Snow Plow Parents

[Hearttoheart]

A college education is an investment into our children’s future. It is my husband and I who are paying for tuition, room and board, books, car, cell phone, insurance, medical bills, gas, spending money, clothing, entertainment, sorority dues, etc. We want our daughters to have every advantage; to be able to thrive academically and socially and enjoy all college has to offer without being bogged down with a job. (There will be time enough for a job after graduation) As such, we have certain expectations of our daughters. Attend class, study for tests, complete all assignments, attend sorority related functions (we are paying for them), keep drinking to a minimum and never drink and drive, sleep in the living quarters we provide for them, (not at some boyfriends house), etc.
This is an expensive investment! And as a means of protecting my investment, yes, I will monitor their lives! Call me a helicopter parent, or a snowplow parent or whatever. Each daughter attends college out of state, so no, I am not there registering for classes for them, (although they do call and ask my opinions); and no, if their dorms are too cold, or their food is not edible, I am not making phone calls. I don’t hold their hands to doctor appointments or to meetings with professors. But, I do care about whom their friends are and who they are dating! They are my investment after all, and their behavior can effect this investment of mine.
I expect them to keep in touch. The biggest mistake a parent can make is simply writing a check and expecting their college student to tow the line. They are still young and still very capable of making mistakes! I monitor their social media pages, their grades, and their social activities. If mistakes are being made, I want to be proactive, not shaking my head after they flunk out of college and end up in rehab or pregnant. There is nothing wrong with helicopter parents! We are pushing our children to be successful and making sure the only mistakes that are being made are minor ones. There is nothing wrong with parents protecting their children! Whether they are 5 or 50, they are still our children!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

This, I think, is what's most disturbing about some of these cases; the "kids" are just as attached to the parents as the parents are to the kids. They've become completely dependent on mommy and/or daddy, and they don't mind if their parents call their teachers or join them for an interview. They see no problem with it.

Yes.

Originally Posted by Jen

The thing that gets me is that these parents are not much older than me, and from knowing older kids growing up, their parents were not like this and they would have FREAKED THE HELL OUT if their parents were.

So where is it coming from???

HELLS YES.

As for the above post, good luck with that. If they know you stalk their FB do you really think they're putting everything on it?

[sigmagirl2000]

Originally Posted by 33girl

As for the above post, good luck with that. If they know you stalk their FB do you really think they're putting everything on it?

Either that or fb privacy settings. Something tells me the college aged children are probably fairly technologically savvy...

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by Hearttoheart

A college education is an investment into our children’s future. It is my husband and I who are paying for tuition, room and board, books, car, cell phone, insurance, medical bills, gas, spending money, clothing, entertainment, sorority dues, etc. We want our daughters to have every advantage; to be able to thrive academically and socially and enjoy all college has to offer without being bogged down with a job. (There will be time enough for a job after graduation) As such, we have certain expectations of our daughters. Attend class, study for tests, complete all assignments, attend sorority related functions (we are paying for them), keep drinking to a minimum and never drink and drive, sleep in the living quarters we provide for them, (not at some boyfriends house), etc.
This is an expensive investment! And as a means of protecting my investment, yes, I will monitor their lives! Call me a helicopter parent, or a snowplow parent or whatever. Each daughter attends college out of state, so no, I am not there registering for classes for them, (although they do call and ask my opinions); and no, if their dorms are too cold, or their food is not edible, I am not making phone calls. I don’t hold their hands to doctor appointments or to meetings with professors. But, I do care about whom their friends are and who they are dating! They are my investment after all, and their behavior can effect this investment of mine.
I expect them to keep in touch. The biggest mistake a parent can make is simply writing a check and expecting their college student to tow the line. They are still young and still very capable of making mistakes! I monitor their social media pages, their grades, and their social activities. If mistakes are being made, I want to be proactive, not shaking my head after they flunk out of college and end up in rehab or pregnant. There is nothing wrong with helicopter parents! We are pushing our children to be successful and making sure the only mistakes that are being made are minor ones. There is nothing wrong with parents protecting their children! Whether they are 5 or 50, they are still our children!

I'm in the same situation, and I agree with most of what you've said. I don't do things for my daughter, and I don't monitor her FB or social life, but we do regularly talk about academics, and she likes to tell me about sorority doings. I expect to know about her grades and that she's staying on top of everything, and I'm there to support her when she asks for help. I'm not driving the car, but I'm helping her read the map. I'm a professor and sorority adviser myself, so I see what can happen with other people's kids. My current role involves "check in and listen/support when needed." I just can't go with the "sink or swim," stand back and watch what happens philosophy. That's why we have sorority advisers, right? I don't see a big difference. They're maturing into adulthood, and they need guidance during the college years. I think that's part of a positive parenting relationship.

As AGDee said, I think some of the hype is overblown, and the over-the-top anecdotes get the press. My parents expected to see my grades and talk to them about how I was doing, and they liked to know about sorority doings. They paid for my schooling and I accepted that as part of the deal, and I knew they cared about how I was doing. They still do! If the internet was around when I was in college, I bet my mom would have monitored even more. Now she has an i-pad and she's figuring out how to use it...uh oh!

[ASTalumna06]

Being interested in your kids' lives, guiding them through school, and ensuring that they become productive members of society is different than calling them 10 times a day, sending out Amber alerts when they don't respond, and accompanying them on job interviews.

[DaffyKD]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Being interested in your kids' lives, guiding them through school, and ensuring that they become productive members of society is different than calling them 10 times a day, sending out Amber alerts when they don't respond, and accompanying them on job interviews.

I fully agree with you! My oldest went to school across country. She and I discussed what was happening without my calling her daily (she usually called me since she knew when she was not in class, studying or off with friends). She graduated with honors, was active on campus and is now leading a VERY productive life. I was not at any of her interviews, she called me and told me when she got a job, I just happened to be visiting her when she received her latest fantastic promotion. My younger one has be part of the special education process from the time he was 15 months old. Today he is a college senior (Yeah, no more tuition payments). He has Asperger's Syndrome on top of the developmental issues he had to over come. I freaked when he went to school 12 hours from here with no family/relatives around should he have an Asperger's break down. I can officially say, we cut the cord, he is doing fantastic. He is involved-- President of the Housing Council and Secretary of the Communication Club. My ex and I paid for both of our kids' education, we were on my son's case when his first semester grades were not very good, BUT neither of us are running their lives, neither of us call a zillion times a day (my son texts both of us regularly, my daughter will call one or the other of us while she is walking home from the train after work just to fill the time).

Cutting the cord does not mean you are not interested. Just because you pay the bills does not mean they can't live their own lives. Back in the olden days when I was in school, we had a sister whose parents helicoptered her (long before there were helicopter parents). They would call the house regularly (no cell phones in those days, no way to GPS track your kid). One night girl did not come home. Parents called the house every hour on the hour all night waking up everyone. We handled the situation through Standards Board, but we were all aggravated by the situation although we knew she did it because she felt she was an adult, a college junior, and was tired of her parents trying to account for every minute of her day. Same parents could not bring her back to school after one of the breaks so let her have the car until the next break. They checked the odometer before she left, knew the exact mileage to the school and back and told her she was not allowed to drive the car except to get to the school and home. Not to be deterred, she disconnected the odometer until it was time to go home. College kids know how to get around parents! Time to let them grow up.

DaffyKD