means being away from the Mr. When he and I started dating I had made arrangements before he came into the picture to travel overseas.

Although I would miss him, I told him honestly that this is my life and travel does bring me much joy. And I'm sure he would have preferred I not be gone, he understood, accepted it, and was supportive (meaning not dwelling on the fact I would be gone for a little while). I wasn't going to be gone forever, or months at a time.

I think at least for you as it seems like you have some self awareness, think if you were in a similar situation for example work obligations, you're required to work crazy hours to meet a deadline. What would the best way your loved one could support but not be overbearing.

Also I truly believe that if things are meant to be you both will find a way to make it work.