If I could tell my adolescent self what I know now...

[ASTalumna06]

Props to this girl for learning at such a young age what some people will go their entire lives never having known.

http://elitedaily.com/life/if-i-coul...at-i-know-now/

[DrPhil]

Some of it was good.

Some of it was satire (Drake sucks and shouldn't be listened to regardless of the circumstances).

Some of it was things that a child shouldn't care about.

I don't like that she began with platonic and nonplatonic relationships as though our conceptions of self are 100% contingent upon our conceptions of others. I don't like that she started with men and relationships. That is problematic for three reasons: (1) It is based on the gender stereotype of women being primarily concerned with emotions, men, and romanticism; (2) It is heterocentric; and (3) having a committed nonplatonic relationship is not a priority for everyone or a requirement for adulthood and happiness. I want people, in general, beginning with childhood, to know that there are many optional choices that have for centuries been presented as requirements for adulthood. So, when youth and young adults talk to me about certain things, I tell them to focus on self-improvement. Whether they want nonplatonic romantic relationships or some definition of family is a choice that is up to them. If nonplatonic romantic relationships or some definition of family is how they define self-improvement, more power to them, but I first recommend learning yourself before feeling the need to pursue other people. If your world would crumble if those people disappeared, it is perhaps the case that your conception of self was too reliant upon other people.

[WhiteRose1912]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I don't like that she began with platonic and nonplatonic relationships as though our conceptions of self are 100% contingent upon our conceptions of others. I don't like that she started with men and relationships. That is problematic for three reasons: (1) It is based on the gender stereotype of women being primarily concerned with emotions, men, and romanticism; (2) It is heterocentric; and (3) having a committed nonplatonic relationship is not a priority for everyone or a requirement for adulthood and happiness. I want people, in general, beginning with childhood, to know that there are many optional choices that have for centuries been presented as requirements for adulthood. So, when youth and young adults talk to me about certain things, I tell them to focus on self-improvement. Whether they want nonplatonic romantic relationships or some definition of family is a choice that is up to them. If nonplatonic romantic relationships or some concept of family is how they define self-improvement, more power to them, but I first recommend learning yourself before feeling the need to pursue other people. If your world would crumble if those people disappeared, it is perhaps the case that your conception of self was too reliant upon other people.

Well said.

[Munchkin03]

Meh. It was kind of cute, but it left me hanging.

What would you, dear GC readers, want your adolescent self to know?

[amIblue?]

I would tell my adolescent self that I was not fat because I was 5'7" and 130 lbs with curves, even though I had friends who were 5'2" and 100 and had figures like boys.

Also that pretty much everyone else is just as confused and scared about life and growing up as I was.

Finally, I would tell myself to shut up and listen because I did not know anything about anything. (Just imagining how well that would have gone over with my 13 year old self.)

[Tulip86]

I would tell myself to not always compare myself to others.

I would also tell myself not to be to bothered by what I "should" be doing. Different lives, different paths.

And ditto on the not fat thing. Not everyone is built the same. Skinny isn't necessarily prettier.

[KSUViolet06]

That guy you are like, so in love with and have the hugest crush on but he never gives you the time of day because he's a football player? When you see him in 10 years he'll have a sunroof and a Homer Simpson gut. It's not worth your time crushing on him and being upset when he ignores you or is rude.

The basketball player who gave you a D+ on his "Hottest Girls of NHS List" that you found and cried over in 10th grade? He's eventually going to be a former HS basketball star turned felon. So don't worry about it. and really, who cares if Mr. Future Felon didn't think you were hot?

The girl who makes fun of you for being short/skinny/built like a 12 year old? When you see her in 10 years, she'll be a size Precious. So get over it. When you're almost 30, you'll be glad to be built "like a 12 year old."

Don't be embarrassed over being smart or try to downplay it (smart was not cool in my school, it was cooler to have average grades and play sports.) The popular cheer/dance girls who brag about getting Cs and Ds in Basic English 10 and make fun of people in AP/Honors will all be working the reception desk at your hair salon in 10 years.

