Indiana University 2014 Recruitment

[cinder1965]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Every year I read about IU and shake my head. It is a bit ridiculous that these chapters, including my own sorority, continue to use bed quota. That being said, to all the mothers that are upset that their daughters only have unhoused chapters left. Do your jobs as advisers to your daughters and tell them the truth that they need to hear. No, you don't always get the exact outcome you want in life, but sometimes you just have to pick yourself up and make the best out of it. If those unhoused chapters weren't at IU, your daughters likely would have NO options. They should be grateful for the opportunity given to them by these "clubs" if they have any desire to be Greek at IU. It's an unfortunate truth that many girls will have no options and would take any bid. A house doesn't stand in your wedding as your maid of honor ten years after you graduate. A sister does that. If your daughter wants to be a part of a real sisterhood with lifelong benefits, help her get past the idea that the most important ingredient is a house.

[suze81]

Originally Posted by Sigmapsimom

I'm sorry if I offended you, that was not my intent. There will always be some chapters who are stronger than others. My only point was that physical proximity is something that was important to her and most of the pnms going through formal recruitment at IU without a doubt. Club was definitely not the right word to use. It's just not the experience she wants of rooming with sisters, having frats surprise serenade them at their house, etc.

My daughter's Rho gamma openly advised her pnms to always rank the unhoused chapters last, because "they invite everyone back." This is not very comforting nor appealing to anyone. It's dirty rushing IMO.

Being in a chapter that pnms cry about being invited to their prefs or even worse don't show up to can be difficult for those chapter members too. I know many girls in my daughter's rush group dropped today rather than go to them. That's not fair to those chapters. In a way, the women in those chapters are going through the rush rejection again in a different yet similar way that many of them experienced as pnms. Nobody wants to feel that kind of rejection once let alone twice. I don't think I want this for my daughter, although I have not expressed that to her. I have remained positive trying to salvage what is left of her confidence today. I will support whatever she decides.

Added: she just texted me and said a ton of girls did not show up for the first party. I feel bad for the sorority members.

Sorry so long and disjointed. My mind has been racing because of the pain in my daughter's voice this morning. I have realized that you can't compare Iu recruitment to anywhere else, even my personal experience, so please don't take my opinions from IU recruitment and compare them to your campus. I am a rush advisor for my chapter and the experience is completely different there. There are always disappointments, but overall the experience is positive for 90%+ of the pnms and members.

So in terms of the unhoused chapters being disappointed that many PMN's are not interested in pledging, perhaps they would be wise to accept the option offered to them of being housed in dorm floors. This would make a huge difference for those PNM's looking for a "live-in" experience.

[suzy88]

It is ironic that IU has turned away thousands of women over the years and has not allowed them to participate in Greek life because the sororities can't house them, then Panhellenic can't figure out why women don't want an unhoused chapter. They have created the emphasis on housing; they have created their own monster. I hope many women can still find happiness with the unhoused chapters.

Best wishes to all the young ladies going through this rush. My older daughter was turned away by IU sororities several years ago. It was a crushing experience for her. My younger daughter went to three parties today and we are hoping for the best and preparing for the worst Tuesday.

It seems that organizations that are supposed to be about helping women find a sense of belonging and empowering them to do great things with their lives should not provide the negative, demoralizing experiences that are provided by IU sororities.

[Xidelt]

Wow, all this negative stuff I'm hearing about unhoused chapters makes me worry about my own sorority's upcoming colony. But maybe these chapters are fulfilling a need on campus.

[cinder1965]

Originally Posted by Sigmapsimom

Don't assume that we moms are not "doing our jobs." I have been on the phone with my daughter for hours today talking and texting. I encouraged her to go to the parties today, which she did. We've had the life isn't fair discussion - talked about sisterhood. We have discussed pros/cons, scenarios, what ifs - you name it. I've been honest with her and told her it is unlikely she will get in a sorority if she doesn't do this. I can't tell her to rank them. That's entirely her decision. Mine is only to advise.

