COB and how these bids work! - Page 3

Titchou · #1 02-01-2015, 09:08 AM

All chapters have some nice girls and you will like women in all of them. Formal recruitment is an entirely different experience. You won't have time to just visit around and have less structured conversations. It will be rapid and you'll be herded thru. Whether or not that environment allows one to feel a stronger connection, who knows. You are the only one who can answer your questions. We can't.

SoCalGirl · #2 02-01-2015, 09:59 AM

If you aren't "feeling it" with the chapters you've met so far, there's nothing wrong with not accepting a bid and going through formal. Just be sure to politely decline and let the chapters know that you plan to go through formal.

Your chances of getting a bid as a sophomore will vary largely based on your school. If your willing to go through the stress of formal and risk not getting a bid at all, go for it.

DubaiSis · #3 02-01-2015, 12:57 PM

If you go to school at an SEC or Big 10-type school, I would take the option you have in front of you. First, they take far fewer sophomores. Second, having 15 or 20 doesn't make it easier, it makes it harder. And thirdly, mutual selection is kind of bunk. In informal you have a huge say in your own process. In formal your say is to accept what you get or drop out. plus it it wildly impersonal. That it succeeds at all in making sororities work is kind of miraculous. Oh, and this way you get to start having fun NOW, not in 6 or 7 months.

But, as been said before, if you are going to continue to look for greener pastures and wonder if you could have been an Awesome Alpha and let it diminish your sorority experience then you should wait.

als463 · #4 02-01-2015, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

If you go to school at an SEC or Big 10-type school, I would take the option you have in front of you. First, they take far fewer sophomores. Second, having 15 or 20 doesn't make it easier, it makes it harder. And thirdly, mutual selection is kind of bunk. In informal you have a huge say in your own process. In formal your say is to accept what you get or drop out. plus it it wildly impersonal. That it succeeds at all in making sororities work is kind of miraculous. Oh, and this way you get to start having fun NOW, not in 6 or 7 months.

But, as been said before, if you are going to continue to look for greener pastures and wonder if you could have been an Awesome Alpha and let it diminish your sorority experience then you should wait.

I agree with everything DubaiSis said. It almost appears as though you are looking for a bigger-better-deal, OP. If you went to 2-5 houses and did not find a fit, I am thinking you may be really disappointed if you go through formal recruitment at an SEC or Big10 school. I say this with experience of recruitment at both types of schools. You might want to really sit down and think about why you want to go chase that bigger and better deal.

navane · #5 02-01-2015, 03:05 PM

OP, I'm concerned that you sound so hung-up on meeting all of the chapters - even though you readily admit the chapters you've already met have had nice girls and you've received TWO bids.

It sounds to me like you're waffling so much that you can't make a decision on the choices in front of you. I wouldn't want you to take a bid at COB and then spend your days staring over at another house wishing that maybe you could have been a member somewhere else. If it's going to bother you in the bottom of your heart and you will always wonder "what if", then, yes, my personal opinion is to go do formal recruitment. Just keep in mind that formal recruitment may or may not work out the way you had planned or hoped; BUT, at least you got to "meet all of the houses", right?

Sometimes in life, we have to put our big girl pants on and make the call and not rely on everyone else (ie. strangers on the internet) to tell us what we should do. YOU are the one who needs to make the final call.

pinksequins · #6 02-01-2015, 04:05 PM

Confused, Navane's advice is spot-on. Your posts suggest you may difficulty making choices with less than perfect information. That is going to be the case with most choices in life. Now that you have met upwards of 7 groups, you have seen a good cross-section of chapters. That none of them have spoken to you suggests that you are looking for something unrealistic. So your choice now is to politely decline and proceed with formal recruitment or take a good hard inward look and say, "You know, I am not going to be swept off my feet by any of them even in the fall because that only happens in Disney movies or to Reese Witherpoon and her pink chihuahua". Reread Navane's advice again as you decide.

Also, reread Dubaissis' distinction between informal and formal. You will meet all of the groups, but you will receive invitation lists prior to ensuing rounds. Those lists may not be houses with that woo-hoo feeling and may include many that you have seen now. They often won't match your listings (because it really is the chapters that hold the cards as to whom to invite again.) You also will be seeing them in a faster more structured setting.

