What advice to give to others who get that "no" multiple times...

[johansla]

I started my freshman year thinking I wanted nothing to do with sorority life--eventually life served me back a taste of my own medicine and I figured out I wanted to join one like my friends had. While I was in limbo before my revelation and the next round of fall recruitment I'd joined an honors society/professional fraternity. I liked my experience with them but I found that as they tried to be more like the NPC/IFC ones, I enjoyed the experience less--it was not the same as the sorority I'm now in and I eventually left them after joining ADPi because they started acting like a GLO but without the regulations that ensure cliquey behavior and overzealous regulation of membership don't occur.
In short my advice is that the experience with another org that isn't an NPC is exactly what it is: an experience with an org that isn't an NPC sorority. Greek letters don't mean they'll be anything alike or that she'll be any more comfortable or happy there--you know this, and I think it's not hitting her yet. I would encourage her to take a good hard look her priorities, at what she wants in college, and to really think about what is going to serve her best now and in the future.
I was released from fall formal recruitment when I "rushed" and I had a week or two before ADPi colonized to take a healthy step back and re-evaluate things. I kind of developed the mantra that I'd survived a year and a month without a sorority in my life and I could keep doing that now since I'd done it before. I made a resolution that if colony recruitment failed I was done and I was going to make my bed and lie in it. She needs to have that moment, and get to that place where not having a set of letters for a sorority/fraternity still means you're going to be fine and have fun and enjoy college. I think she needs to get more involved outside the frat/sorority world and see that people can be truly happy and fulfilled without the tethers of a ritualized friendship.

[*winter*]

IIRC you are a bit older. It's hard to talk to the young ones (did I really just type that? CALL A NURSING HOME...) But 18-21 year olds think they are invincible and that everything is an option. Which isn't a bad way to be, but idk if there's much you can say to counter that opinion.

FWIW the reason I responded to this thread in the first place is to say that, once these girls get past their NPC dreams, some of them can become good sisters. Some of them never get past the fact that your organization isn't the "same" as an NPC, but some do. We've had some great girls who went thru NPC several times and then came to us. One in particular is from my pledge class- we are still close friends- she was so terribly shy that "rush" just wasn't for her. She wanted to be part of a sisterhood badly, so when she joined she really put 100% into the group and got a lot out of it. The key is realizing that just because you have letters does not mean it's going to be an NPC experience.

JMO. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, if you are inclined to share...

(I was in a service sorority btw)

[misscherrypie]

Originally Posted by *winter*

Some of them never get past the fact that your organization isn't the "same" as an NPC, but some do.The key is realizing that just because you have letters does not mean it's going to be an NPC experience.

JMO. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, if you are inclined to share...

Letters are the outward and publicly shown representation of the core values that my organization (can't speak for others) holds dear and those values the core reason for its continued existence. I believe that is one thing that GLOs probably hold in common, but correct me if I am wrong on that point.

While there are some commonalities between them (social interaction, even if it isn't a specific focus; belonging) if the differences were made more clear to potential new members of any organization, and finding a place to belong to was made to be the focus, I feel like situations such as these might become less frequent. Some people might belong to an NPC, or a Honorary or Circle K or Beta or the Ski Racers Club: but if students were reassured that "all organizations are different and one organization is not superior to another and there is not a place for everyone in every organization out there, but there is a good place for you" who knows what help that might be in some small way.

I appreciate the good words from my sisters and members of GC and thank you all.