Don't discount their feelings and make comments they should be grateful. They're 18 year old girls who had certain dreams of sorority life and they are mourning those dreams and that's ok. As someone said earlier, "Cry, eat chocolate, cry some more." It's up to them and only them to decide if they want to try it out or not. By no means, should anyone feel that they have to accept a bid just because it's the only option, even if it doesn't feel right to them. I think those not connected to IU do not understand the house culture of Greek Life. You don't know what it's like to be on a campus with many Greeks and GDI's alike putting down these 2 sororities. You are a second class citizen. It's incredibly unfair and some of it is false, but let's face it the opinions and acceptance of our peers at that age is incredibly important. And one last thing, even if she did rank them there is still no guarantee of a bid. That is the last thing she needs is to be rejected yet again. No idea what to expect from them.

How do you answer this question sent to me today by my daughter as a text?
"Mom, I'm not strange. I'm not mean. I'm involved. I like the same things. I am girly and classy and fun. I take care of myself and I pride myself in looking good. I know I would be a great fit in several of the houses. I just don't know what else I could have done. It's all I saw in my college vision since forever" And let's face it, this is happening to many. many girls, not just mine.

Please don't dismiss what these girls are going through. I think the biggest piece of the puzzle here is they all know the system is set up for many to fail and it seems so arbitrary, but they just don't think it's going to happen to them and when it does it's devastating. They hear stories about how you have to "game the system" but they don't know how to do that.

I already apologized for wrongly using the word "club" but feel free to keep throwing that around.

The house culture at IU is real and it stinks. None the less it is real.

[HQWest]

Purdue is looking pretty good right now...

[Maman]

[QUOTE=Sigmapsimom;2256248]

How do you answer this question sent to me today by my daughter as a text?
"Mom, I'm not strange. I'm not mean. I'm involved. I like the same things. I am girly and classy and fun. I take care of myself and I pride myself in looking good. I know I would be a great fit in several of the houses. I just don't know what else I could have done. It's all I saw in my college vision since forever" And let's face it, this is happening to many. many girls, not just mine.

QUOTE]

Daughter you are girly, and classy and fun. Some of the chapters take pledge classes as small as 40. That is just two percent of the PNMs that start the process. There are simply too many qualified PNMs for the spots available.
I looked back at an old thread for a past year and someone said they were 100 legacies at a house that accepts a pledge class of about 40. No one would take an entire class of legacies, but you get the idea.

[cinder1965]

Originally Posted by HQWest

Purdue is looking pretty good right now...

Boiler Up!

[CookiesNCream]

A few thoughts from an IU senior....

I know that the bed quota isn't ideal, but more chapters than ever are finally beginning to extend their quotas so that more seniors can live out and they can take more women. Granted, it's not a HUGE difference, but even those 3rd street chapters that are notorious for their tiny pledge classes are raising their quotas this year.

Just about every housed chapter at IU has begun adopting a liveout policy. It's going to be a gradual shift until the majority of senior members are living out, but at least the housed chapters are doing something about it as opposed to simply just adding chapters to alleviate the problem as they have in the past.

Coming from someone who is a member of the largest housed chapter on campus, I can say that it causes way more problems and internal strife than it needs to. I'm open to taking larger pledge classes and having all of our seniors live out, but there are SO MANY issues that arise from being the big chapter on campus that people just don't understand from the outside looking in. If I had to go back and choose what chapter I was in all over again, I would pick mine in a heartbeat... but I also would have loved the opportunity to live in another year and actually feel as close to the younger pledge classes as other chapters seem to be.

Giant chapters may work elsewhere, but it's not working for us. I think the first step should be moving toward adopting an every senior lives out policy for every chapter, and then going from there.

[Xidelt]

Sigmapsimom, people are just trying to offer advice and help. There is no need for you to be snotty. Maybe you need to back away from the keyboard for a bit.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Sigmapsimom

Don't assume that we moms are not "doing our jobs." I have been on the phone with my daughter for hours today talking and texting. I encouraged her to go to the parties today, which she did. We've had the life isn't fair discussion - talked about sisterhood. We have discussed pros/cons, scenarios, what ifs - you name it. I've been honest with her and told her it is unlikely she will get in a sorority if she doesn't do this. I can't tell her to rank them. That's entirely her decision. Mine is only to advise.

