COB and how these bids work!

[DubaiSis]

Any fool would know, but the socially polite way is to not blurt out the obvious. If they are uncouth enough to ask or have the temerity to be offended, then we have a whole different set of issues.

[pinksequins]

Breathe --- and stick with the game plan of using Spring recruitment to see if you would prefer to go through formal recruitment. While there are many advantages of informal recruitment, the disadvantage is staggered schedules. Keep the mantra of "Thank you but since I did not go through formal recruitment, it is important to meet as many houses as opportunity permits.".

That said, do not say anything about awkward or not "clicking" --- it rubs many the wrong way including on this board. Decline the bid that you wish to decline. For the other bid, since there are events at other houses next week, you might say that you are flattered but still have met only two of 100 houses. You might have to decline this bid and see what next week brings and thereafter you may find yourself going through formal next fall.

Whatever you do, do not feel pressured into accepting a bid as it will prevent you from fall recruitment. If you have to, just decline graciously. You might not receive a bid come fall from that chapter, but there may be 10 other chapters where you will.

Lastly, if you can, stop imagining scenarios. Use Sen's gracious line about to consider a bid. If the deadline is this this weekend, then you may need to decline. And be sweet but honest: "I like ya'll, but I only met two houses. I am feeling rushed in my decision which makes me a bit uncomfortable.". Then decline and move on. Accepting a bid to avoid hurting feelings is the wrong reason to accept.

[DubaiSis]

I'd also like to remind you that rush is like dating. There are always more guys out there and you can't date every one "just to be sure." If you like chapter 2, then accept it. If you want to wait another week or so, that's fine. But it's ok to make a commitment once you're happy. The beauty of informal rush is as soon as there's a match you can STOP, and get on with the business of building lifelong friendships. No, that doesn't mean you necessarily accept the first offer you get, but you can be happy forever with who you've got without having considered every last option.

[33girl]

I wish if there were going to be this many groups open bidding (and apparently bidding enough women that they're having events) that they'd get together and figure out a schedule so parties wouldn't overlap, and set a bid day. It's such unnecessary stress on the PNMs when it's a free for all, and I'm guessing the chapters probably feel it too.

[DGTess]

If you want to belong to a sorority, you have two already who have offered to help you do that.

[33girl]

If I wanted a pair of shoes I could walk a block from my house and get them at Dollar General. It doesn't mean they will be the ones that fit the best or wear the longest.

She's already told groups she would attend their events. To follow through on that commitment is the polite thing to do. I'm not sure why these sororities are trying to buffalo women into signing a bid before they're ready when they know full well there are other events going on.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If I wanted a pair of shoes I could walk a block from my house and get them at Dollar General. It doesn't mean they will be the ones that fit the best or wear the longest.

She's already told groups she would attend their events. To follow through on that commitment is the polite thing to do. I'm not sure why these sororities are trying to buffalo women into signing a bid before they're ready when they know full well there are other events going on.

She accepted those invitations before she was offered a bid. It is not her fault that they waited a week to have a get-together. OP is under no obligation to attend those parties, as there is no guarantee that attending any one will culminate in a bid. However, should she accept the bid of the sorority that she likes, she should send an email to the chapters that have invited her to events this coming week, thanking them for the invitation and informing them that she will not be able to attend as she has accepted a bid from ABC sorority.


OP, we can't( and shouldn't ) tell you what to do. As you mull your possibilities, consider how your campus treats sophomores during formal recruitment-should you turn down these bids to attend the parties this week, only to not be offered a bid, or want to join a sorority from this coming week that does offer you one.Good luck!

FWIW, I have seen many campuses where informal recruitment was held over 2-3 weeks. The chapters set their own timetables, within that allotted time.

In response to why the first two sororities have already offered bids, they may have only a few spots to fill and want the pick of the crop. Why should they have to accommodate those sororities that chose not to hold parties a week later?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

In response to why the first two sororities have already offered bids, they may have only a few spots to fill and want the pick of the crop. Why should they have to accommodate those sororities that chose not to hold parties a week later?