Didn't make Senior Class officer (like, I cried over losing President to another girl?) Within 5 minutes of graduation, no one is going to give a crap. So get over it.

Stop being a Promzilla (I was a certified Promzilla complete with a 2 hour drive to a store that carried the exact dress I wanted, followed by a meltdown in a shoe store because they didn't have the ones I wanted in my size.) After you graduate, that dress will hang in mom's basement for eternity. That, and you'll eventually look at it like "WTF was I wearing?" (I was sequinned to high heaven and could probably be seen from Saturn.)

Being well-liked isn't everything. You're an introvert and that's ok. Stop trying to be an extrovert just because that's what everyone else is.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

What would you, dear GC readers, want your adolescent self to know?

He will eventually be a 45 year old man with a gambling problem and a soul patch that makes him look like a jackass.

Everything else I kind of learned once I went away to college and looked at my small town and said "oh, I guess that WASN'T the world, and I'm quite glad that I didn't fit into it."

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by Jen

I would tell myself to do everything possible to head off the anxiety and depression that's destroyed most of my adult life.

((((Jen)))) You can get a win today, though. Just hold on.

[KDCat]

I would tell myself:

1. Move farther away from your family. They love you, but they are keeping you too close to them. You'll be happier with a little less enmeshment.

2. Aim higher. You are qualified for a lot more than you are taking credit for. Apply to Berkley.

3. Go learn some study habits and apply them. You are smart, but a lousy student.

4. Even if your parents don't see that a particular career is feasible, they don't know enough to know. Decide for yourself.

5. Date better guys. Picking guys because they are not going to engage your emotions too much is a recipe for disaster. You're going to end up with some destructive guys that way. Pick some good guys, even if they're going to get closer than you'd like. Breaking up with a guy that you like is going to much less destructive than dating disposable jerks.

6. You're pretty. Enjoy it.

7. Drink less in college. Play more sports.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by Jen

I would tell myself to do everything possible to head off the anxiety and depression that's destroyed most of my adult life.

In high school I think I was at that teetering point of being able to conquer it in early stages, and I would tell myself to get involved more, not worry about other people and what they think of me so much, and that there was nothing wrong with how I looked. I'd encourage my younger self to do more activities I liked so I could meet more people, connect more and not be so afraid of being judged.

I'd also tell my younger self to get help sooner when the symptoms did start. I look back at her and think as crappy as I thought things were in high school, they were actually pretty good and I should have enjoyed it more, and connected to it all more.

I'd tell her to take the chance to go straight to university instead of community college first, that doing the scary things would have helped her so much then, because a time was coming when leaving the house would become a scary thing. I'd tell her to enjoy the moments she wasn't suffering and recognize them. I'd tell her to be kind to herself, to stop beating herself up and that she deserved good things no matter what the ugly voice in there said. I'd tell her to do her best to live and fight the monster and save her adult self. It kills me so much that I can't go back and warn her.

+1

I wish I had gotten an SSRI much, much sooner. It's been very helpful for me.

[Tulip86]

Originally Posted by Jen

I would tell myself to do everything possible to head off the anxiety and depression that's destroyed most of my adult life.

In high school I think I was at that teetering point of being able to conquer it in early stages, and I would tell myself to get involved more, not worry about other people and what they think of me so much, and that there was nothing wrong with how I looked.

I'd also tell my younger self to get help sooner when the symptoms did start.\ I'd tell her to be kind to herself, to stop beating herself up and that she deserved good things no matter what the ugly voice in there said. I'd tell her to do her best to live and fight the monster and save her adult self. It kills me so much that I can't go back and warn her.

This. Many times this. Thank you for putting in words what I can't always say myself.

[maconmagnolia]

I'm only a few years out of high school, but here we go..

1. Study more. I know that your high school is easy and that you don't necessarily need to, but you need to develop some good study habits for when you go to college.

