Dealing with mean PNM's

[thecon]

33girl,

Thanks! That's a good idea. I know we had at least one crying girl at pref last year, and the sister who was with her had no idea what to do and got really flustered herself, because said PNM kept talking about how she didn't want to be there, thought she would have gotten a bid at ABC/XYZ, etc.

As for my current sisters-- for the most part everyone seems pretty happy! Which, I'm glad of. I can't speak for the whole house, but there only seems to be frustration during Philo events (if we're a noticeably smaller group than the other houses, XYZ has 40 girls competing in something and we have 7, etc) and during recruitment-- which is stressful for everyone. I know my pledge class is very close, and we only had one drop. Like I said, things are getting better and I think with hard work we'll grow. ^^

Clemson Girl:

I actually didn't know no phones was a common rule, I'll try to find out from our delegate! Thanks!

Sigmagirl2000:

Thanks for explaining a bit, I admit I don't know much about the RFM! Just that many of my sisters (myself included) have been frustrated with not being able to release PNM's that are negative and clearly don't want to be a sister because they're "destined to be an XYZ".

[KDCat]

You need to be relaxed and confident in yourself and your chapter. You can't make someone want to be at your party.

You need to work on basic communication skills with your chapter. Your body language should be open and relaxed. You should make eye contact. You should sit squarely facing the person you are talking to. You should lean forward a little bit.

Any conversation should be based on good listening. You need to be respectful and empathetic. You should show genuine interest in the other person. You need to give the PNM space to talk about herself. People like to talk about themselves. Lots of recruitment conversations can be really scripted. If you give broad openings and let the person pick the one that interests her, you can get to a more genuine conversation that makes her feel good about herself and about your chapter. Ie. "What make you decide to come to ABC University?" is a better opening than "What's your major?" Asking a major requires a very specific answer. "Why did you pick ABC?" allows the person to expand in any direction and gives you lots of conversational hooks. Other good, broad openers: "What have you liked best about campus so far?" "What are you looking forward to doing at school this year?" If they say they came to ABC because they wanted to join a really great dance team, ask them to tell you about their plans to get involved with dance team. If they tell you that they came to ABC because they really love robotics engineering, ask them how they decided to major in robotics. Just get them to tell you something about themselves and then talk about that.

With the specific problems you pointed out:

If someone is crying at pref, ask her why. "Hey, you seem really upset. What's wrong?" Listen to her. Talk to her about it. Show some empathy. Be sisterly. Recruitment is super stressful for PNMs. If she says that she can't believe that she was cut by every other chapter, tell her that you understand that she is disappointed and that recruitment is stressful. Then tell her that your chapter would like to have her as a sister and that you've found a great sisterhood in your chapter. Tell her why you love it. Tell her that you'll understand if she chooses not to submit a bid card, but that you'd like her to try it because you've found it to be really great. Even if you don't pick her up, she will remember you for being kind when she was a hot mess. That can only improve your reputation.

If someone is ignoring you, find something about her to talk about. Admire her shoes or hair or outfit. Flattery works! It can at least draw the girl out and get her to talk so you aren't talking to a wall for the whole party.

If someone is texting, ask her to put it away. Say very sweetly "Oh... phones at parties are recruitment violations! You should put that away before the Rho Chi sees it! I don't want you to get in trouble!" (I don't know that people are being mean with their phones. Some people just don't realize how obnoxious their phone behavior is.)