First Time at Homecoming as a Neo

NeoNeo · #1 10-11-2013, 03:49 PM

As you probably guessed I'm a neo and I'm preparing to attend my homecoming for the first time since I crossed, which was since I completed undergrad. I am looking for pointers as I plan to return to campus this fall, since I've heard it can be "awkward".

I don't think there would be a HUGE surprise that I am now a member, since I expressed interest in undergrad but was not selected (same sorority that I'm a current member). I have talked to members within my sorority about what I should do, which has helped. I am just trying to get additional info, possibly from others who were in a similar situation.

Hope this makes sense.
TIA

Sen's Revenge · #2 10-11-2013, 04:41 PM

I did not attend a college for which homecoming was a big deal for our NPHC Greeks. Those of us who crossed grad chapters just put on our jackets and enjoyed homecoming as usual. I was cordial to the other members of my frat that I saw, but there were no expectations on either side.

Please don't go back to your homecoming with the assumption that everything is hunky dory between you and the chapter. You weren't selected for a reason and some people will be resentful to see you, especially if you try to ingratiate yourself "in the circle" so to speak.

NeoNeo · #3 10-11-2013, 04:54 PM

The "resentful" part makes sense. I attended a HBCU, so homecoming is definitely a big deal. I mean if I wear para, do I avoid the plot and the tent because of the "inner circle" part, or is that doing too much and not being sisterly on my part? A line dance happens, do I not join in even though I know it too. I know it seems like small stuff, but it can really add up. I want to enjoy being in the sorority, even though I know I am not a member of that chapter.

DrPhil · #4 10-11-2013, 04:59 PM

You have probably already been told to contact that chapter before attending homecoming. Definitely remember to do that. Some people don't do that and it isn't automatically the end of the world but it is difficult to know how chapters will respond.

Their reaction to you depends on why you had to wait until alumnae chapter, how you behave when you attend homecoming, and how the chapter members are feeling. You should be calm and confident knowing that you are well-read and well-informed for your sorority. You did not get your crossing and symbols through the convenience store. However be careful not to come across as cocky and arrogant. You are a New Neo who crossed alumnae. Chill out, observe, and be able to have deference when needed without being a punk and pushover.

Have fun!!!!

DrPhil · #5 10-11-2013, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeoNeo

The "resentful" part makes sense. I attended a HBCU, so homecoming is definitely a big deal. I mean if I wear para, do I avoid the plot and the tent because of the "inner circle" part, or is that doing too much and not being sisterly on my part? A line dance happens, do I not join in even though I know it too. I know it seems like small stuff, but it can really add up. I want to enjoy being in the sorority, even though I know I am not a member of that chapter.

There are some things you learn through observing and pass or fail.

Don't avoid the plot and places where the sorority is gathering. That will mean you are scared rather than playing it safe or deferring to chapter traditions. Be present and they will let you know when to take yourself on to the next location. LOL. Also don't stand around in awkward silence. After you make your presence known hug your Sorors goodbye and tell them you're going to walk around and may be back later.

NeoNeo · #6 10-11-2013, 05:26 PM

Good point about why I had to wait......to be honest if I would have answered that question before I crossed I would have come up with an excuse (they didn't get a chance to know me well enough or they didn't want a "big" line so I didn't make the cut).

Looking back now, I realize "I" could have done more to get to know them, and that while I met the "requirements" being good isn't always good enough. I get and appreciate that now.

All that being said, I still have butterflies about the whole thing. As always, there are people you are not looking forward to seeing at homecoming, and sharing letters won't change that. Chilling out makes sense, and staying cordial to people "less than enthused" about my neo status. Finding balance will be interesting, I just need to remember to have fun.

ETA: And as much as it may hurt, I may have to sit out and observe the line dancing this year before jumping in. I have waited this long, might as well do it right, rather than crashing a 10 yr line reunion stroll or something.

Thanks!

DrPhil · #7 10-11-2013, 06:13 PM

Of course you wouldn't crash a line's line dance. If they invite you you could join them. That tends to mean joining the end of the line.

Were you a lazy or invisible aspirant? This chapter may not care because you were that insignificant. But the chapters that I know would be quite amused that a lazy aspirant is now their Soror. They may wonder whether you found what you considered to be the quicker and easier route. And some people may say something to you and frown at you.

But all of this is hypotheticals. LOL. Go and have fun. Just don't act like you don't know the overall culture of the environment.