Don't discount their feelings and make comments they should be grateful. They're 18 year old girls who had certain dreams of sorority life and they are mourning those dreams and that's ok. As someone said earlier, "Cry, eat chocolate, cry some more." It's up to them and only them to decide if they want to try it out or not. By no means, should anyone feel that they have to accept a bid just because it's the only option, even if it doesn't feel right to them. I think those not connected to IU do not understand the house culture of Greek Life. You don't know what it's like to be on a campus with many Greeks and GDI's alike putting down these 2 sororities. You are a second class citizen. It's incredibly unfair and some of it is false, but let's face it the opinions and acceptance of our peers at that age is incredibly important. And one last thing, even if she did rank them there is still no guarantee of a bid. That is the last thing she needs is to be rejected yet again. No idea what to expect from them.

How do you answer this question sent to me today by my daughter as a text?
"Mom, I'm not strange. I'm not mean. I'm involved. I like the same things. I am girly and classy and fun. I take care of myself and I pride myself in looking good. I know I would be a great fit in several of the houses. I just don't know what else I could have done. It's all I saw in my college vision since forever" And let's face it, this is happening to many. many girls, not just mine.

Please don't dismiss what these girls are going through. I think the biggest piece of the puzzle here is they all know the system is set up for many to fail and it seems so arbitrary, but they just don't think it's going to happen to them and when it does it's devastating. They hear stories about how you have to "game the system" but they don't know how to do that.

I already apologized for wrongly using the word "club" but feel free to keep throwing that around.

I just saw your post about your daughter going to the last party and making a go at it. Good job.

None of us dismiss the feelings of hurt that PNMs feel in this process, but we also know that for many people the issue is that they feel "too good" for the groups they have left. If you start looking at some of the posts in this thread wondering how groups could reject this PNM or that PNM, it comes down to a value judgement that the women in the unhoused groups are somehow "less than." There are many reasons why women are released and don't make the cut. Is it fair? I don't know. Is it fair to say a PNM is any more worthy than the chapters she thinks she's too good for? They may not be the ones she had her heart set on, but honestly they may be the ones best suited for her in the end. There are many parents that honestly can't step away from the friend and commiserator role long enough to be the voice of reason for their daughters.
I am very glad you were able to play that role for your daughter. I hope it all works out for her. IU is brutal. There is no doubt about it. Please don't take my last post as an indictment of you as a parent but as a suggestion for the situation. Like I said, if these women with only unhoused groups left on their list want to be Greek, this is their only chance. It's time to make lemonade out of lemons. Having a mom who can put that into perspective is a real gift.

[sigmagirl2000]

Originally Posted by Xidelt

Sigmapsimom, people are just trying to offer advice and help. There is no need for you to be snotty. Maybe you need to back away from the keyboard for a bit.

Co-sign. I've read Sigmapsimom's posts as the most entitled parent ones on here. Of course your daughter is special, of course she is qualified. No one is saying she isn't. However, you are saying that the unhoused chapters are lesser, and second class citizens- looked down upon by everyone on campus. Perhaps your daughter has picked up on your feelings here. She, and all the other PNMs would be lucky to be offered a bid by these "Second-class citizens" This being said, if that's how she truly feels, I certainly hope that she doesn't take a spot away from another PNM who would love the chance to be part of the greek system at IU, be it in a housed OR unhoused chapter.

Obviously this is a stressful time for you, but lashing out at people here trying to offer support isn't going to help you or your daughter to maintain a positive attitude or keep an open mind this week.

[suzy88]

Don't be too hard on Sigmapsimom. I have been where she is at. It is incredibly hard to see this happen to your daughter. When your child is in pain, you fight back, it is what moms do. I applaud all that she is doing for her daughter. She sounds like a great mom.

[cinder1965]

Having just gone through this barbaric rush last year with my step daughter, I am cutting the moms here a lot of slack. What some may hear as entitled, others hear as a parent just hurting for their child.

And, the reality is, the culture at IU is that housed chapters are more desirable. I am quite sure none of us agree with that, think it is fair or endorse it. Let's not hate the player, but hate the game.

[TennisMom]

@Sigmapsimom - No need to apologize. Based upon my daughter's experience at IU your posts have been on target. And, if you can believe it, this is the second year IU recruitment has put my daughter through the wringer. Both times she started out upbeat and positive. This year she truly thought it would end differently as she has friends in several houses. Sadly, it didn't. She is a strong, capable young woman who through no fault of her own is a victim of the numbers game. I do not blame the sororities but it doesn't change the fact that my daughter is in great pain and as a mother you suffer with them.