2. Listen to your dad about college. Apply to good schools. Grades are important and so is where you go to school. Just because everyone at your high school only cares about drinking and sports doesn't mean you should be that way to.

3. Don't be embarrassed by your depression. It's not something that you can help. Don't be ashamed to talk about it and get help sooner rather than later.

4. High school relationships are nothing to stress out over.

[ASUADPi]

Oh man what I would tell my 13 year old self from my 34 year old self.

1. Don't pull your eyebrows

This might sound like an odd thing to say, but I have suffered from Trichotillomania since I was 13. Within a weeks time frame, at the end of 8th grade, I pulled out all my eyebrows. People didn't understand what I had done and why I couldn't stop.
I found out in about 2000 that this had a name of Trichotillomania and it is a form of OCD (as recognized in the current DSM V).
I struggle every day not to pull. I was doing well. I was at one point 75 days pull free this year but me not being able to find a job in my new city and pay my bills and living back with my parents took its toll and my hard work of not pulling went down the drain. It is a daily struggle!

2. Do better in school because you don't want to have 100k in school loans. You have the potential to make A-B's, DO IT!

3. If you really want to be a cheerleader you need to put forth the effort to a) practice your jumps b) increase your flexibility c) increase your dance memory d) learn gymnastics. If you aren't willing to put forth these efforts, then you need to find another sport to join.

4. If you really want to be in an advanced choir you also need to put forth an effort by a) learning to sight read by b) going to voice lessons. Don't expect Ludwig to "promote" you because he is "supposed to". It doesn't work that way.

5. DO NOT become friends with Meredith, Christy, Megan or Tori. All these girls do is make your life a living HELL. They use you. They know that you are desperate to fit in.

which leads to...

6. Don't be desperate to fit in! Find your own niche of people who like you for you. Don't be fake and change yourself.

7. Get more involved. They are so many clubs, don't just limit yourself to drama.

8. Try new things. Don't sit back and not do something because you think it is a) to hard or b) you don't qualify. You will never know unless you try. (This is particularly important advice in regards to the senior walk, you will regret not applying).

9. Don't be afraid around boys. They don't bite. It is okay to be their friends. It is also okay to ask them out. Don't be afraid to do so. The worst they can say is "no" and your life isn't over. Trust me, you will have much worse heartbreak in your life than a boy in high school saying "no" to go to a dance or on a date.

10. On a personal note, fighting with mom and dad over stupid crap is so not worth it! Stop being a total bitch and arguing with every little thing they say. Yes, mom may drive you absolutely insane with her passive-agressive behavior, but you CANNOT change that. Fighting with her is only going to make your life hell and make dad take her side. Completely and utterly pointless. Just don't do it. Choose your battles wisely. Know when to shut the hell up.

[clarinette]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Everything else I kind of learned once I went away to college and looked at my small town and said "oh, I guess that WASN'T the world, and I'm quite glad that I didn't fit into it."

This is beautiful, and it really speaks to my transition from HS to college.

What I would say to teenage me:

Siblings can be annoying, but stand up for them when your friends get at them. Life is hard enough for teenagers; don't allow it to be hard when you can do something.

People who say that you must hate your family for going to a college so far away have no concept of your dreams and wants. That college will change you from a child to an adult in so many ways; ignore the high school kids.

Tell your private clarinet teacher that you really care about him. You won't get to say that once he's gone. Same goes for your church organist.

Your parents understand you better than you know. I know you love and care about them, but just appreciate the little things they do a bit more.

Do not feel that loyalty means defending someone to the death every single time. It's really not. Sometimes people don't deserve your loyalty. On the flip side, just because someone is aloof most of the time doesn't mean they don't care about you. You'll understand why when you're older.

You should have taken piano. Really.

Friends who care about you won't try to change who you are, and they won't let you cry alone.

Also, "You are enough. You are so enough, it's unbelievable how enough you are."