Getting adopted but not wanting to offend big?

[33girl]

Unless your big has been terminated from the sorority or turned in her pin on her own, you shouldn't look to be adopted into another family. Think of it this way - if your mom passed away and you erased her name off the birth certificate and put your stepmother's name on. That's pretty much what you're doing.

You are going to have a family in school - you're getting twins, for crying out loud. Unless your big is going into a cloistered convent, you can still talk to her and ask her for advice. You got a LOT more than some girls get - and you want to dump her because she GRADUATED??!? What kind of lesson would that send to the girls you are taking as littles? A lot of people actually become closer after graduation when they're not juggling 8 zillion things.

You can hang out with and get support from older sisters without killing your family line. If the families are unequal in size, maybe the smaller ones can get together to do dinners and such.

For everyone who thinks this is much ado about nothing, every school is different, and especially at smaller schools where lines can be traced back to chapter founders, family lines ARE a big deal.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Unless your big has been terminated from the sorority or turned in her pin on her own, you shouldn't look to be adopted into another family. Think of it this way - if your mom passed away and you erased her name off the birth certificate and put your stepmother's name on. That's pretty much what you're doing.

You are going to have a family in school - you're getting twins, for crying out loud. Unless your big is going into a cloistered convent, you can still talk to her and ask her for advice. You got a LOT more than some girls get - and you want to dump her because she GRADUATED??!? What kind of lesson would that send to the girls you are taking as littles? A lot of people actually become closer after graduation when they're not juggling 8 zillion things.

You can hang out with and get support from older sisters without killing your family line. If the families are unequal in size, maybe the smaller ones can get together to do dinners and such.

For everyone who thinks this is much ado about nothing, every school is different, and especially at smaller schools where lines can be traced back to chapter founders, family lines ARE a big deal.

I completely agree.

And sisters graduating and moving away isn't as big of a deal as it was even 10 years ago. Cell phones and social media keep everyone in touch, and there's no reason you can't attempt to start a relationship with your big right now. As you said, she's a good person who was nothing but nice to you when you were a new member.

Also, keep in mind that once sisters reach their last year in school, they're pretty much burned out and ready to move on. Maybe your big was stressed, overworked, tired, and was just eager to take the next step. Now that she has, start a line of communication with her and see what's going on in her life. Tell her that you're going to have twins next semester and you're looking for advice or fun things to do with them.

Whatever you do, don't shut her out and change family trees (which, as has been said, I didn't even know was a thing until just now).

As a side note: In my opinion, a lot of members put waaaaay too much emphasis on the family tree relationships. In a matter of a few weeks, you go from being a (nearly clueless) PNM, to a new member (a time when you're lucky if you can remember even a fraction of your sisters' names), to having a mentor who you/everyone expects to be your bff for life. It's pretty unreasonable to think that's going to work out every single time.