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That's ridiculous that you are expected to foot the cost for the shower and travel for both the wedding and the bachelorette party. Did you agree to host the shower? Were you even asked, or was it just assumed? It's OK to say no to some of this stuff. If you are traveling so far for the wedding, I would say no to hosting the shower and only fly up for the actual wedding. The bride should have known from the outset that having the whole bridal party out of state meant that not everyone could come to all of the pre - wedding festivities.
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