THE "bottom" sorority

[amIblue?]

I'd also like to point out that you don't know that the women that she knew from high school didn't fight for her. They just may not have been enough. I fought hard to the point of tears for a friend that I have had for 40 years (I don't remember not knowing her), who is seriously amazing and crazy impressive with her accomplishments. She has been a more true sister to me than anyone in my sorority over the years. My sorority chose to cut her from rush.

I am saying this because you and your daughter should not resent these girls. You just don't know what goes on in membership selection.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I'd also like to point out that you don't know that the women that she knew from high school didn't fight for her. They just may not have been enough. I fought hard to the point of tears for a friend that I have had for 40 years (I don't remember not knowing her), who is seriously amazing and crazy impressive with her accomplishments. She has been a more true sister to me than anyone in my sorority over the years. My sorority chose to cut her from rush.

I am saying this because you and your daughter should not resent these girls. You just don't know what goes on in membership selection.

Yes, yes, yes!!! They might have been in tears as they went to bat for your daughter-you don't know what happened and neither does your daughter. Nor will you-membership selection is secret.

You should be supportive of your daughter and her sorority. If her chapter has a parents club, join it. Go to Parents weekend. Do what you can to show your daughter how proud you are of her and her chapter. Send her a floral arrangement of the sorority flower (or in the sorority colors if their flower is hard to find) for initiation. Send her cookies in the shape of the chapter mascot.

Any new group has a hard time overcoming the "newness", but as the members get involved in other campus activities and the people who stubbornly cling to the old, established order discover all the smart, cute, sweet girls in the new chapter, things will shift.

If this chapter allows new members to join chapter committees, maybe your daughter can join the sisterhood committee. That committee usually plans activities for the chapter to do that build sisterhood. Things like chapter movie nights (they can probably use a ballroom in the student union), craft nights, potluck suppers, zumba class, salsa dance class, yoga, etc.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Sunny3

I think what really hurt her was the fact that she knew many girls in four of the chapters from high school, and played on the same high school sports team as many of them. She wasn't best friends with any of them, but they certainly were on friendly terms; and these girls knew my daughter's reputation. I know ya'll are going to say that there are thousands of girls going through recruitment with the same qualifications as my daughter, and I understand that. However, she was just hurt that when it came down to it; the girls from her high school didn't fight for her.

On the other side of amiblue's post, it could have been that once they got to college, they realized many of their high school friendships were those of proximity rather than of true emotional connection. "Friendly terms" isn't the same as being friends, and she simply may not have been someone they cared about enough to fight for or to risk their reputation fighting for. I know that sucks to hear, but it's a good lesson to learn, especially nowadays when "friend" has such a different meaning than it used to and so much fake intimacy exists, especially at that age.

Originally Posted by Sunny3

It is just difficult for them all to get to know one another because they do not have a house, and there is nowhere for them all to hang out and get to know one another.

This is a copout. There's no student center? No cafeteria? No local restaurants that are popular with students? If the colonizing sisters haven't thought of it, it's up to your daughter's pledge class to take the bull by the horns and say "we're all going to Applebee's every Thursday before the mixer" or what have you.

Also, as ASTalumna06 alluded, try not to put whatever you went through as a young adult onto her. This may be a good time to step away from everyone's perfect children becoming homecoming queen on Facebook.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by 33girl

On the other side of amiblue's post, it could have been that once they got to college, they realized many of their high school friendships were those of proximity rather than of true emotional connection. "Friendly terms" isn't the same as being friends, and she simply may not have been someone they cared about enough to fight for or to risk their reputation fighting for. I know that sucks to hear, but it's a good lesson to learn, especially nowadays when "friend" has such a different meaning than it used to and so much fake intimacy exists, especially at that age.

This is also possible, but my point is that the OP and her daughter can't and won't know what happened. There's no point in harboring resentment over what may or may not have happened.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

This is also possible, but my point is that the OP and her daughter can't and won't know what happened. There's no point in harboring resentment over what may or may not have happened.

I agree. There's also the possibility that those girls didn't fight for her because they knew she'd be miserable and not fit in. At any rate, what's done is done.

[irishpipes]

For those saying that not having a house is not an obstacle, let me assure you that it is. I can tell which chapter and which school this is. It is NOT easy to find a place to "meet up" when there are over 100 in your new member class alone. I am not saying it means her experience won't be worthwhile, but not having a house makes it very difficult to have a "home base."

To the OP, maybe it would help for her to look at websites/Facebook pages of other chapters of her sorority. That could help her realize that it is more than just the microcosm of her University. There are places where girls would kill to wear her letters. Every single NPC has strong and weak chapters. At least she is enjoying her chapter sisters and hopefully her new member class can get involved on campus and with each other and make a dent in that tough "new sorority" label. In the end, your sorority doesn't make you top tier or bottom tier. Be a top tier person. Make people say, "she's an XYZ?"

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

For those saying that not having a house is not an obstacle, let me assure you that it is. I can tell which chapter and which school this is. It is NOT easy to find a place to "meet up" when there are over 100 in your new member class alone. I am not saying it means her experience won't be worthwhile, but not having a house makes it very difficult to have a "home base."

Can you really truly get to know 100 girls even if you do have a house?

I don't think anyone is suggesting that it's not an obstacle, but getting to know your sisters without a house is entirely possible if you work at it.

Perhaps a private Facebook group for the pledge class would give them all a way to communicate and plan social events, study groups, etc.

[MaryPoppins]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

In the end, your sorority doesn't make you top tier or bottom tier. Be a top tier person. Make people say, "she's an XYZ?"

This is what matters now and then every where else in life.