I got the impression from the OP's posts that these were full blown events inviting many rushees, not a situation where the sorority had 2-3 spots that could have quickly been filled by friends of sisters with little fanfare. If that's the case and they choose to have multiple large events for so few spots, they are extraordinarily inefficient.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

OP, do you know nothing about the sororities from the fall semester? Have you met women in some of them? Have you seen them involved in activities that are important to you? Etc. I know this is all happening fast, but also try to use whatever information you have from prior to IR.

[robinseggblue]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I'm not sure why these sororities are trying to buffalo women into signing a bid before they're ready when they know full well there are other events going on.

If campus doesn't have a formal informal recruitment... no one should blame sororities for being on top of their game. Early birds get the best worms.

As for giving 48 hours...that's the max allowed to be given to a PNM to decide on COB bid at my campus... it comes from Panhellenic. Wouldn't come as a surprise if it's a NPC standard at other campi.

[pinksequins]

33, I've seen this strategy and it is particularly stressful on PNMs, particularly those PNMs who have not participated in formal and are trying to give every house a chance.

Confused, B-R-E-A-T-H-E. It's okay. Now, per your other posts, it appears that the decision to decline one bid is pretty straightforward. As to the next decision, a couple of items to consider. First, there is no way in the universe to be completely sure about anything (the man to marry, the school to attend, the job to accept, the house to buy, whether the alternative minimum tax bracket will whack you). You simply have to make a decision on the best available information. Second, as you surmise correctly, your best available information is rather limited at the moment. Your choices accordingly are:

1. Accept and fully own the decision -- no "what ifs". Your attitude has to be "I like them, and listening to my gut, I like them. End of story."

2. Decline and attend the other groups' events. This means that you may not have another chance with the bidding group (at least this Spring and who knows in the fall.). It is the decision that you would rather come up empty handed this spring (but hopefully not) and give fall formal a shot.

If you have invitations/parties with the other five houses, then, yes, you will have to make a decision with limited information. Don't panic -- your moment of cclarity may come in the shower or standing in line at the dining hall.

[FSUZeta]

Look at it this way....you don't have 48 hours to accept or decline a bid during formal recruitment. You do have that luxury in informal.

Life doesn't offer guarantees. There is no guarantee that attending the university you chose to attend is the absolute best choice for you. There is no guarantee that the major you choose will enable you to have a successful career. There is no guarantee that you will love what you do for a living. There is no guarantee that you will get married. There is no guarantee that if you get married you will have a successful marriage. I could go on and on, but you get my drift.

Accept the bid to the sorority you like or don't. Membership in a sorority is like life itself- it is what you make of it.

They gave you 48 hours to make up your mind. They could have demanded a decision right then, but they want you to join, so they gave you time to think things over. Use that time wisely, but don't overthink it. You can drive yourself crazy.

[ladybug12]

FSUZeta, I totally agree with you because I see the sorority's side of it...we have a few open spots so we are going to go out right away and bid the top women out there. I know that does not work with a PNM's wish to sit back and evaluate all possible options...but that is the nature of COB.

I work with several chapters who are currently pledging new members through COB and I always urge them to be agressive rather than wait weeks or string along 3-4 events before bidding their new women.

[pinksequins]

Confused, your posts indicate that meeting as many houses as possible is very important to you. Your choice sounds more like one between informal now or formal in the Fall. Choosing the latter means just looking at groups now with the goal of pursuing a bid in the Fall. You do not sound at all comfortable with the bid in front of you because you haven't seen the houses. If that is truly the case, decline and go see as many houses as possible now and look for a bid next year. The current houses may or may not consider you next year, but if you graciously decline with, "Thank you, but I have decided instead to go through formal recruitment next fall since I missed it this year" you won't burn bridges. You can still visit houses. Then be friendly to every member in the two houses that you encounter -- always wave or say hi. Make every effort to meet women in all of the sororities so that you are better prepared in the Fall. Stop worrying about recruitment structure as that is a pointless worry.

[pinksequins]

Confused, good luck with your decisions. We understand if you want to remain mum until informal is over.