I am wondering, have you not met any sorority women in your dorm or classes that help you form any opinion on a group?

pinksequins · #7 02-01-2015, 04:22 PM

Confused, ask yourself these two questions and be honest answering it for yourself: Will I still struggle to decide among 17, then 10, then 6 and then 3 chapters Y/N? And most importantly, can I be happy in a house that does not sweep me off my feet but is not a psycho/mean girls/other deleterious attribute house?

ComradesTrue · #8 02-01-2015, 04:57 PM

I am with your mom. You like these girls..they like you. Why not start having fun right now? You get a whole extra semester to be in a sorority and enjoy the benefits. You are WAY overthinking this.

Plus, again, formal may not go as favorably. It will be 10x as stressful as what you are experiencing now, and the houses that have a bid for you now may not invite you back throughout the process. There are tons of unknowns with that one too.

But if you do accept one of these bids, then absolutely no looking back. Enjoy that chapter for all it is worth.

Good luck to you.

Titchou · #9 02-01-2015, 05:10 PM

So you want the rah-rah up front and damned whatever the reality may be? Because that is exactly what can happen. everyone is "rah-rah love my group" in formal recruitment. What you are seeing now is what you will see all the time. The rah-rah is only during formal recruitment. You need to think about that!

And ALL groups are ones you should be proud to be a member of. All of us here belong to different groups and you see how we feel. We wouldn't be here helping others if we weren't proud of our groups. you are so going down the wrong road with that idea.

pinksequins · #10 02-01-2015, 06:26 PM

Confused, I think that you may have answered your question.
: )

P.S. Wise words from Titchou -- EVERY house will be over the top during formal recruitment. Each member will LOOOOVE her house. It's a seductive, high octane, staged carnival. Fun, yes, but not representative of day to day life. With informal, you get to see how sisters interact in a normal setting.

P.P.S. We are members of different groups, and we all want to give your Mom a bid. : D

1964Alum · #11 02-01-2015, 07:08 PM

I completely agree with your mom and the other ladies. Rush is a show, a production. REAL sorority life is with your sisters on day in and day out realities.

pinksequins · #12 02-01-2015, 08:31 PM

Confused, I am going to approach this from a slightly different angle and see if this isn't what you may be thinking. Decisions are not easy for you (which is what it is), so you may prefer formal recruitment where the decisions essentially are made for you. This is okay provided that you are prepared that the decisions might not reflect your preferences.

DubaiSis · #13 02-02-2015, 12:34 AM

Clearly you are only going to be happy if you go through formal rush. There's a phrase I learned from EMILY'S List: BOLTY - best of luck to ya. I, and most of my compatriots from large schools think you are full on nuts for turning down a perfectly good bid to 2 different sorority chapters. But your responses have made clear what you want to do. So politely decline the sororities who have given you bids, tell them you want to go through rush in the fall and say something to let them know that you look forward to meeting them again during formal rush. And then hope to god none of them take your utter flakiness as a turn off and cut you round one.

And then I would seriously start working to address this serious problem, self-admitted, that you want to defer personal decisions to other people, even to the hand of fate. Because choosing a spouse or a career is going to make you catatonic.

sigmagirl2000 · #14 02-02-2015, 01:01 AM

I fear you might have burned bridges with several groups when you go through FR. This isn't necessarily the case, but I would be hesitant to extend a bid to someone who I had already extended a bid to and they declined it....

pinksequins · #15 02-02-2015, 06:43 AM

Confused, you are making things too compicated for yourself. Your school is not that different from most schools with large numbers of chapters. The unusual school are in the South (S E C and some ACC) and IU or Texas. Those are not your schools. So, truly, there is nothing unusual about recruitment at your school, and given the number of sororities, I have a hunch which it is. The advice given applies.

Sophomore status at your school is not a game-ender, so fall recruitment is feasible. Declining two bids is not a burned bridge because those two were issued way too early in informal (and those chapters probably know it). You have some relatively new chapters at your school.

However, you have seen more than a third of the chapters. That is a pretty good representation.

Making decisions does not come easy to you, but you need to practice. And you need to practice with less than 100 percent information. Decisions made by default or by others will not develop that skill and may not align with your desires. Make pros and cons lists, review them with your Mom, play eeny-meeny-minie-moe, but just make yourself choose: informal or formal. Either is a valid choice. (And, no, we will not tell you which one to make.)

Many of the posters here are from schools or have advisory experience with schools in your region. The advice has been quite accurate. The core issue is that you are uncomfortable with decisions, but the good news is that is a skill that you can develop! Now is a good time to do so.: )